Boredom Is Deadly
by preciousann
Summary: For Harry, the 'next great adventure' isn't really all that great. After two-thousand years of dealing with the whining souls of the dead, he decides to spice things up a bit…by returning to his first year at Hogwarts. Crackfic! MOD!Harry Darkish!Harry GaryStu!Harry with a twist. NO Bashing!
1. How NOT to Plan an Alternate Reality

**Boredom Is Deadly**

 ***Summary* For Harry, the 'next great adventure' isn't really all that great. After two-thousand years of dealing with the whining souls of the dead, he decides to spice things up a bit…by returning to his first year at Hogwarts. Crackfic! MOD!Harry Darkish!Harry GaryStu!Harry with a twist. NO Bashing!**

 **Warnings**

 **Character Death**

 **Dark Themes**

 **Mild Language**

 **Dark Comedy Moments**

 **This is a crackfic, so do not take it very seriously.**

 **Harry is OOC and unstoppable, due to being the Master of Death. (Hence the story being a crackfic. I find one cannot write a GaryStu! (Brother of Mary Sue) Harry without it being a crackfic, simply because the story could not be taken seriously. However, this story has a major twist, and it is not your normal GaryStu!Harry.)**

 **Pairings**

 **None**

 ***A/N* I've had another plot bunny barge its way into my brain, and it just won't leave me alone. This story is a lot different than anything else I have written, so I hope you all find it enjoyable. There is NO bashing of characters in this story, but I must warn you that Harry enjoys giving our beloved Headmaster a headache. He also likes to make our favorite Potions Master squirm, so don't expect a loving (or even friendly) relationship between the two. As for our lovely Dark Lord, well, let's just say Harry loves to laugh at his expense. **

**Updates will be slow for this story until Courage and Cunning and Brothers is finished, but you can expect updates to happen every couple of weeks.**

 **With all that said, I hope you give at least the first chapter a chance before you click your back button.**

 **Now…time to start a new adventure!**

 **Boredom Is Deadly**

 **Chapter 1**

 **How NOT To Plan An Alternate Reality**

"Oh, oh I was a Paranormal Investigator in life! Can I please, please go back as a ghost!?" The young, brown haired girl begged with wide eyes, as she stared at the black robed figure in front of her.

"No." Harry replied in a monotone voice, as he sighed heavily and shifted around in his large black throne.

"Please!? I wasn't ready to die!" She said stomping her feet. "I was happy, full of life, and looking to prove that there is an afterlife! This is the perfect opportunity for me!"

"No."

"Damn you!" The girl screamed. "I wasn't ready to die! I had my whole life ahead of…"

"Then you shouldn't have been trying to put on lipstick while driving!" Harry snapped, as he rested his pointer finger against his temple. "It's your own damn fault for causing the car accident, and I, for one, don't feel sorry for you. Now, off you go."

"NOOOO!" The girl cried, as Harry, with a wave of his hand, sent the soul forcibly flying through the open door that stood on the front left side of the room.

He sighed again and rolled his eyes. "NEXT!" He bellowed, but looked up sharply as a middle aged man appeared before him.

"Is this hell? Are you Satan?" The man asked nervously as he twisted his hands together. The man tried to peer into the four open doors that stood in each corner of the room, but he couldn't see anything except a bright light coming from them.

Harry smiled slightly, but shook his head. "No. I'm just Death, and I sort souls based on whether or not they are muggles, witches and wizards, magical creatures, or normal animals. What happens to you when you walk through the door is completely out of my hands."

The man nodded nervously, but looked at the black robed, green eyed, messy haired man in front of him. "It wasn't my fault. I tried everything to save them."

"I know." Harry said with a sympathetic nod. "Rouge waves are an unexpected hazard one doesn't think about on a deep sea fishing trip, but you did the best you could to save the lives of your friends. They don't hold their deaths against you. However, I'm pleased to inform you that your teenaged son survived the ordeal, and he has since been picked up by the U.S. Navy. He is now safe, and your wife is grateful for the small miracle. They are both sad because of your passing, but they will carry on and heal with time."

The man choked back a sob, but a tear escape and slid down his cheek. "Thank you for telling me that. My son wanted to go on one last fishing trip before he went off to college." He whispered.

"I know, and you're welcome." Harry said gently, and softly motioned for the man to enter the door on the front left side of the room.

Once the soul had disappeared through the door, Harry stood up, yawned, stretched, and walked over to the whiskey cabinet to pour himself a drink. Between an earthquake in Australia, a flash flood in China, and a tornado in Oklahoma, he had had a very busy day.

As the illusion in the room fell away, Harry sighed and walked over to the large leather sofa that appeared, and sat down with an ungraceful flop. The house that he lived in was a mirror image of Grimmauld Place, only it was much nicer than it had been when he was a teenager. In fact, it still looked exactly like it had when he and Ginny remodeled it after they had gotten married.

However, that had been a long time ago.

It had been nearly two-thousand years since then, and while _this_ Grimmauld Place wasn't really the same house, it felt comfortable, homey, and familiar to him. This Grimmauld Place was not situated in London though, instead, it was in what Harry called 'The Void' - the place between Limbo and the afterlife.

The blackness of The Void outside the front door and windows was very depressing, but slightly entertaining in a way. Random objects floated outside his windows as far as the eye could see, and it had only taken him a short while to figure out that these random objects were things that had been vanished by witches and wizards on Earth. He had tried to open a window one time and grab a beautiful painting of a green meadow with flowers to help brighten the place up, but opening the window created a vacuum and it nearly sucked him out. After that, Harry had given up. There was nothing Harry could do to change his depressing surroundings, and The Void only made the boredom that much worse.

Yes, Harry James Potter, Master of Death, Death, The Scythe Wielding Madman, the Black Robed Demon, and whatever other name history had given him - was bored.

He couldn't visit his family and friends in the afterlife, and the total lack of real entertainment was simply horrible. There were no movies, TV shows, or music, so there was nothing really to enjoy. There were books, both magical and muggle that he could read, but Harry had never been much of a reader in life. He did sometimes study things that mildly interested him, but being the Master of Death, he pretty much knew everything anyway, so it always ended up a waste of time.

When he wasn't sorting souls, Harry would often pass the time by thinking about his life. Aside from all the hell he'd been through in his youth, he had really enjoyed how his life had turned out. He married his beautiful wife Ginny, had children, who in turn gave him grandchildren and great grandchildren. When he took his last dying breath at the age of one-hundred and twenty, he remembered telling his whole family, who was crowded around his bedside, that he loved them and would see them again someday.

If only he knew then…

Turns out that Dumbledore was a barmy old bastard who had set him up, but in a good way…sort of. Dumbledore had no idea what he was _really_ doing when he set Harry up as master of the elder wand and gave him control of the resurrection stone, but Harry didn't either, until he died.

When he died, Harry was met by the very ecstatic black robed, skeletal figure we have all come to know as Death. Death, who was dancing around like a child on a sugar high, greeted Harry enthusiastically, handed over his scythe, told Harry about his new 'job', and whistled a tune as he left through the door on the right front side of the room. Harry, who could only watch the immortal being go about his merry way in confusion, stood there wondering what in the hell was happening, but it wasn't long until he figured out what he had to do.

He had to sort souls based upon what they were. Muggles went through the door on the front left side of the room, witches and wizards went through the front right door, normal animals went through the back left door, and magical creatures were sorted through the back right door.

While it wasn't a very _complicated_ job, sorting muggles and normal animals was dreadfully boring, and unfortunately, there were more of them than there were witches and wizards. Harry knew all about the soul's life and death upon arrival, and while some of the muggle souls were interesting, most were mundane. Sorting famous muggle people was always a chore though, because they _always_ had their excuses and wanted to 'go back', but Harry only laughed and shunted them off to the afterlife without a second thought.

Witches, wizards, and magical creatures were a bit more interesting though, because they really didn't have an afterlife. They actually had a chance to have a 'next great adventure', and Harry could send them back in whatever form he, or they, wanted.

What was interesting about it, was the fact that this new 'form' could be either an animate or inanimate object.

Harry took great pleasure in sending his former enemies back as degrading and humiliating things, and he couldn't count the number of times he sent Draco Malfoy back as a rubbish bag. Of course, magical souls who ended up as disposable things usually ended up back to Harry pretty quickly, but this only happened when the living muggle humans had no more use for them, and sent them off to the landfills.

Most magical beings wished to return to life as they had been, but some wanted an entirely different life. They never kept their memories after they were sent back, but they did regain all the memories of their past lives upon death.

Wizards like Arthur Weasley often chose different life scenarios. The last few times Harry met Arthur, the muggle happy wizard wanted to actually live life as a completely normal muggle man, so Harry happily sent him back as a farmer living in the Southeast United States. Upon his next death, Arthur had been thrilled and decided that he wanted to spend his next great adventure as a piece of cotton. He hadn't been nearly as enthusiastic about that upon his next return. Apparently going through life as a T-shirt, which ended up being used as an emergency makeshift baby diaper, wasn't all that exciting, so Arthur had opted for a normal life as a wizard again, which Harry found extremely funny.

Ginny wanted to kill him when he sent her back as a Las Vegas showgirl one time, and his Mum, Lily, gave him an earful when she realized she had spent one of her lives as an actual lily. Lily wasn't all that mad though. She had been picked out of a garden and given to a sweet little old lady as an 'I love you gift' from the lady's husband.

Harry couldn't help but smile at that.

Just like everyone he had met in life, Harry had come across Dumbledore's soul on more than a few occasions, and once Dumbledore learned exactly what he did to Harry, he could only apologize profusely. Harry, for his part, forgave him, but not before sending his old Headmaster back as a wool sock, which was chewed beyond repair by an overzealous puppy. Dumbledore laughed about it when he returned, but they talked for a good length of time before Harry sent the old man onto another great adventure.

Harry actually found out that Dumbledore was really Godric Gryffindor in a former life, while Gellert Grindelwald had been Salazar Slytherin. Gryffindor and Slytherin had been best friends at one time, but had a falling out later in life which caused Slytherin to leave Hogwarts. Given Dumbledore's personality and what he knew of Grindelwald, Harry was shocked, but he really wasn't all that surprised.

As for Harry himself, he was considered a 'new soul'. Upon his birth and death, it was the first time he had gone through life, and truth be told, he was a little miffed about the whole thing. New souls were quite common with both muggles and magical people, so he wasn't odd or abnormal in that aspect, but it was the simple fact that _he_ had not been given the chance to have his own 'next great adventure'.

Most of his friends and family thought being Death was an excellent next great adventure, but only because _they_ weren't the ones having to sit on the Black Throne of Death and do the mindless, boring task of sorting souls.

Harry desperately needed some excitement in his life, but what could he do? The first Death told him that he couldn't just rewind time and go back to change things. He had to actually create a whole different reality, and that caused a major backlog of all the souls who needed to be sorted upon his return. Of course, he could always return to The Void each night to do the sorting and eliminate the backlog, but did he really want to return each night? Could he sort the souls of the present, in the days of Earth's alternate past?

Harry jumped up from the couch, ran into the library, grabbed the rulebook from the bookcase, and began earnestly leafing through it. When he came to the right spot, his eyes flew down the page, and he grinned wickedly.

Yes he could!

It was complicated though, because rewinding time wasn't as simple as saying, 'hey I want to go back to such and such a year'. He would need to create an alternate reality, and in order to do that, Harry would need to rip the souls of all his friends, family, acquaintances, and pretty much anyone who had lived, even if he hadn't known them personally, from the present and send them back into their bodies of the past.

Harry grinned at the thought of his own little 'playground'. He could cause as much mayhem, destruction, and death as he wanted, and none of his actions would affect the present 'real' reality.

It was probably why he had to create the alternate reality in the first place, but it was of no matter to Harry. He could do what he wanted to do, and no one could stop him. His friends and family would probably kill him when they died in this alternate reality, because they would remember both worlds, and he would likely get chewed out by the great Albus Dumbledore, but he didn't care.

He was bored, and desperately needed something to do.

The only thing he could not do though, was 'pass the torch' so to speak. Since this was only an alternate reality, he would remain the Master of Death. One cannot just _give_ the title away by rewinding time and creating alternate realities.

Not that he'd want to really. He actually liked being the Master of Death, he just hated the boredom that came with it.

"POTTER!"

Harry's head snapped up and spotted a soul standing in the middle of his library, glaring at him, and covered in white sticky glue. He grinned, placed the rulebook down on the table, and slowly approached it.

"Tom." He snorted.

"I hate you Potter. I really, really hate you."

Harry burst out laughing. "Well, I wasn't expecting another soul this late into my evening, but I'm always happy to make exceptions for friends."

Tom Riddle glared at Harry some more, but then he sighed in defeat and plopped down in a nearby chair.

"They killed me. Those terrible little monsters killed me. They put rat poison in my coffee, and just as I was taking my last breath, those horrible creatures covered me with glue!" Tom ranted.

"Rat poison, it's a nasty invention." Harry agreed as he nodded.

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" Tom roared, only to be met with more laughter.

"How's running a muggle daycare working for you?" Harry chuckled as he vanished the glue, and poured himself, and his guest, a glass of whiskey.

Tom took the offered drink with a glare, but drank it down in one smooth gulp. "That was worse than the time you sent me back as a touch lamp." He grumbled.

"I'm just doing my duty."

"You placed me in a muggle nursing home!"

"Well, no one's perfect." Harry said offhandedly as Tom glared at him some more. "You're lucky I even took pity on you. If I hadn't put your soul back together, you'd still be floating around in Limbo."

"Yes, I suppose I _should_ be grateful, but really Potter, a daycare operator?"

Harry burst out laughing again. "It seemed fitting. After all, you did want to be a Professor once upon a time."

Tom rolled his eyes. "Only so that I could recruit Death Eaters under Dumbledore's nose, but the old man denied me of that."

"Yes, then you threw a temper tantrum and started a war." Harry dryly pointed out, causing Tom to shrug.

"I've grown out of that in the last two-thousand years, and have come to the conclusion that I may have been a little…insane…at the time. Although, I do have to admit that during my stays here in The Void, I often contemplate on what I could have done differently." He sighed, causing Harry to raise an eyebrow at him.

"What would you have done differently?" He asked curiously.

"I don't know, lots of stuff, but I guess it's neither here nor there." Tom replied as he stood up. "Alright, so what hell will you place upon me this time?" He asked, looking slightly depressed.

Harry took a good long look at Tom, and an idea began to form in his mind. The man looked like an older version of the sixteen year old boy he had seen in the Chamber of Secrets that fateful day at the end of his second year, but he never understood why. In fact, all the souls of the ones he knew in life looked just as they did when he knew them. Harry really wasn't sure if this was just his way of being able to tell the souls of his friends, family, enemies, and acquaintances apart, or if it was how they looked in every life he sent them too, but he really never paid that much attention to it.

Nor did he really care.

However, he stood up and smiled at the former Dark Lord that had caused him so much hell, and threw his arms around the stunned man's shoulders.

Bygones and all that…

"Actually Tom, I'm planning something big, and maybe you can help me. I want to create an alternate reality, which will send us back to the year 1991." Harry said, looking at Tom with a grin.

"Your first year of Hogwarts?" Tom asked, looking at him in surprise.

Harry shrugged his shoulders and poured them another glass of whiskey. "Sure. I'm bored and desperately need something to do, and I figure that's a good place to start. The problem is, I have to rip everyone's soul from their current lives in order to create this alternate reality."

Tom stared at him with wide eyes. "Everyone?"

"Everyone." Harry confirmed. "Even people I didn't know in life."

"And you want _my_ help?" Tom asked, and Harry nodded.

"Yes, I do, and think about this Tom, we will be back in a world where people actually _talk_ to each other again." Harry said with a big grin.

Tom's eyes widened in shock. "Yes, I hadn't thought about that. With the invention of text messaging and its explosion in popularity in the early 21st century, the spoken language has completely died out. In fact, since humans never use their vocal cords anymore, the process of evolution has done away with them entirely."

"Yes I know. The only time someone can speak nowadays is when they die." Harry said, rolling his eyes. "And even then they still use wild hand gesturing to communicate what they are trying to say. It's funny though, because the souls of the dead also try to reach for their phones while witches and wizards reach for their wands."

"It's all the muggle teenagers' fault you know." Tom said, waggling his finger at Harry. "If they would have actually _talked_ to one another, instead of texting, even when they were sitting right next to each other, this wouldn't have happened and we would still have our vocal cords. Can we fix that by doing this alternate reality thing?" Tom asked hopefully.

Harry shook his head sadly. "No, unfortunately not. This is only an alternate reality. Whatever changes we make in it will not affect real reality."

"Damn." Tom said softly. "But it will be nice to hear people's voices again, and not have to deal with wild hand gesturing."

"Yes, I do have to agree with that." Harry nodded.

"But Potter, wait a minute. If nothing changes in real reality, what will happen when all the souls of witches and wizards get jerked out of the world and placed into your alternate reality, and what of the muggles from that time?" Tom asked, looking at his favorite frememy.

"Muggles are actually crafty at explaining away such oddities, so they will probably say it was a zombie apocalypse or something, only the 'zombies' won't be eating human flesh or any other such nonsense. They will only be wandering around aimlessly until I put their souls back into their 'real reality' bodies, or until those bodies die naturally." Harry shrugged. "As for the muggles of the time, since they are already dead and in the afterlife, I'll just recall their souls and place them back into the lives they were leading at the time. It's not a big deal really."

Tom raised an eyebrow at Harry, but shrugged again and sighed. "So what do you need my help with?"

"Planning, and if you do a good enough job, I might let you kill me this time." Harry grinned.

Tom's eyes widened in shock once more. "Really?"

"I said 'might'." Harry grinned, causing Tom's eyes to narrow immediately.

"And if I refuse to help you?" He asked, folding his arms across his chest.

"I'll send you back as toilet paper."

"So, when do we start!?" Tom cried, jumping out of his seat while glancing around wildly.

Harry burst out laughing. "Right away. I can only allow a soul to hang around in The Void for twenty-four Earth hours before I have to send them on, but if we can get most of the alternate reality created in enough time, I can just take you there myself."

"Will I have my memories?" Tom asked hopefully.

"You know what? I think I will let you keep them as a thank you for helping me." Harry replied with a grin, as Tom eyed him suspiciously.

"I don't know whether I should believe you or not Potter, but let's just get this done. I'll require another glass of fire whiskey though."

"Instead of just a glass, maybe a few bottles will help us get this done faster." Harry said as he waved his hand around.

Many bottles of fire whiskey appeared on the large table, and Harry gave Tom a list of things to plan, along with bunch of charmed pieces of parchment. These pieces of parchment gave Tom the power to create whatever he wanted from the provided list, and all Harry had to do was wave his hand in order to approve them.

He didn't even have to check them over in order to do so.

As for himself, Harry sat down and just began scribbling down things that could give him some sort of an idea on how to carry out this undertaking. He knew he wanted the world to be as close to the original one as possible, but he didn't really care about the details. He just wanted to toss the whole alternate reality up in the air, and let the chips fall where they may.

Tom on the other hand, settled down and, for once, began planning his own 'next great adventure' with much enthusiasm.

He'd be damned if he was going to let Potter send _him_ back as a piece of toilet paper.

* * *

 _Gong!_

 ** _Gong!_**

 ** _GONG!_**

"What!" Harry cried, jerking awake as he sat bolt upright in his comfy library chair.

"Potter, what is that infernal…"

"Oh crap!" Harry shouted, leaping out of his seat and looking around wildly. "Tom, Tom, TOM! Get up! We got drunk and over slept! Have you finished your list?"

"Stop shouting at me!" Tom snapped, as he rubbed his forehead and wiped the drool off his chin. "I have a major hangover. I think I drank too much…"

"Shut up and just give me what you have. That gong sound means we only have five minutes left of our twenty-four hours. Are you…"

Harry didn't get to finish, because Tom stood up so suddenly that he became dizzy and threw up everywhere. With an impatient wave of his hand to clear up the mess, Harry accidentally vanished not only the throw up, but also some of the parchment they had used to plan out the alternate reality.

They stared at each other in dismay.

"Which pieces of parchment were those!?" Tom asked frantically.

"I don't know, but there is no time to figure it out. I have to get you out of here now, or else I'll be forced to send you back and you won't retain your memories."

"But what happens if they were important?" Tom asked, trying in vain to ruffle through the stack of parchment in order to figure out what had been vanished.

"The world itself will make up the difference and fill in the blanks. Now, let's just go." Harry said, placing his hand on the large stack of parchment in order to approve the changes.

"Um, Potter?" Tom said, after the stack of parchment disappeared in a brilliant flash of white light.

"What?"

"I just caught a glimpse of something very disturbing." Tom said hesitantly.

"What?" Harry repeated with wide eyes.

"The sorting hat has been replaced with a pink and black polka dotted tea kettle, and it was written in your hand writing."

They both glanced at each other in horror, and slowly turned around to eye all of the many empty bottles of fire whiskey…and gulped.

"Well, I wanted exciting, I guess I'm going to get it." Harry said with a nervous laugh. "Because I can't even remember what else I changed."

Because he was still a bit drunk, Tom snorted loudly. "Imagine what else will be different." He said with a wicked grin. "Because I also can't remember what all I changed."

"I guess we are about to find out. We gotta go!" Harry cried, just as the gong rang again, signaling the one minute warning.

He grabbed Tom's arm, then they both disappeared in a wispy puff of black smoke, and headed off to an alternate 1991.


	2. A Dursley Knockdown

***A/N* I am so amazed at how many people have fave'd and followed this story! It's simply mind blowing for me. I really didnt expect a reaction like this, and because of that, I decided to go ahead and write this chapter. Thank you all so much!**

 **Now, I just want to say that as you read this chapter, please don't think Tom is pulling a Snape. As you read, you'll understand what I'm talking about, and I'll explain it a little more in an A/N at the bottom.**

 **Again, thank you all so much!**

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

 **A Dursley Knockdown**

It was dark when Harry and Tom landed in the freshly created alternate reality. They stood up straight to take in their surroundings, but Harry heard Tom gasp as he stared at the view that stretched out below them.

"You took us here?" Tom whispered, as a beam of moonlight shone down on them, seemingly putting them in a spotlight.

"Yes." Harry said quietly.

They were standing high on a cliff overlooking the whole of Hogwarts. The grounds stretched on into the mountains to the east, and to the west, they could just make out the tiny dot that was Hogsmeade. The water of the Black Lake lapped gently at its shores, but that was the only sound they could hear. Everything else was depressingly quiet.

"The last time I stood in this spot, I shattered the shield that was protecting the castle." Tom said with a slight quiver in his voice.

"I know." Harry replied quietly, as his eyes roamed the scene below them. "But this spot has always been my favorite place to come. Most don't know this, but I used to come here to think. I'd fly my broom up here, and sometimes Hedwig would come with me."

"It all looks dark and lifeless though." Tom said, tearing his gaze from the castle and looking at Harry in confusion.

"We are the only living beings in the world right now. Tomorrow when we wake up, everything will be proper. We just need to figure out where we were at…" Harry's voice trailed off as he waved his hand to cast the clock spell. "… At 10:27pm, August 29th 1991." He finished, looking up at Tom, who appeared to be lost in thought. "Weren't you firmly planted in the back of Quirrell's head by this point? And for that matter, why do you look forty years old? You were around sixty at this time in real reality, and also, why aren't you a wispy wraith like…thing?"

Tom snorted. "Eloquent Potter, but yes, I was a wraith. Not this time though. And as for looking this age, I changed it to where I'm simply twenty years younger."

"Why?"

"I have a plan." Tom replied with an unsettling grin.

"Oh?" Harry questioned, raising his eyebrow curiously.

Tom chuckled and looked down at Harry, who had already taken on his undersized, malnourished eleven year old form.

"Spoilers." He said with a superior smirk. "But since you are the Master of Death, even I can't hide from you the fact that I have no horcruxes in this world. Surely you realize that?"

Harry stood still and cocked his head to the side for a moment, then he nodded.

"So you don't. Intriguing." He said, looking up at Tom with a grin, as he absentmindedly rubbed the lightening bolt scar that was still visible on his forehead.

Tom watched as Harry carried out the old habit, but then he grinned. "Well, I cannot enact my new and improved genius plan of killing you with you hanging off my arm like a leech, so I take my leave Potter. Since no one else is in this world yet, I'll have to start in the morning."

"Aw, come on!" Harry protested, as he stomped his feet like the eleven year old he was portraying. "Can't you give me a hint?"

"No." Tom said with a grin. "Until we meet again. And this time Harry Potter, I shall bow to Death...just this once." He added with a mock bow and a smirk.

Harry burst out laughing as Tom apparated away, but where he was going was anyone's guess.

Harry stood there for a few more minutes looking out over the silent and still school grounds, then he shifted a cloud in front of the moon, thereby obscuring the beam of moonlight. Then he quietly disappeared into the inky darkness in a wispy black puff of smoke.

* * *

Harry 'puffed' to the end of Privet Drive, and looked around in amusement. It looked exactly the same as he remembered it, with one exception. The house at Number Four was now painted to look like a tie-dyed t-shirt. The grass was completely dead, the concrete for the driveway was cracked and broken, Dudley's toys were spread all over the lawn, and the garage had a large hole in the roof.

Vernon Dursley was absolutely going to _hate_ it!

In his drunken stupor the night before, Harry had done this on purpose. Of course, Vernon had no idea what was about to happen to his 'normalness', and couldn't wait to see Vernon's reaction.

If this didn't get the gossips on Privet Drive talking, then nothing would. Harry knew he was going to be blamed, but he didn't care. He hated his Uncle just as much as his Uncle hated him, but this time things were going to be different. Harry wasn't the naïve boy he had been in real reality. No, this time he was a two-thousand year old immortal being with all the magical powers of the universe at his beck and call.

And he wasn't afraid to use them. Especially on these poor excuses for human beings.

As Harry strolled down the empty street to Number Four, he couldn't help but grin. Payback, as they say, was a…witch, and Vernon, Dudley, and Petunia Dursley were going to wish they had never mistreated Harry in his former life.

He was nearly giddy with glee at all the things he could do to the Dursleys and get away with, but just as he placed his hand on the front door knob to enter the house, he heard a noise on the street behind him.

"Avada Ked…oh who am I kidding?"

Harry burst out laughing. "Starting early I see." He said with a grin, as Tom wandered up the walk.

"I just found my wand, but since there are no other living beings in the world right now, I thought, why not go and bother Potter?" Tom said as he took a good look at the house with an amused smirk. "What are you up to?"

"I'm going over different torture scenarios for my payback with the Dursleys. Want to come in?" Harry replied, as he opened the door and stepped inside.

Tom raised an eyebrow at him, but then chuckled. "Care to join me Potter? You and I will be unstoppable. I can bring your parents back, and…"

"Oh shut up." Harry snorted, causing Tom to grin.

"Well I tried. Anyway, can I even step foot in the door? What about the blood wards?" Tom asked, as he peered inside.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Those wards were put in place to keep me safe from you, but a fat lot of good they did keeping me safe from the Dursleys. Looking back now, I realized they were so weak that you could have brought them down pretty easily even before you regained your body. I don't know if you ever realized this, but once you took my blood in the graveyard, you could have waltzed right up the walk and into the house. As for right now though, yes, just come on in. I didn't even bother to put them in place."

Tom looked at him curiously, but shrugged and stepped inside. The interior of the house looked just as clean and pristine as it always did, and the shocked look on Tom's face made Harry chuckle.

"I want them to think everything is normal tomorrow when they get up so I didn't mess with the inside of the house, but when Vernon steps outside, I'm hoping he dies from a heart attack." Harry said with an evil grin.

Tom looked at him and shook his head. "Harry Potter, Dumbledore's Gryffindor Golden boy, ends up entertaining the idea of muggle killing and torture. What ever is the world coming to?"

Harry laughed. "Not all muggles deserve this treatment, just these ones." He said, motioning around the house. "I hate all three of them."

Tom was strangely silent about the 'not all muggles deserve killing and torture' subject. Harry half expected Tom to start ranting about how 'muggles are the devil', but he put it out of his mind as they walked into the kitchen. He sighed with relief when he spotted a stack of parchment on the table, and he flopped down into one of the chairs.

"I'm actually glad you're here really. This will prevent me from having to find you later and tell you everything." He said, picking up the parchment.

"What do you mean?" Tom asked curiously, as Harry divided the stack and handed him half of it.

"Well it's like this, at 6am tomorrow morning this alternate reality will officially start. As of right now, the world is still building itself based on what we wrote down last night. This here," he said, waving his own stack in the air, "will tell us what has been changed."

"Why is it important? I thought you wanted to be surprised." Tom asked as he leafed through his half of the stack of parchments.

"On some things I do. Like for instance, I don't want to know what you are planning to do. It makes things interesting and gives me a challenge." Harry explained. "However, I don't want to be broad sided by things like the sorting hat being replaced by a pink and black polka dotted tea kettle. The kooky changes that we made while drunk will be completely normal to everyone else, because it's what they always have known, at least in this reality. However, you and I are going to be flying blind, and I don't want either of us to look like fools."

"Ah. I think I understand what you mean now." Tom said, leaning back in his seat. "I've also changed my age, done away with my horcruxes, and I'm not a wraith, so we need to know what changes have occurred because of that."

"Exactly. I've already been to Diagon Alley with Hagrid, since there is only two days until school starts, so I'm supposed to know my own story by now, and because of those changes you just mentioned, I don't know what happened." Harry nodded. "I mean, for all I know my parents are alive, Wormtail is in Azkaban, and Sirius is already free."

At the mention of Peter's nickname, Tom scoffed and rolled his eyes, but they quickly got down to business. As he carefully read over each parchment, Harry snorted at some of the changes because they were clearly done after they had gotten drunk. However, other changes made him pause with concern, while others confused him.

After a while though, he finally sighed and looked up.

"Ok, I think I have pieced together what happened that night. Unfortunately for me, my parents are still dead, BUT, the killing curse was never fired that night. Despite the fact that you've done away with your horcruxes, that explains why you're not a wraith, or outright dead as the case would be in this instance since you have no horcruxes." Harry said, causing Tom to pause in his reading and look up. "Apparently what happened was, you came to the cottage in Godric's Hollow, killed Mum and Dad, and then you turned your wand on me."

"And…" Tom prompted.

Harry started giggling. "Apparently I had a large bout of accidental magic. I caused my crib to levitate, and ended up summoning a bunch of knives from the kitchen. After that you…uh…you became frightened, ran away, and haven't been seen since!" Harry said as he howled with laughter.

"WHAT!?" Tom shouted, snatching the parchment from Harry's hand.

"My scar came from one of the knives you tried to banish at me, but according to this world's history, it was a weak banishing curse because you were shocked and frightened." He snorted. "The knife only scratched up my forehead, before I vanished it."

"This is not…this is…this is asinine!" Tom sputtered, as Harry continued to howl with laughter. "I am Lord Voldemort! The most feared and powerful wizard since Merlin and Salazar! I am NOT afraid of a baby's accidental magic!"

Harry bit his lip to stop himself from laughing, but the tears flowing down his cheeks gave away how he really felt about Lord Voldemort being a 'fraidy cat'.

"Keep your pants on. Just keep reading." Harry snorted.

Tom's eyes flew down the parchment, but he sighed with relief a few moments later.

"That information is for our benefit only?"

"Right." Harry replied with another snort, only to have Tom glare at him. "In real reality, Hagrid told me, 'no one knows what really happened, but something about you stopped him that night'." Harry said, as he got up to grab a couple sodas out of the refrigerator. "I'm certain that is true here as well, so your reputation is still intact."

Tom grumbled something to himself that suspiciously sounded like 'thank Merlin', but took the offered soda and took a sip. Both continued to read, with one of them occasionally letting out a snort or two, but all of a sudden, Tom spewed his soda all over the table and started laughing.

"What?" Harry asked, looking highly amused by the spectacle.

"Gryffindork, Ravenflaw, Huffleduff, and Slytherin." Tom simply said, which caused Harry to stare at him in confusion.

"What?"

"The only one that is normal is Slytherin." Tom said with a smirk.

It took Harry a moment for it all to sink in, but then he finally cried, "What did you do?! You changed the houses!"

"Apparently. Though I have no idea what got into me."

"Whiskey." Harry replied as they both snorted, but then he looked at Tom curiously. "Ok, I get why you would take a jab at Gryffindor, and given how most Slytherins view Hufflepuff as duffers I understand that, but what did Ravenclaw ever do to you? Why call them RavenFlaws?"

That question caused Tom to scowl furiously. "I've always hated Ravenclaws. They are arrogant, self-righteous, pompous, know-it-alls, and I have always wanted to take them down a peg or two. They think that just because they are Ravenclaws, they alone have all the answers simply because 'they are smarter than everyone else'!" He ranted, which caused Harry to blink owlishly at him in surprise. "It's one of the reasons I pushed myself so hard in my studies. For almost two years, TWO YEARS, I was laughed at because I would sometimes answer a question wrong! Sometimes I would be called upon, but other times, I thought I knew the answer."

By this time, Tom was pacing around the dining room, and Harry could only stare at him in shock. He never knew about any of this, since he was still alive while Tom rotted in Limbo, so needless to say, he was both shocked and curious.

However, Tom wasn't done ranting yet.

"They would always laugh at me, and I hated them for it. The last straw came just before Christmas Holidays in my second year. I had raised my hand in Charms to answer a question that I thought I knew the answer to. Well, it turned out that I was half right, but the Professor gave me a few points anyway because some of my answer was correct. After class was over, Myrtle Warren giggled and laughed at me for only getting it 'half wrong'. She said, 'don't worry about it Tom, you're not a Ravenclaw. You're only a Slytherin, and you'll never be as smart as one of us'."

"Myrtle Warren?" Harry gasped.

 _"Yes."_ Tom hissed maliciously, slipping into Parseltongue because he was so angry. _"She had the gall to constantly laugh at me when we had classes together, but I got the last laugh."_

"Is that why you had the basilisk kill her?" Harry asked in surprise.

"That, and the fact that she was a mud…muggle born." Tom replied with a shrug. "I didn't care that Olive Hornby teased that pitiful girl over how she looked. Myrtle was an ugly, whiny, arrogant, pompous _bitch_ , and she deserved every minute of it. She was always making fun of others, not just me, and many people at school cheered Olive on. The day Myrtle died, no one even _cared_." Tom said with a superior smirk. "Of course it took me a few more years before I learned exactly who I was, but when the time came, I had the basilisk kill that filthy little mud…muggle born…and later, I used Ravenclaw's diadem to make a horcrux. Things may have changed in Ravenclaw by the time you attended Potter, but in my day, Ravenclaws, _all_ Ravenclaws, were just like Myrtle."

"Wait, I thought Myrtle's death was used to create the diary." Harry said in a confused tone.

"It was, but later I used the death of an Albanian peasant, who whored herself out for money, to create the horcrux diadem. I found it fitting." Tom clarified with an evil grin, as he sat back down in his chair. "I may have been completely insane for the last few years of my life, but I always had a reason for everything I did, and because of those stupid, arrogant Ravenclaws, I pushed myself hard. It was me, the Heir of Slytherin, which graduated with top honors, and not some snot nosed, know-it-all Ravenclaw. For many, many years, no one _ever_ came close to topping my marks."

"Until my Mum came along." Harry said quietly.

In the blink of an eye, all of the anger left Tom and he visibly deflated.

"Yes, not until your mother." Tom whispered. "And later, your friend Hermione." He added with a small smile.

The dining room was silent for several minutes as both of them sat lost in thought. Harry knew why the mentioning of his mother caused Tom to act the way he did, but he also knew that Tom wasn't ready to talk about it.

The pain was still too fresh for him.

He had seen the sad disappointment in Tom's eyes when he earlier said that both his parents were still dead, and Harry wondered if some of the parchment he had accidently vanished would have changed that.

Now they would never know.

Still though, the uncomfortable silence stretched on for a few more minutes, before Tom finally stood up.

"I think I'm done for the evening Potter. I'm tired, still a bit hungover, and I need my wits about me for tomorrow." He said with a sigh as he stood up and stretched.

"I understand." Harry nodded, as he too stood up. "If you stop by Hogwarts, there should be some hangover potion in Madam Pomfrey's potions cabinet. Grab one, it'll make you feel better."

Tom smiled and nodded, but just as he got ready to apparate, Harry called out for him to stop. Then, from out of nowhere, he conjured up a photo of his mother. Lily was sitting beneath a willow tree on the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest, surrounded by books, and smiling brilliantly at the camera.

"Take it." Harry said gently, as he handed the photo to Tom. "I don't know if this is what she looked like when…when you knew her, but at least you know it's her."

"Thank you." Tom said quietly, as he took the photo and stared at it fondly. "She does look just like her."

That comment caught Harry completely off guard and he stared at Tom with wide eyes.

"Really?"

Tom chuckled. "Didn't you know that, oh ye Master of Death?" He said with an amused smirk.

Harry shook his head and laughed. "Actually no. I thought it was just my way of telling everyone's soul apart. I had no idea every person looked the same in each life."

"Well, I can tell you for certain that they do." Tom said, as he gently squeezed Harry's shoulder. Then he apparated away with the photo safely tucked into his green robes.

Harry stood in the silence for a few minutes thinking about what just happened, but he smiled to himself, vanished the parchments, and rubbed his tired eyes. He and Tom had already gotten the gist of all the changes in the world, so what little was left they would just have to figure out.

As Harry made his way up to Dudley's second bedroom, he found it eerie to be walking around the house so freely, and especially after all this time. However, as he entered the bedroom, he grinned as he caught sight of all his school things spread out everywhere.

An empty owl cage was sitting on the makeshift desk with an open book beside it, and his trunk was open. Robes, books, quills, and parchment littered the bed, and his wand was perched delicately on his pillow, as if waiting to be grasped.

As Harry approached the desk, his eyes suddenly widened in remembrance. His History of Magic book was open, and one word had already been underlined.

Hedwig.

"Of course." Harry muttered to himself, as he brushed his fingers over the page. "I was trying to find a name for Hedwig."

He glanced at the cage and smiled. Due to Hedwig being a magical creature, he had sorted her soul a number of times. One time she had elected to become a house elf and another time she had wanted to become a hippogriff, but she was mostly content with being an owl. According to Hedwig, there was no greater honor than being able to deliver the post. Harry had thought that was a little odd, but then again, he was a wizard and not a magical creature.

His eyes wandered over the things laying haphazardly on top of the bed, but when his eyes landed on his pillow, he grinned.

Ah, his wand.

He grasped the old familiar holly and phoenix wand and just like last time, a warm tingly sensation flowed through him and sparks shot out of the tip.

Then Harry did something curious.

He pulled his hidden scythe from his robes and placed the holly wand into its handle. When the two merged, the scythe shrunk down and all that remained visible was the wand.

Harry grinned again. There was no other wand that could stand up to it now. His scythe was his, and his alone. No one could take it from him, and since the two had merged, he could call either of them forth at will. His scythe alone was unstoppable, but with them together, they couldn't be matched. Not even the Elder Wand could stand up to them.

Not that he entertained the thought of taking the wand from Dumbledore. In fact, there was no other human on the planet he trusted more to have it. It was safe in Dumbledore's hands, and in Dumbledore's hands is where it would remain.

Harry would make sure of that.

He was tired though, and decided to go ahead and clean up his bed, so with a wave of his hand everything flew into the trunk and settled in its proper place. He knew he needed to do a sorting because he already had a backlog of one day to get through, and if he didn't do one tonight, he'd have two days of backlog to get through. However, tomorrow was a new day, and he'd get to it then.

And the Dursleys were going to be his special guests.

* * *

Harry woke with a start to the sound of stampeding elephants shaking the entire house to its foundation. At least, that's what it sounded like to his sleep addled brain.

"BOY! GET DOWN HERE NOW! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT USING YOUR FREAKISHNESS AROUND THIS HOUSE!?"

 _Oh that's right._ Harry thought, as he sat up and quickly cast a few spells at the door. _Damn, he didn't have a heart attack after all._

 _BOOM!_

 _Grunt!_

"Open this door!" Vernon cried as he tried, and failed, to break down the door. "OPEN IT NOW!"

The unbreakable charm, combined with the hardening charm, had turned the door to solid stone and made it impossible to break down. Oh, how Harry loved those two spells, and there was no doubt that Vernon was going to have a sore shoulder today.

"BOY!"

"Good morning Uncle Vernon." Harry said with a cheeky grin, as he calmly opened the door. "Are you having a pleasant day?"

Vernon was standing there with a purple face, and was wheezing heavily as he glared at his nephew.

"What did you do to my house, garden, and garage!?" He cried.

"I painted the house, cut the grass, and redecorated the garage. It's lovely isn't it?" Harry replied with an innocent gaze. "Is there something the matter with the changes?"

"Matter, _matter, **MATTER**_!" Vernon bellowed. "It's…it's…FREAKISHNESS!"

"Yes, yes it is." Harry answered. "But I think it gives the entire property a certain…uniqueness, don't you?"

Vernon commenced to sputtering very harsh expletives, but when he tried to grab ahold of Harry, he found that he couldn't.

"Sorry Uncle, but you will never touch me again." Harry said calmly, as Vernon tried in vain to grab ahold of his nephew again.

It was a futile effort though, because Vernon's fingers only passed through Harry as if the boy were a ghost.

"As a matter of fact," Harry continued. "Perhaps we should take this discussion into the living room. There are going to be a few changes around here, and I think you and Petunia need to be aware of them."

He 'puffed' down to the living room, where Petunia was frantically peeking out of the curtains at the neighbors, who were gathered in Dursleys front lawn and pointing at the house.

Vernon let out a terrible roar, but a second later he was thundering down the stairs and into the living room. Petunia let out a startled cry when she turned around to find a furious Harry glaring at her. Vernon lunged for Harry, but landed face first into the carpet due to not being able to touch him, while Dudley stood in the doorway leading into the kitchen, staring at everything with wide, frightened eyes.

Harry pulled his scythe out of the sleeve of his pajamas and expanded it to its full size. Vernon started cursing again, Petunia screamed, and Dudley let out an undignified squeak for a boy his size.

"Sit." Harry ordered, as he rapped the end of his scythe on the floor.

The Dursleys instantly, and quite literally, flew together and landed ungracefully on the couch, where they let out several frightened whimpers. Harry stood in front of the fireplace, and started pacing back and forth as he began to address them.

"As I just told Vernon, there are going to be a few changes around here. For ten years you have treated me like a slave, fed me scraps of food not even fitting for a mouse, and kept me locked in a cupboard. On top of that, you kept my heritage from me, and lied about my parents' death."

"We took you in out of the good…"

Petunia screamed and Dudley whimpered when Harry disappeared in his usual puff of wispy black smoke, and reappeared the same way next to the couch. Vernon however, nearly wet himself when he found the curved blade of the scythe right up next to his fat neck.

"After the hell you have put me through, you should be happy that I don't use my scythe to separate your fat head from your shoulders." Harry hissed as his green eyes blazed with rage. "Now you will shut up and do as I say, or I promise you that _will_ happen!"

All three Dursleys began shaking like leaves, but Harry calmly backed away.

"You are the stupidest muggles I have ever laid eyes on. You knew I was a wizard all along, and while you thought you could 'stamp the magic out of me', you should have known better. Especially you Petunia." He said, as he bored hateful holes into her head. "My mother was a witch, and you know that you can't 'stamp it out' of people. That's like me trying to stamp out the breath from your lungs. Be thankful that I don't try that." He added, as he glared at all three of them. "But what did you think was going to happen? I'm a wizard, and you treated me like crap! Did it _not_ cross your puny little minds that I could use magic to get revenge!?"

Petunia let out a pitiful squeak, and glanced at Vernon with terrified eyes. Vernon on the other hand, just glared hatefully at Harry.

"However," Harry continued in a false jovial tone. "Lucky for you I only have two days left until school starts, so your…torture…won't last long." He said with a grin, as the Dursleys once again whimpered in fright. "So here is what's going to happen. For the next two days, I will sit on my little skinny, undersized, malnourished arse, while the three of you do all of my chores."

Vernon started to turn purple with rage again, but Harry nipped that in the butt quickly, by running his finger over a nearby table. This action caused the table to wither and turn into black ash that floated down to the floor.

"Shut up Vernon, or you will end up like the table." He said calmly, as Vernon immediately snapped his mouth closed. "Now, where was I? Oh yes, Dudley, you will go outside, pick up all your toys, lay down new grass sod, paint the shed, and weed the flower beds. Vernon, you will repair the roof of the garage, and it better be just as good as it was before, so no cutting corners. You will also wash the car, repaint the house, and repair the concrete in the driveway. Now, as for you Petunia," He said, as he looked at the woman and grinned. "You will be my personal maid. You will cook all of my meals and give me the same size portions as you give Dudley, and you will also clean the entire house from top to bottom." Harry finished as an evil gleam sprang into his eyes.

He once again rapped the end of his scythe on the floor, and Petunia instantly let out a blood curdling scream. Mold began growing on every wall, dust an inch thick covered everything in sight, and trash covered every square inch of floor space.

"And if I were you, I'd wear something over my nose and mouth when you go to clean the bathrooms." Harry added with a grin. "You will find all the materials you need to complete these chores in the shed out back. Now, chop, chop." He said cheerfully, as he clapped his hands together.

Petunia and Dudley whimpered, but they stood up. Vernon however, appeared on the verge of saying something, but Harry raised an eyebrow and pointed his scythe in Vernon's direction, and he finally got up and began moving.

"Oh and one more thing." Harry called out loudly. "Seeing as it's my normal punishment for not finishing my chores, I think it's only fitting it should be yours too. None of you is to get any meals until all of your chores are finished."

Dudley looked to be on the verge of tears, Petunia seemed to expect it, and Vernon only scowled before jerking the front door open and heading outside.

"Petunia dear, before you start cleaning, I'll require scrambled eggs, nice crispy bacon, fat juicy sausages, toast, and a tall glass of orange juice. That will be all. Oh, and if you try to poison it, ruin it, burn it, or anything of the sort, I'll kill Dudley slowly and make you watch while he screams in pain." Harry said with a sickly sweet smile. "You may go now."

Petunia paled and Dudley screamed, as Harry flopped down into a nearby arm chair, propped his feet up on a conjured ottoman, and flipped on the telly.

"Ah, this is the life!" He cried, then he burst out laughing.

* * *

It was a very long day for the Dursleys.

Vernon didn't get anything done, seeing as he spent most of his time cursing Harry under his breath. Dudley didn't get anything done either, because it took him all day just to drag all of his toys upstairs to his room. Petunia only managed to get three quarters of the downstairs cleaned, but she still had the rest to do, and all of the upstairs.

Harry only laughed at them.

Right now though, he was enjoying his dinner, and because they didn't finish their chores, he made all the Dursleys stand at the end of the table and watch as he ate the small roast, mashed potatoes, rolls, and corn he had made Petunia fix him for dinner. Petunia pleaded with Harry to let Dudley have some, but Harry glared at her and coldly told her no.

It was, after all, how they had treated him.

After Harry had eaten all that he could, he vanished all the leftovers, much to the dismay of the Dursleys, and leaned back in his seat.

"That was an excellent dinner Petunia. One of the best I ever had really. Oh wait, it _was_ one of the very few that I've had that wasn't cold, or pulled out of the rubbish bin." He said with a cocky grin, as he patted his very full stomach.

"Can we go bed now?" Petunia spat.

"No." Harry replied casually. "You won't be going to your nice comfy beds tonight. In fact, I have already magically expanded the cupboard under the stairs just enough so that the three of you will fit into it. However, you can't go to sleep right now, because you three are my special guests this evening!" He said cheerfully, which caused the Dursleys to immediately be on their guard.

"You think you're going to get away with treating us like this Boy, but you have another thing coming." Vernon said through gritted teeth. "We will call the police, and have a restraining order set against you, and the rest of you bloody freaks!" He yelled.

"Sure you will." Harry said as he rolled his eyes. "And I'll vanish it and make everyone involved forget about it, except you all of course."

Vernon looked ready to open his mouth again, but Harry stopped him with a cold glare.

"Stuff it Vernon, because unbeknownst to you, I quite literally own this world." Harry hissed. "This world that you now live in is simply a copy from an ancient time, and for over two-thousand years you have been dead. I called forth your pitiful souls from the afterlife, and it is by my grace and mercy that you live again." He said, as he rapped the end of his scythe on the floor and stood up. "I am an immortal being, incapable of being defeated by mere mortals, whether they be muggles or wizards." He said, as the air in the house became cold as ice. "You, Vernon Dursley, are staring into the face of… _DEATH_!" He shouted, just as the room fell away.

It was replaced by the sorting room, and the Dursleys cried out in terror as chains sprang up around them and held them in place. Harry morphed into his seven foot, black robed, skeletal form that he only used on very special occasions, and Petunia fainted at the very sight of him.

(Truth be told, the skeletal version of Death is basically used for comedic purposes. This of course was told to Harry by the original Death, who only seemed to use it on Halloween for some strange reason.)

With a twirl of his robes, that was worthy of Severus Snape, Harry turned around and sat in the middle of the room on his black throne.

Then he sighed despondently.

"The sorting shall began!" He cried in a loud, clear voice. "Bring me the first soul!"

"It's about time!" An old man with wavy dark hair said, with an impatient stomp of his foot. "I've been waiting here for two days! Do you know who I am!?"

"Yes." Harry replied with an impatient sigh. "And I don't really care. Please exit the room through the door on the left front side of the room."

"I'm not going in there!" The man argued, as he folded his arms across his chest. "I refuse to be treated like….aaarrrggghh!" He shouted, as Harry sent it forcefully flying through the door.

And on, and on it went.

Soul after soul. It seemingly went on for days, but Harry knew it was only because of the backlog. However, he knew that he was getting through it when the souls became less angry and irritable, and more humble and frightened.

In truth, he got through all the souls from both realities in record time, despite having spent nearly five minutes with the soul of a Priest, who didn't seem to understand that Harry was neither God nor Satan.

But he was used to such conversations.

However, there was one soul who caught him completely off guard, and it wasn't one of the backlogged souls.

"Professor Quirrell!" Harry exclaimed as he stood up in shock. "What…how…why?!"

"Potter! What is the meaning of this!?" Quirrell cried. "One minute I'm standing on the edge of the Forbidden Forest, and the next minute I'm in the waiting room! How did I get here? What's going on? Why are people actually talking and not using their wands for communication, and why in the hell am I Quirrell again!?" The completely shocked and exasperated man shouted.

"Well," Harry said carefully as he sat back down. "You're in an alternate reality. I created this world because I was bored and needed something to do. It's 1991 in this world."

"Oh?" Quirrell said in a slightly shocked tone. "Well then how did I die? I'm supposed to be the Defense…"

"Yes, yes. I know." Harry said, holding up his hand. "And I'm afraid to tell you this, but you were killed by Tom. Though I must admit that I have no idea what he is up to."

"Voldemort?" Quirrell asked in shock. "Is that right? Well, umm Potter I have a question. Can I be resorted into this alternate reality? I like the fact that I can actually use my vocal cords again. I don't care where you put me, or what you turn me into, just keep me in the alternate reality. I like it better than the real one."

"Really?" Harry asked in shock, only to have Quirrell nod. "Well there is no rule against it, and this world will remain as it is until I decide to do away with it, if I choose to do that. What would you like to go back as?"

Quirrell looked extremely happy at this news, and started to actually bounce on the balls of his feet.

"Send me back as a wizard. A muggle born this time though. I want to see what muggle technology was like in this century. After all, I was the muggle studies teacher at one time."

"I can do that." Harry grinned. "You know what to do, and Professor, I'm sorry you died this early."

"Think nothing of it Potter! This is great! I can actually talk again!" He cried happily, just as he disappeared through the door on the right front side of the room.

Harry didn't have time to ponder over Quirrell's death, seeing as he needed to get through the rest of the day's souls, but as the sorting _finally_ ended, he stood up, stretched, and looked around as the room returned to normal.

"Oh, I forgot all about you three." He said, as he caught sight of the Dursleys. "Someone prod Petunia, I do think she may be asleep."

It was actually Dudley who woke his mother up, simply because Vernon looked too stunned and scared to move.

However, Harry got them rounded up and herded into the cupboard, which he locked with magic, before he stomped up the stairs. This caused the Dursleys to start muttering loud curses because of the dust and spiders that fell down onto their heads, but Harry didn't care.

As he slipped out of his robe and into his pajamas, his thoughts drifted to Quirrell, and by extension, Tom.

 _What are you up too Riddle?_ He thought, as he slowly drifted off to sleep. _I know you're up to something._

* * *

 ***A/N* Ok, As I said before, Tom is not pulling a Snape. What happened with Tom and Lily in a previous life is NOT what you are thinking, but I will have the tale unfold as the story progresses. Keep in mind, Tom has lived hundreds of life times, and because Harry let him keep his memories, he remembers ALL of them. That's one of the reasons for his strange behavior, but more about that later!**


	3. A Twisty Train

**Chapter 3**

 **A Twisty Train**

The next day, the Dursleys had an even tougher time doing the chores Harry had ordered them to do. This was mostly because Vernon and Dudley complained about the lack of food, but it was also because Harry had ordered them to do more chores.

Harry knew that once he went back to school that Vernon would hire someone to do all this for them, but he really didn't care. Besides, there was always next summer should Harry want to continue with this alternate reality, but the Dursleys didn't have to know that right now.

Harry spent most of the day pretty much the same way he had spent it the day before.

Right in front of the telly.

He watched all three Star Wars movies, as well as all three Back to the Future movies, and he couldn't help but laugh at the last three.

Oh the irony.

By the end of the day though, Vernon actually managed to get the front door painted, which was quite an accomplishment for him. Petunia was able to get the rest of the house cleaned and back in order, and Dudley finally got all the grass sod laid down in the front yard.

It was a miracle to be honest.

"Well Petunia," Harry said as he sat down to dinner that night. "Since you finished your chores today, you may eat."

Petunia scowled at him, but shook her head. "I want Dudley to have my meal tonight." She said with a haughty tilt of her head.

Harry sighed. "No can do Tuney." He said, causing her eyes to widen at the name. "No trades. Dudley didn't finish his chores."

"You will let my son eat!" Petunia screamed, causing Harry to chuckle.

"I'm sure that my Mum has been screaming the same thing from the grave for the last ten years, and since you ignored her, I'm going to ignore you."

"YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH…"

Harry cast a silencing charm on Vernon, who nearly choked on the rest of his silent words, but both of the Dursley adults just ended up glaring at him.

Dudley on the other hand, whimpered in fright, or maybe it was hunger?

Harry wasn't sure, but he knew the boy wasn't going to starve. Besides, he'd be gone by the time the Dursleys woke up in the morning, so it wasn't like they had much longer to wait.

Once Harry finished his meal of fish and chips, he vanished the rest. Dudley looked like he was going to say something, but when Harry raised an eyebrow and looked at him, he just kept his mouth shut and stared at the floor with tears running down his cheeks.

Harry only smirked.

"Time for a sorting!" He exclaimed happily, causing all three Dursleys to pale rapidly. "And this time Tuney, no sleeping." He added, as he waggled his finger at her.

All three whimpered in fright, but before they could even blink, they were chained to the floor by their necks and wrists. Harry had resumed his skeletal form, which made Petunia scream and faint again, but this time, Harry didn't let her remain that way.

"What did I say?" He asked, once he had woken her up.

She was once again screaming hysterically, but then he hit her with a silencing charm and a charm that would keep her awake this time.

"You can't do this to us! You'll never get away with it!" Vernon yelled, only to be met with Harry's amused, bony grin.

"Wanna bet?" He asked, just as the kitchen and dining room changed into the sorting room.

Vernon shrank back as much as the chains would let him, but at least he shut up.

"The sorting shall begin!" Harry called out loudly, as he sat down on the Black Throne of Death.

Since there were no natural disasters in either reality that day, the sorting was pretty normal. The few witches and wizards that he came across were confused and asked a bunch of questions about why they were back in these particular lives, so Harry patiently explained it to them.

To say they were excited was an understatement.

All of them wanted to be resorted back into the alternate reality. Harry was actually surprised at this because he figured that most would be angry at him for ripping their souls out of real reality, but they really weren't.

They, like Quirrell the night before, loved being able to talk again.

Harry was almost finished with the sorting and was actually in pretty high spirits considering he always found it tedious, but once again he found himself face to face with a wizard he did not expect.

"WHAT!?" He shouted, as he jumped out of his seat when the very last soul appeared before him. "NO! Absolutely not!"

"POTTER! What the hell is going on!?"

Harry glared at the black robed, highly irritated soul of his least favorite Professor second to Umbridge, but it wasn't because he was mad at the man.

No, he was mad at Tom.

"No, no, no, no, no, no!" Harry cried. "I am not going to put up with this. I'm going to send you straight back to the moment you died. I am not going to let him kill you just yet."

"POTTER!?" Severus Snape shouted with a loathing glare. "What the hell is going on?" He asked again through gritted teeth. "Will you explain to me why I'm Severus Snape again, and why I was killed by a killing curse as I was exiting out of the Slytherin common room?!" He said, but then he caught sight of Harry's guests, and his eyes nearly bugged out. "And why in the hell are the Dursleys chained to the floor!?"

"It's Tom, but I'm not letting him get away with this. I'm sending you right back, and you won't remember this little foray to my throne. This is my alternate reality, and I can do what I want!" Harry ranted, to no one in particular.

"Potter." The greasy haired man growled through gritted teeth. "I ask again. Why am I…?"

"Don't worry about it. You're on a need to know basis, and you don't need to know. Besides, even if I told you, you wouldn't remember anyway. I'm just going to send you back."

"Potter! If I don't get an explanation…aaarrrggghh!" Snape screamed, just as Harry banished him back to the alternate reality.

"Tom Riddle!" Harry yelled, as he rapped the end of his scythe on the floor.

A moment later, a very confused looking Tom appeared before Harry, and he actually did a double take at what he saw.

"Are those the Dursleys?" He asked with an amused grin.

"Yes." Harry replied dryly.

"Interesting Potter. I may have to steal that idea."

Harry just glared at him.

"What's the matter?" Tom asked, looking at Harry with a bit of wariness.

"You killed Snape."

"Yes, I did. He's a spy, and I wanted to be rid of him." Tom said, folding his arms across his chest.

"I sent him back. He won't remember that he died though." Harry said with an annoyed glare.

"What!?" Tom shouted. "But Potter…!"

"No!" Harry said, as if he were chastising a small child. "I want to torture Snape before he dies, if he dies. You can kill him later at your leisure if you want, but I want some fun with the greasy bat first."

"Really?" Tom said curiously, as he unfolded his arms.

"Yes, so no killing him, or Dumbledore for that matter, before I have had my fun."

"Oh all right." Tom said with a sigh. "I suppose I can work around Severus, but I actually had no plans to kill Dumbledore, at least not right away." He said with a mysterious grin.

"And you're not going to tell me what you're planning, are you?" Harry asked with a chuckle.

"Nope." Tom snorted.

"All right. I have my suspicions because I sorted Quirrell last night, but I'll wait." Harry said as he stood up.

When he did, the sorting room vanished, and was replaced with the Dursley's kitchen. The Dursleys themselves stood up once the chains vanished, but none of them made a move as they watched Tom and Harry closely.

But Vernon could always be counted on to open his mouth.

"BOY!? Who is that man!? I demand an answer!"

Harry and Tom both looked at Vernon with raised eyebrows, but Harry grinned.

"Oh him?" He asked, pointing at Tom. "He's the reason I was dumped on your doorstep. He's the man that killed my Mum and Dad."

"Hello." Tom said, giving the shocked Dursleys a small wave.

Harry just snorted.

"You can apparate back to wherever I pulled you from now that the sorting room is gone." He said as he snapped his fingers.

The Dursleys knew it was a sign that they were to go to the cupboard, but Tom just watched it all with amusement.

"I'll see you soon Potter." Tom said with a chuckle and a shake of his head, just before he apparated out.

"Looking forward to it my friend." Harry said to himself, as loud complaining could be heard coming from the cupboard.

* * *

Harry grinned as he quietly unlocked the cupboard door the next morning. It was early, around 6:30 or so, but he knew the Dursleys weren't awake yet, judging by all the snoring. He knew it would take them a while to realize that he was gone, but he grinned even more when he thought about the note he had left for them.

 _See you next summer Dursleys!_

It was all the note said. Harry wondered how long it would take the Dursleys to move away from Privet Drive, but he just laughed. He would drag them back kicking and screaming if he had to, even if they sold the house and someone else bought it.

But he'd deal with that when the time came.

Harry returned to his room so he could let Hedwig out of her cage and send her on ahead to Hogwarts, then he shrunk her cage, and his trunk, and stuffed them into his pocket.

After spending a few minutes changing his looks, he 'puffed' to the Leaky Cauldron to get some breakfast and to wander around Diagon Alley before it was time to head to Kings Cross Station. He got to Platform 9 ¾ in plenty of enough time, secured a compartment, and finally sat down to wait.

As the platform began filling up, nostalgia overtook Harry as he spied Hermione and her parents. They all seemed nervous, but Hermione's eyes were shining brightly as she said goodbye to them and boarded the train. Then Harry smacked himself upside the head.

Hermione was going to _kill_ him for this little stunt.

Harry was so preoccupied with imagining all the hexes, jinxes, and ranting he'd have to endure when she found out about this, that he didn't even realize the train began to move. In fact, he didn't even snap out of the scenario until Ron opened up the compartment.

Harry looked up, but tried to keep the happy grin off his face so that he wouldn't look like a barmy fool. Instead, he just stared at his longtime best friend and brother-in-law.

"Are you a first year too?" Harry finally asked, as Ron's eyes swept the compartment.

"Yeah." He said quietly as he stood there.

"Brilliant!" Harry exclaimed. "Wanna sit down?"

"Sure!" Ron said, perking up a bit as he hauled his trunk through the door.

Harry stood up to help him get the heavy trunk into the overhead storage, but when that was done, silence reigned for several minutes as they sat there and looked at each other.

It was finally Harry who laughed.

"I'm Harry Potter." He said and grinned as Ron's eyes widened.

"You're barmy!" Ron cried.

"Nope, I really am. See?" He said, pulling back his bangs to show off his scar.

"Wicked." Ron breathed as he stared at. "Well I'm Ron Weasley. I can't believe I'm sitting here with you."

"I can't believe I'm sitting here with _you!_ " Harry said, causing Ron to pause and look at him oddly. "I mean, I've read about your Dad, Arthur Weasley. He's a genius when it comes to muggle things and stuff. You know, I'm actually very interested in how the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office deals with those kinds of mishaps. It's really fascinating. I can't believe you his son! This is brilliant!"

Ron owlishly blinked at him, but the he perked up a bit and grinned as he puffed out his chest.

"Well, my Dad's job is very important, and he does his best you know. He's the head of his office."

"So I've read. You think I could meet him one day? I think it would be brilliant." Harry said with a grin.

"Sure. Christmas if you can. My Mum won't mind." Ron said as he looked at Harry in awe.

"Sounds like a plan." Harry said with a chuckle.

The talk soon turned to Quidditch, and that was all they talked about for the next few hours. Harry told Ron that his favorite team was the Chudley Canons, even though he really could care less about them, but it made Ron happy and that's all he cared about really.

Ron asked about Harry's childhood and wanted to know if all the stories about him were true, but Harry told them they weren't. However, he did tell Ron that he lived with his muggle Aunt and Uncle who were the most kind and caring people in the world. He said they told him all about magic, and he even told Ron about the house they lived in.

Ron was fascinated by all of Harry's stories, and gladly began telling Harry all about the wizarding world, since he had never actually lived in it.

Ron was in the middle of a griping tale, that Harry was pretty sure he made up, of how his twin brothers, Fred and George, almost killed his other brother, Percy, with a broom, when the compartment door, rather loudly, burst open.

"So you're Harry Potter. Heard you were on the train." A blond boy said, as two bookends stood behind him.

"And you are?" Harry asked, as Ron glared daggers at them for the interruption.

"Malfoy, Draco Malfoy." He said, but glared at Ron when he snorted. He ignored Ron though, turned back to Harry. "You might remember me. I was in Madam Malkin's when you came in to get your robes."

"No sorry. I don't remember you. You don't strike me as someone who is all that important." Harry said, causing Ron to snort again.

"Think this is funny Weasley?" Draco spat. "Your family is poor. You shouldn't be seen with such filth Potter. It's bad for your image."

Harry gritted his teeth, but held Ron back when the red head jumped up. "At least the Weasleys are good people, and not Death Eaters. Good bye Malfoy." Harry said, and shoved all three of them out the door and slammed it shut.

"Wicked Harry! Did you really just say that?" Ron asked as he stared at Harry opened mouthed.

"Yes I did." Harry said with a firm nod. "My Aunt and Uncle kept all of the _Daily Prophets_ from just after my parents were killed until I was old enough to read them. I know all about _that_ family." Harry said with a snarl. "And I don't believe Lucius Malfoy was imperiused at all."

"I don't believe it either, and blame you for how you feel about them Harry. The Malfoys are a bad bunch." Ron said, as he leaned back with a sigh. "Do you remember much about that night?"

"Bits and pieces I think." Harry said as he feigned sadness. "I don't like to talk about it much."

"That's understandable." Ron said quietly, just as the compartment opened again.

It was Hermione, just like last time.

"Let me guess." Harry said with a grin. "You're looking for a lost toad."

"Uh…no." She said, looking at him oddly. "I'm actually looking for a lost chipmunk."

"I'm sorry?" Harry asked as he blinked rapidly in confusion.

"A chipmunk. A boy named Neville lost one. Have you seen it?"

"Nope." Ron said. "But we will let you know if we do."

Harry stared at her for a minute in shock, but he finally shook his head.

 _A chipmunk!? Really!?_ He scolded himself. _Where in the hell did that idea from?_

Ron had already introduced himself by that time, but seeing as Harry was lost in thought at the moment, he took the liberty to introduce Harry too. Hermione's screech was what finally brought Harry out of his thoughts.

She started talking really fast about how she had read all about him, but Harry wasn't surprised at all, in fact, he actually enjoyed it. However, it wasn't until Hermione stood up to leave that Harry realized that she had never introduced herself.

Then he smirked.

"Hey Rowena, you didn't tell us your name!" He cried, causing her to turn around in confusion.

"What did you call me?" She asked curiously.

"Rowena. As in Rowena Ravenclaw. You kind of remind me of a Ravenclaw because of your love of reading and stuff. I'm sorry if I offended you." Harry said.

It wasn't a coincidence though. Hermione was actually a very old soul, and she really was Rowena herself.

But of course, Hermione Granger didn't know that.

"Don't you mean Rowena Ravenflaw?" Ron asked, causing Harry to cringe a bit.

"Err-yeah, that is her last name. Sorry."

"No, no you didn't offend me at all actually." Hermione said as she blushed lightly. "My name's Hermione though. Hermione Granger."

Harry grinned. "Well Rowena. It was nice to meet you."

Hermione blushed again and even giggled a bit, but then she smiled. "You two better get into your robes. We should be there soon, I think."

"Of course." Harry said with a chuckle.

Oh yes, Hermione was going to definitely kill him for this.

* * *

Harry sort of spaced out when the train arrived in Hogsmeade, and even more so when they sailed across the Black Lake in the boats, but it was actually Neville who brought Harry back to the here and now when they reached the front doors of the castle.

"Chippy!" Neville cried, causing Harry to look at him in an odd sort of way. "Thank goodness. Chippy you know you're not supposed to run away like that."

'Chippy' stared chattering a mile a minute as he sat in the palm of Neville's hand, but Neville just shook his head sighed.

"Well just don't do it again." He said, looking at the chipmunk sternly.

Harry backed up a few steps because he wasn't sure if Neville was altogether sane right now, but unfortunately he ran right into Draco, who was less than pleased to have his foot trounced on.

"Oh, sorry Malfoy." He mumbled, still not taking his eyes off Neville, who was talking to Chippy in hushed whispers.

"Watch it Potter!" Draco said, shoving Harry into Ron.

"He said he was sorry!" Ron said, standing firmly next to Harry, who turned around and glared at Malfoy.

"Keep that up Malfoy, and you won't like what I do to you. Consider this your one and only warning."

"Like I'm scared of you Potter." He spat.

"If you only knew." Harry hissed, as he got right up in Draco's face.

The only thing that kept Draco from replying was the sudden appearance of McGonagall, who cleared her throat at the two of them, before turning her stern gaze on everyone else. Her customary speech made Harry smile just a bit, but it took every ounce of willpower for him not to burst out laughing when she mentioned the houses. Hearing Minerva McGonagall say Gryffindork, Ravenflaw, and Huffleduff was almost too much for him to bear.

They all dutifully followed behind McGonagall when she lead them into the entrance hall, and Harry 'oohed and aahhed' along with everyone else. However, he nearly yelped out loud when they walked into the great hall.

He stood stock still in shock and just looked around, which caused Hermione to run smack into the back of him.

"It's only bewitched to look like the ground outside." She said, as she patted his arm. "I read about it in…"

"Hogwarts: A History?" Harry squeaked, staring at the enchanted _FLOOR_ in shock.

"Yes. It's ok. Don't worry."

"Ok." He said unsurely, as he absentmindedly glanced at the ceiling.

Which was a perfectly _normal_ looking ceiling.

 _Oh, what in the hell caused this?_ He thought, as he hurried to catch up with the other first years.

He was still reeling from the shock of the enchanted floor, but when his eyes swept the head table, he almost burst out laughing.

Sitting right between Snape and Dumbledore was none other than Tom Marvolo Riddle, who was grinning at him like a lunatic. Harry clamped his jaws together to keep from laughing, but it was quite the effort to do so. Snape looked even paler than he normally did, and Dumbledore looked very tense.

And judging by the looks on both men's faces, they knew _exactly_ who was sitting between them.

Dumbledore even had his wand out, as if ready to defend someone at a moment's notice, but he was gripping the wand so tightly that Harry was afraid the old man would snap the Elder Wand in half.

Tom however, just kept grinning.

Harry finally let out a tiny snort, and looked over the rest of the Professors. To his surprise, they all looked tense and ready to fight too, if need be. McGonagall's eyes kept bouncing between Tom and Harry nervously. Flitwick and Sprout had their wands in their hands, and the rest of the Professors just sat and watched everything with wide frightened eyes. Harry was actually surprised that Dumbledore would tell the rest of the staff, because it really didn't seem to be his style.

However, there was one Professor that caught Harry completely off guard, and he stared at her opened mouthed. He'd recognize those glasses, that irritating laugh, and those damnable pigtails anywhere.

Myrtle.

Tom caught the surprised look on Harry's face and glanced down the head table, before looking back at Harry with a furious scowl. Unfortunately, it was in that moment when Dumbledore chose to glance at Tom, and he saw the look on Tom's face. Then his grip on the Elder Wand tightened just a bit more.

Harry couldn't help but snort.

 _Leave it to Tom to cause so much tension!_ He thought with a wicked grin.

Dumbledore stood up at that point though and smiled as he looked at the gathered first years, but Harry couldn't help but notice that he kept his wand trained on Tom the whole time.

"I am pleased to welcome all of our first years!" He said happily. "The sorting shall begin, and we will get to see where you all will be for the next seven years, but fear not, it's quite painless." He added with a twinkle.

Harry was actually curious about this, considering there was no sorting hat, and even Tom looked mildly intrigued. However, both of them were shocked when Professor Trelawney, and not McGonagall, stood up with a pink and black polka dotted tea kettle in her hand.

"It's quite simple really." She said in her usual breathy voice as she addressed the first years. "All you do is drink the enchanted tea from the enchanted cup, then the enchanted tea kettle will spew out the name of your house, in steam of course, not tea you understand. Helga Huffleduff was a brilliant woman for thinking of this easy way to sort the students." She said, which caused Harry to face palm himself.

Not because of the Helga comment, but simply because the process was so utterly _stupid_! Harry looked right at Tom, who looked to be holding back a bout of hysterical laughter, and shook his head.

'Damn whiskey.' Harry said, using sign language.

Sign language was a much smoother form of communication that was actually still used in real reality by business people, so Harry knew that Tom would understand it with no problems. It was also less detectable than the chaotic movement and wild hand gesturing that was more commonly used by everyone else.

'It's all your fault Potter.' Tom signed back, causing Harry to shake his head and roll his eyes.

'What are you doing here anyway?' Harry asked.

'See me later.' Tom said, though he had a large grin on his face.

Harry just shook his head again, and focused on the sorting. He really wasn't worried about anyone knowing that he was using sign language to talk to Tom, because he knew that no one at Hogwarts understood it.

Thankfully, not even Hermione understood it, though she may recognize it as actual sign language, but she wasn't paying attention to him, seeing as she was talking to herself at the moment.

"Nervous Rowena?" Harry whispered.

"No." She said nervously. "And my name's Hermione."

"I know that, but can I not give you a nickname?" Harry asked with a grin.

She blushed, but then she nodded.

"I suppose you can." She said with a shy giggle. "It's not like it's insulting to be called Rowena."

"Good, because I like calling you Rowena."

"Are you flirting with her?" Ron whispered.

"I'm eleven, so of course not. Don't you know girls have cooties? I was just being nice."

"Oh." Ron said, as he looked at Harry. "You're barmy."

"I certainly agree with that." Harry replied with a grin, causing Hermione and Ron to snort.

"We need to hush, and focus on the sorting now though." Hermione said, shushing Ron before he could speak.

"Bossy." Ron muttered, but Harry only laughed and grinned.

The sorting went much the same as it did back in real reality, though there were a few changes. Seamus Finnigan actually went to Hufflepuff, while Dean Thomas went to Ravenclaw. Hermione ended up in Gryffindor again, much to Harry's delight, but the most amusing change was when Crabbe and Goyle ended up in Hufflepuff, and Draco actually ended up in Gryffindor.

Draco pitched a fit right there in the middle of the great hall, and made to go sit at the Slytherin table anyway, but Dumbledore made him sit at the Gryffindor table where he belonged.

"My father will hear about this!" Draco yelled as he sat down with an undignified huff, which caused McGonagall to give him a disapproving frown.

Harry only rolled his eyes, while Tom actually burst out laughing. However, Tom's unexpected laughter nearly caused Snape to knock over his goblet, while Dumbledore turned to stare at him in confusion.

"The first of many times we will hear you say that Mr. Malfoy, I'm sure!" Tom said loudly, causing more than a few Professors to look at him fearfully.

Draco, however, just glared at him.

"And who are you?!" He yelled, as he scowled at Tom. "You don't know me! I belong in Slytherin, not Gryffindork! Judging by the look of you, I bet you were in Huffleduff!"

Snape paled even more, while Dumbledore made a move as if to protect the stupid boy, but Tom just laughed.

"Mr. Malfoy, I'm sure the Headmaster will properly introduce me once the sorting is over. However, as for your comment, due to your brash outburst and reckless mouth, I am convinced you _do_ belong in Gryffindor."

"You mean Gryffindork!" Harry corrected loudly, causing Snape and Dumbledore to stare at him in horror.

"Whatever." Tom said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"I'll tell my father how you spoke to me, and he won't like it!" Draco yelled.

Tom gave the boy a grin. "Do tell your father what I said, because he and I go way back Mr. Malfoy. Make sure you tell Lucius that I will send him and Narcissa my condolences."

"You're stupid and you don't make any sense!" Draco cried as he folded his arms across his chest, causing Tom to chuckle and Harry to stuff his fist in his mouth to keep from laughing.

"Your father will know _exactly_ what I mean." Tom said, as he chuckled darkly.

Dumbledore's eyes bounced from Draco to Tom and back again, but Tom just shrugged it all off as the sorting continued.

"Harry Potter!" Professor Trelawney called out a few minutes later, causing hushed whispering to suddenly break out among the students.

Harry stepped forward with an arrogant swagger and grinned and waved at everyone. This caused Snape to scowl hatefully at him, but Harry gave the man a beaming grin before taking the tea cup from Trelawney.

"Made any prophecies about me lately Professor?" Harry asked loudly.

You would have thought Harry had announced himself as Voldemort from the way everyone reacted.

Trelawney only gasped, but Dumbledore spewed pumpkin juice everywhere, Snape's eyes nearly bugged out of his head, and McGonagall actually shrieked.

Tom however, burst out laughing again.

"An excellent question Potter." He said, causing Dumbledore to slightly raise his wand at him, but Tom just looked at him and smirked. "Something wrong Headmaster?"

"No, not at all." Dumbledore replied with a tense smile, but then he turned back to Harry. "Go ahead Harry, continue your sorting."

"Okey dokey!" Harry said with an innocent smile.

He drank the tea, though he made a face at the taste of it. Clearly 'Helga' had forgotten to put sugar in it, though in 'Helga's' defense she was 'drunk' at the time. Despite that though, Harry watched in fascination as little puffs of steam began billowing out of the tea kettles spout, but then he grinned.

"Gryffindork!" Trelawney called out loudly, causing the Gryffindor table to burst into cheers.

Harry simply grinned, and ran over to the table, where he instantly began high fiving anyone who would give him one.

Tom bit his lip to keep from grinning, but he cast a glance at Snape, who was scowling so fiercely at the display that Tom was afraid Snape would kill Harry right then and there.

"Just like his father." Snape growled. "I'll kill him."

"Don't worry Severus. I might kill him before you get the chance." He whispered.

Snape seemed to snap out of his angry stupor, and looked at Tom with wide eyes.

"Of course My Lord." He mumbled. "Potter belongs to you."

Tom merely nodded, but Dumbledore overheard them and glared at Tom.

"Severus vowed to _protect_ Harry. He won't help you kill him." He hissed angrily. "Isn't that right Severus?"

"Yes Headmaster." Snape said, though he looked very nervous to say so.

"We will see." Tom simply said, causing both men to glance at him sharply.

The sorting finally ended, with Ron going to Gryffindor and Blaise Zabini going to Slytherin just like in real reality, but Harry kept his eyes on Dumbledore, Tom, and Snape while the feast was going on. Both Snape and Dumbledore seemed to be wound up tighter than coiled spring, but Tom's laid back, nonchalant attitude nearly sent him into fits of laughter, but he somehow managed not to.

The conversations flowing around him were much the same as they were in real reality, though Harry made an effort to include Hermione into his and Ron's conversation, much to Ron's annoyance. Hermione seemed to appreciate it and smiled at both boys as they all laughed and joked with each other.

The only one at the Gryffindor table who looked like he'd rather be somewhere else was, of course, Draco, but Harry couldn't help but glance at him occasionally and laugh. This caused Draco to scowl even more, and he stubbornly pushed his food away and refused to eat anything.

Once the feast was over, Dumbledore stood up and smiled brightly at everyone as he made his customary Start-of-Term announcements. Not surprisingly to Harry, there was no mention of death via the third floor corridor, so that meant there was no Philosopher's Stone to worry about.

After all, why would there be?

Then came the moment Harry had been waiting for. Dumbledore cleared his throat nervously, and motioned towards Tom.

"I have one last announcement to make. I would like to introduce your new Defense against the Dark Arts Professor, Tom Riddle."

This caused Harry to furrow his brow in confusion because the way Dumbledore had been acting, Harry felt sure Tom was going to make Dumbledore announce him a 'Professor Voldemort' or something.

However, whispering broke out in the great hall almost immediately when Tom stood up to wave at everyone, but to Harry's surprise, it wasn't what he expected.

"He's cute."

"I wonder how old he is."

"He looks young, think he'll go for me?"

"I can't wait for Defense! He's so dreamy!"

Harry stared around in horror at all the witches who were whispering about Tom's looks, but then he just rolled his eyes.

 _If they only knew._ He thought, as he chuckled and shook his head.

It wasn't long after that when Dumbledore dismissed them to their houses. It was at this point when Draco stood up and loudly demanded to be resorted, but since there was no such thing, Dumbledore sent him off to Gryffindor Tower along with all the other Gryffindors.

After the long trip to the tower, and having to listen to Draco complain all the way there, Harry flopped down on the old familiar four poster bed that had been his so long, long ago, and let out a contented sigh. Draco began to angrily stuff his belongings into his wardrobe and get his bed area organized, but Harry only chuckled.

"Not going to be pleasant with _him_ around, is it?" Ron whispered as he plopped down next to Harry, who sat up.

"Nope." Harry agreed as they both watched the blond boy stomp around the room.

"Chippy!" Neville cried, causing Harry to look his way. "Stop that. The sheets aren't for eating! I swear you're a menace."

"So what's with the chipmunk Neville?" Harry asked, eyeing the creature suspiciously.

"Oh, he is a confidence chipmunk." Neville replied, as he wrangled the sheet out of Chippy's mouth.

"You mean he steals people's money?" Harry asked, looking at him in shock.

"No! Why would you ask that?"

"Well, in the muggle world there are men who are known as confidence men, or con men for short. They think up cunning ways to steal people's money." Harry replied.

"That's barmy." Ron said, looking at Harry as he scrunched up his face.

"Don't worry Weasley, no one is going to waste their time trying to steal the money you don't have."

"Shut up Malfoy!" Ron cried.

Draco shot Ron a disgusted look, before crawling into his bed and snapping his curtains closed with an angry scoff.

Harry only rolled his eyes.

"Why do you have Chippy the Confidence Chipmunk?" He asked curiously.

"Well, confidence chipmunks are a magical chipmunk that instills confidence into the witch or wizard they belong to. My Gran got him for me a few years back when she noticed that I didn't have a lot of confidence in myself or my magical abilities. He's helped me out a lot, but he's a bloody menace! He's always getting away from me to do his own thing, and he eats everything in sight!" Neville exclaimed, as he pulled a quill out of Chippy's mouth. "Stop that!" He scolded.

Chippy made a loud chattering noise, which to Harry sounded sort of angry, but Neville only rolled his eyes.

"You'll get more food in the morning. Now go to bed."

Chippy ran to burrow under Neville's pillow, but Harry noticed that Chippy nicked one of Neville's socks that were laying haphazardly all over the bed.

Confidence Chipmunk indeed.

Harry just chuckled and began to get his own bed area situated. It was somewhat quiet in the dorm as they all went about their business, but after everyone put their stuff away, complete silence descended over the dorm room. Not a sound was heard except Ron's obnoxious snoring, and Chippy gnawing on the poor unfortunate sock.

It was when Harry decided to 'puff' out of the room to go visit his new favorite Professor.

* * *

He puffed into Tom's living quarters, which were housed just off of the Defense classroom. Tom didn't notice Harry at first though, because he was hunched over a large desk writing a letter, so Harry took a moment to look around.

It wasn't bad actually. Tom had a bed, a small kitchenette, a private bath, the large desk, and a few bookcases filled with books. Harry also noticed that the entire room was done in green and silver colors, which made him grin and shake his head.

 _Slytherins._ He thought, but then he chuckled quietly.

"HI PROFESSOR RIDDLE!" Harry suddenly bellowed, causing Tom to snatch up his wand and wheel around in alarm. "Jumpy?" He asked with a cheeky grin.

"Shut up Potter. You scared me to death." Tom said, lowering it immediately.

"Nah, I won't let you die that easily. Alright, spill it. What did you do?" Harry asked as he sat down on the edge of Tom's bed.

Tom burst out laughing. "Well, it wasn't that difficult to be honest. I drew up a magically binding teaching contract that stated Dumbledore could never fire me for any reason, then I used the imperius curse to make him sign it. After he did, I lifted the curse."

"I bet he was horrified."

"Most assuredly." Tom grinned. "He warned all of the other Professors about who I really am, but he doesn't want the students to know. He's afraid that parents will jerk their children out, forcing Hogwarts to shut down. I must admit that I truly don't want that to happen either, so I actually agree with it. However, due to the contract, I'm free to do whatever I please and he can't get rid of me. No one can actually, because I put that into the contract too."

Harry snorted. "And here I was thinking you were going to use polyjuice to look like someone else, or use a confundus charm or something like it so he wouldn't recognize you. I sorted Quirrell, so I knew something like this was coming, but I didn't expect it to be like this. What does Snape think?" He asked.

"Potter, when you sent Snape back, my first thought was to just keep killing him over and over, to keep him out of my way, but I have actually thought of something better." He said with a malicious grin. "Due to his true loyalty to Dumbledore, and his fear of me, it is my mission to see if I can cause the man to have a nervous breakdown before the end of the year." He explained, then he went on to tell Harry what happened at dinner.

"Oh this is going to be great." Harry said, once he finished laughing. "I'll help with that, because that sounds like an excellent plan. Now, another question. Are you going to kill Draco, or can I just push him off of the astronomy tower and be done with him?"

"I thought you'd want to have a bit of fun with him first." Tom said with a smirk.

"I suppose I could, but if he gets on my nerves too badly, I'll make him have an accident." Harry said with a growl. "I absolutely _hate_ Draco and his father."

"Sounds like something you'd do." Tom grinned.

"Yeah now, but not back in real reality when I was just a kid." Harry chuckled, but then he changed the subject. "Do the Death Eaters know your real name? I never did know if they did or not."

"Not really." Tom admitted. "They only knew me as Voldemort. Back in real reality, the first ones knew my real name because I went to school with them, but they never spoke it in front of the others. Severus knows my real name, as does Lucius, but Bella, Rodolphus, Dolohav and all the others don't."

"As far as you know." Harry said. "Remember, you're twenty years younger in this reality. So you went to school with Bellatrix and her crowd and they may know."

"Hmm, didn't think about that." Tom said, as he stared at the ceiling in thought. "It's no matter though, it's not like they would ever blab about it."

"True." Harry said with a nod. "Oh, before I forget, what the hell is up with Myrtle?"

Tom snarled at him, but Harry wasn't the least bit fazed by it. "I don't want to talk about her. I almost killed her the first time I saw her."

"Which Professor is she though?"

"Muggle studies." Tom spat. "And I'm just biding my time. If she even _looks_ at me the wrong way, I'll kill her again."

"Have at it. It bothers me not." Harry said, jumping up with a grin. "Just do me a favor though, please don't kill Hermione or Ron."

"Why?" Tom asked, looking at him curiously. "I didn't think anyone's death fazed you anymore."

"It doesn't, but they _are_ my best friends." Harry said with a quiet sigh. "And I want to enjoy their company again. It's been too long. Besides, Hermione is going to kill me when she finds out what I've done, and I want to prolong that for as long as possible. Though, she might very well try to kill you too for butchering her last name. She was Rowena Ravenclaw after all."

"Really?" Tom asked in shock.

"Yeah, so please don't kill them." Harry repeated. "I really have missed them. I mean, I know I could just do to them what I did to Snape last night, but I'd rather be spared the epic rant from both of them."

Tom studied Harry for a moment, but then he nodded. "You have my word Potter." He said sincerely. "I'll make sure they remain safe."

"Thank you." Harry said with a mock bow, causing Tom to chuckle. "Oh, and by the way, Chippy the Confidence Chipmunk? That wasn't me. Good call my friend." Harry said with a wink, just as he puffed back to his dorm room.

Tom chuckled one last time, but then he smiled sadly.

"It was the least I could do for the boy." He whispered, as he bent his head and finished his letter.


	4. A 70-30 Split

***A/N* Hey guys, as you read this chapter, please keep in mind that Harry is 'playing' the role of an eleven year old, so if his speech seems childish, that's why.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

 **A 70/30 Split**

 _Lucius,_

 _I would like to express my deepest condolences to you and Narcissa on the future loss of your son._

 _What do I mean by that you ask?_

 _It means that I am going to kill your pitiful whelp of a child if he ever calls me stupid again! I have taken up the vacant post of Defense against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts, and last night when your idiot son was sorted into Gryffindork, he had the nerve to call me stupid when I chastised him for pitching a fit in the middle of the great hall! He is an embarrassment to the name of Malfoy, and if he doesn't start showing me respect, I will kill him!_

 _I am very displeased with you and your family right now Lucius. I may have disappeared for the last ten years, but that doesn't mean I haven't kept up with the news._

 _The imperius curse?_

 _You denounced me so dismissively just so you could keep your pitiful, slippery arse out of Azkaban!?_

 _You dare?!_

 _I'm not happy with you Lucius, so consider this my one and only warning, and teach your son some respect!_

 _The Dark Lord_

"NARCISSA!" Lucius screamed frantically as he rushed from his study and into the sitting room where his wife was reading.

"Goodness Lucius, what has gotten you so…"

"Read this!" He said in a panicked whisper.

Narcissa took the letter from Lucius's severely shaking hands, and began to read. Once she was done, she stared at her husband in horror.

"Draco." She whispered in fear.

"We need to go to Hogwarts." Lucius replied with a tinge of fear in his voice.

"Right now." Narcissa agreed, as she stood up.

Then they both apparated on the spot.

* * *

Tom sat up at the head table and watched as the students slowly trickled in for breakfast. He had thought a lot about his plans once he had gotten into bed last night, and truth be told, he decided to make a few adjustments to them.

Simply because he was no longer Voldemort.

Tom had come to that conclusion the night he and Harry got drunk and thought up this barmy arse world. However, at first, Tom thought he could go back to being the insane, egotistical, selfish, psychopath, that Voldemort was, but truth be told, he really didn't have it in him to be that anymore. He was an old soul, much like Dumbledore and Hermione, and he had lived hundreds of lives before he became Voldemort, and he had lived hundreds of lives since. Well, once Potter put his soul back together that is. Not to mention, it had been two-thousand bloody years since his Voldemort days. Being Voldemort was just a tiny speck of time in his existence, and it wasn't all that Tom Riddle was about.

No, he couldn't be Voldemort simply because Tom Riddle actually loved some of these people.

Tom watched as Susan Bones sat down to fill her plate with food, and smiled fondly as he remembered the time when she was his mother. He smiled again when Neville, Hermione, Harry, and Ron came in chatting about something, and his heart leapt with joy as Neville grinned. Neville had been his older brother three lives ago, and Tom remembered the good times they had together. As he looked at Hermione and Ron, he remembered the times when they had once been his son and daughter, and Hermione had once been his wife.

Tom even watched as a nervous Dumbledore made his way into the great hall, and tears actually prickled at his eyes as he thought about the loving father the man had been to him not just once, but five different times. There were others sitting in the great hall who had also been his wife, brother/sister, father/mother, and son or daughter, and he loved them all.

No, he wasn't going to kill them. He couldn't.

But that did not mean he couldn't have some fun. Sure, it was a touch cruel to make them squirm and make them believe that he would start shooting off killing curses at any given moment, but this was an alternate reality. Yes, it was true, everyone was alive, but they had already lived this life once, and when they eventually died and learned the truth, most of them would probably laugh about it. And still, it's not like Potter would let anything too horrible happen to these people anyway, especially the innocent ones.

And the ones like Severus.

Tom glanced at the Potions Master as he nervously slid into the seat next to him. Potter can say what he wanted about Severus, but Tom knew better. If Potter truly hated the man, he wouldn't have named his son after him. Even to this day, in real reality, Severus was a common name in the Potter family, and everyone knew why.

Tom even had a lot of respect for the man, and was actually glad Potter decided to send him back. Severus had been a brother to him, as well as a grandfather, and a son. Not to mention, if Severus hadn't asked him to spare Lily's life that night, Harry would have died and things would have turned out a lot different.

If Voldemort had won, things would have been very bad indeed, and even Tom himself shivered at the thought.

However, as Myrtle made her way into the great hall for breakfast, Tom snarled at her. Yes, there were some people he genuinely hated. He could name many names right off the top of his head, and he probably would end up killing them just for the sake of being rid of them. After all, he did have to keep up the 'Voldemort' appearance somehow.

Tom's attention was suddenly drawn to Harry as he lad burst out laughing, and he chuckled softly.

Potter was currently trying to balance a whole pineapple on top of his head, but failed miserably and burst out laughing when it landed with a splat in the oatmeal, which went flying all over Draco.

Tom just shook his head and grinned. No, he wasn't going to kill Potter either.

Besides, it's not like he actually _could_ kill him.

It seemed to be an unspoken realization between the two of them. After all, Potter was _Death_ , and you can't kill Death no matter how hard you try, but Tom _could_ make a good showing of trying to go about doing it.

And that is what everything boiled down too.

This was nothing more than one big epic prank planned by a bored and drunk Master of Death and his equally bored and drunk friend, Tom Riddle.

James Potter and Sirius Black were going to be proud.

"Stupid arrogant show-off. No respect…no manners…doing what he pleases…just like his father." Severus growled, as he ripped up a paper napkin and threw it down on the table in disgust.

"Now Severus." Dumbledore said in a gentle tone. "Harry is just a boy, and you have to remember that he is not James Potter. He is his own person."

"But it's very useful to know that you hate the brat so much Severus. I'll look forward to using this knowledge in the future." Tom said with a smirk. "Vow or not Dumbledore, Severus here hates your Golden Boy." He added, slapping Severus on the back in a brotherly sort of way, which shocked the Potions Master speechless. "And hate is a useful tool."

"Did you hear that Severus?" Dumbledore said with a glare aimed right at Tom. "You're only a tool to him."

"Once again Dumbledore, you amaze me with your ability to twist words." Tom chuckled. "I never once said Severus was a tool. I said _hate_ was a tool."

"So is love." Dumbledore said with a haughty nod.

"Ah, love." Tom said with a grin. "How utterly pointless. Love is a useless tool."

"Only to those who don't understand it, or are incapable of feeling it." Dumbledore simply replied.

Tom scoffed, but everyone's attention was diverted when the Malfoys suddenly burst through the doors of the great hall. Their eyes frantically swept the room, but when they zeroed in on Draco, who was still trying to get all the oatmeal out of his hair, they sighed in visible relief.

"Looks like they got my letter." Tom said with a smirk, as Lucius scanned the head table.

Tom glared at the man, but dismissed him by motioning towards Draco. Narcissa didn't waste any time trying to get to her son, but Lucius took one last nervous look at Tom before joining her.

Everyone watched as Draco let out a surprised yelp when Lucius hauled him to his feet, but nothing they said could be heard, seeing as Lucius put up a privacy ward. However, it didn't take a genius to know what was going on when Narcissa shoved Tom's letter into Draco's face, and all Tom could do was laugh quietly.

"What did you do?" Dumbledore hissed.

"I didn't do anything except write a letter." Tom said innocently. "Why do you always think I'm up to something evil?"

"Because you are."

"I'm hurt Dumbledore. I truly am. I disappeared for ten years, so how do you know I didn't find compassion during that time?" Tom asked as he raised an eyebrow at the man.

"Because I know you better than that. Besides, you used the imperius curse on me and forced me to sign that contract."

"Ah." Tom said with a grin. "And how does that automatically make me evil? What if I simply wanted to teach these fine, young, upstanding children defensive magic? After all, it's not like you'd just _let_ me teach, especially because of all my past crimes."

"Is that all they are to you? Crimes?" Dumbledore asked angrily. "If you can simply call them mere crimes, then you haven't changed a bit."

"Again, I'm hurt Dumbledore." Tom said smoothly.

"I doubt it." He hissed.

Severus suddenly cleared his throat loudly, which made Dumbledore look up and Tom to glare furiously at him. Severus swallowed thickly, but his eyes darted to the approaching Malfoys.

Draco was now staring at Tom with wide eyes and he looked incredibly pale for a boy his age, but Lucius shoved him forward.

"Lucius, Narcissa, how can I help you? I must admit that it's quite a shock seeing you here this morning."

"Dumbledore." Lucius acknowledged with a curt nod.

"I'm guessing this visit does not concern the Board of Governors then, or even Draco's sorting?"

"Not at all. Draco's unfortunate placement in Gryffindork is an extreme disappointment to us, but one cannot argue, or go against, the decision made by the Sorting Kettle. We are actually here today because Narcissa and I received a letter from…" His voice suddenly trailed off and he cleared his throat nervously. "…from Professor Riddle."

"You can just call me the Dark Lord and get it over with Lucius." Tom said coldly, as his eyes bored holes into the man's head. "Or do you wish to denounce me again?"

"No My…My Lord. Forgive me My Lord."

"Get on with it then." Tom said coolly.

"Draco has something to say to you My Lord." Narcissa said quietly, as she bowed her head. "Please, have mercy on him."

Tom's eyes darted to the boy, who looked like he was about to wet himself.

"I'm sorry sir please forgive me I was just mad that I didn't go to Slytherin I didn't know who you were and I wasn't thinking sir I was just mad because Potter upset me on the train and my mind got away from me please don't do anything sir I really am sorry my Mum and Dad set me right and it will never happen again sir." He said in one giant breath, as he stood there trembling violently.

"See that it never happens again, and Draco, don't tell anyone who I am. Not even the Slytherin children whose parents belong to me." Tom said, and dismissed the boy with a wave of his hand.

"I won't sir, I promise." Draco said, before hightailing it back to the Gryffindor table.

"Thank you My Lord." Narcissa said as she visibly sighed with relief.

Tom merely nodded, but Dumbledore glared at him in disapproval.

"See, you haven't changed a bit. Draco is just a boy." He said angrily. "And you only think of people as your possessions."

"I know that Draco is just a boy Dumbledore. It's one of the reasons why I didn't kill him last night." Tom replied, completely ignoring the fact that the Malfoys were waiting for his dismissal. "Children make mistakes and need to be given the chance to correct them. I'm not a monster."

A loud scoff came from Minerva, who was sitting on the other side of Dumbledore. Tom raised an eyebrow at her, but chose to ignore it.

"As for your comment about people being my possessions. Well, they _all_ took my mark willingly. Isn't that right Severus." Tom asked offhandedly.

"C-Correct My Lord." He said with a slight stutter.

"See." Tom said, giving Dumbledore a brilliant smile.

The Headmaster just glared at him, but then he suddenly paled and his eyes widened as Harry finally made his appearance. Tom actually wondered what took him so long to wander over and throw a monkey wrench into the conversation.

"Hiya Hagrid!" Harry said cheerfully as he approached the half-giant, who was sitting on the other side of Severus.

"Good morning Harry." Hagrid said nervously as he glanced at Tom, who was simply smirking.

"You have a minute to talk?"

"No Harry, now isn't a good time…"

"It's ok, you can eat while I talk. I don't mind." Harry replied, effectively cutting the man off. "Listen, Uncle Vernon wanted me to apologize to you for all that he did the day you came and got me. They actually are very nice people, and raised me well. They took me in, gave me love, and really do care for me a great deal." He said, causing Tom to openly stare at him in confusion, but Harry ignored him and continued.

"Anyway, Aunt Petunia wanted me to tell you that we only acted that way in the hut, because they wanted to make sure you weren't working for Mortevold." He said, causing more than a few of the Professors to start stuttering in shock.

Unfortunately, Tom had _just_ taken a sip of juice when Harry mentioned that little zinger, and he spewed it all over Lucius, who was still standing right in front of him.

Harry grinned innocently at him. "I know Professor Riddle! It's funny isn't it!?" He said, with a laugh. "Everyone is _sooo_ afraid of saying 'Voldemort', so I decided to jazz his name up a bit and make it funny. Mortevold just fits perfectly because it's all mixed up!"

"Amusing Potter." Tom said dryly, as he watched Lucius nervously wipe the juice off his robes.

"Anyway Hagrid, as I was saying." Harry said as he turned back to the wide eyed half giant. "Uncle Vernon really doesn't think Professor Dumbledore is a crackpot old fool who teaches magic tricks." He said, causing Tom to snort loudly, but Harry continued without missing a beat. "He really does respect him, but like I said, we just had to make sure you didn't work for old What's-His-Name."

Everyone gasped in horror, but Tom just sat there with his jaw clamped tightly shut while holding his breath. Dumbledore glanced at him nervously and saw this, along with Tom's red face, and mistook it for Tom being angry.

However, Tom was simply trying not to burst out laughing.

"But Harry," Hagrid said, trying to change the subject and diffuse the tension. "Are you sure what you are saying is correct? You didn't answer any of your other letters, you didn't know about you're Mum and Dad, and you look like you've never had a decent meal in your life."

Harry stared at the man for a moment, but then he furrowed his brow in confusion. "I don't?"

"Harry look at yourself. You're all skin and bones. Are you sure your Aunt and Uncle didn't put you up to this?" Hagrid asked sternly.

Harry suddenly looked down at himself, but then he let out a loud gasp.

"Oh! I forgot! How did I forget this? It must have been all the excitement!" He exclaimed. "I can't believe I'm so stupid. Oh what was that spell Aunt Petunia told me Mum used when her pants got too small…" He said to himself, as he stared at the ceiling in thought. "Oh that's right, engorgio." He said with a snap of his fingers, then proceeded to stand there and enlarge his clothes with his wand.

Then to everyone's shock, except Tom, who was still watching this spectacle while trying not to laugh, Harry started to grow taller and fill out more. Then he changed his hair to red, and grinned at everyone, especially Snape.

"There! This is how I really look. I can't believe I forgot to do this before I came here, and I'll have to fix all my other robes too." He said with an exasperated sigh. "Anyway, Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon, and I came up with a plan, once the Hogwarts letters started arriving, for me to look abused in case Mortevold was trying to play a trick on us. We thought if Mortevold saw how pathetic I looked that he wouldn't see me as a threat and try to kill me again, but now that I have my wand and I'm starting to learn magic, I can defend myself and them, if I need to. So Hagrid, as you can see, I really do look like a normal eleven year old." Harry explained with a gigantic, innocent smile.

"You look just like Lily when your hair is red." Minerva gasped.

"Yeah, Aunt Petunia said I look like Mum when my hair is red because of my eyes, but when it's black, I look more like my Dad because of my facial features and glasses. My hair is actually black, but I sometimes switch back and forth." He said with an innocent smile.

"You're a metamorphmagus Potter. How interesting, because they are very rare." Tom said, with a hint of amusement.

"A meta-what sir?" Harry asked as he cocked his head to the side as if confused.

"Nevermind that Harry. I can explain it to you later." Dumbledore said quickly. "Please tell your Aunt and Uncle that we understand the measures they took to make sure you stayed safe. Now, please run along back to the Gryffindork table and wait for Professor McGonagall to pass out the schedules."

"Sure thing Professor!" Harry said happily, and he literally started bouncing away, but then he suddenly stopped and ran back. "Oh, one more thing. Professor Riddle, you might want to umm…watch your drinks and food and stuff, because last night when Professor Dumbledore introduced you, I heard a bunch of witches mumbling about how cute you are. I think I even heard the words 'love potion' as well."

Tom stared at him wide eyed with his mouth slightly open, but then he snapped it shut and glared at Harry, who was simply smirking at him.

"Thank you for that interesting information Potter. I will monitor my food and drink closely."

"You're welcome." Harry said brightly, but as he turned away, Tom had a sudden idea.

"Hey Potter, just a quick question for you. Do you remember anything about the night your parents died?"

"Tom!" Dumbledore exclaimed angrily, as McGonagall gasped loudly.

However, a small challenging gleam sprang up in Harry's eyes, but then he sighed sadly.

"I've been asked that question a lot actually, but yes I do remember bits and pieces." He said as he gazed at Tom with feigned innocence. "I remember being in my crib, and Mum was whispering things to me. She was crying, but then the door to the room was blasted inward and a man in black walked in. I'm guessing that was Mortevold, but Mum screamed and threw herself between him and me. Then it got weird. I remember he said 'step aside girl'. Then Mum shouted 'no'. Then he said, 'I said, step aside you silly girl', and she told him no again. I know he told her to move one last time, but I don't remember what he said exactly, but Mum stood her ground and wouldn't move." He said, as innocent tears streamed down his face, but then he continued.

"Mum turned her back on him, looked at me, and said, 'tell Sev I forgive him', and then she said, 'I love you Harry', then there was a flash of green. I don't remember anything after that." He said quietly, looking into the shocked faces of Dumbledore, McGonagall, Hagrid, and especially Snape. "I don't know who 'Sev' is and I don't know what Mum forgave him for, but I hope that someday I get to tell him what Mum's last words to him were."

The area around head table, where they all were clustered, was quiet as they all stared at Harry. For the first time ever, that Harry could remember, Snape looked to be on the verge of tears. Narcissa was pale and wide eyed, but Lucius was shooting curious looks at Tom, whose face remained blank. Harry couldn't read his expression, but with a slight legilimency probe, which Tom let through, showed that he was trying not to cry, and Harry knew exactly why.

Tom was remembering his own past life with Lily, which involved a similar scenario.

Harry actually cringed because he hadn't meant to open that wound, but then he sighed and looked at everyone else. "If she would have just moved, she would still be alive." He said sadly, as he shook his head.

Tom blinked a few times, as if to pull himself back to the here and now, but then he looked at Harry and smirked. "It's astounding that you can remember that Potter, given how young you were."

"Well, Aunt Petunia said that even though it was traumatic for me, she's not really surprised that I can remember. She said maybe it's a magical thing because of the message Mum wanted me to give to 'Sev'. Aunt Petunia told me she knows who 'Sev' is, but she never would tell me, which I never understood." He said, as he scratched his head in confusion. "I don't know why Mortevold asked Mum to move though, but it always seemed to me like he didn't want to kill her."

"Maybe he didn't." Tom said offhandedly. "Maybe he knew her and they were friends at some point, or maybe someone asked him not to kill her, but because she didn't move, he ended up doing it." He said, causing Snape to gasp quietly.

"Maybe, but I don't really know. I think that if I should ever meet Mortevold, I will thank him for trying to spare Mum, but then I'll commence to stomping a hole in his butt and kick him between the legs, before turning him into a tea cup, if that's possible." Harry said with firm, determined nod, as he folded his arms across his chest and scowled.

"I will do my best to teach you how to turn things into tea cups Mr. Potter." Minerva said with a smirk, causing Tom to chuckle.

"There are worse things that could happen to old Mortevold." Tom said, as he gave Harry a wink, which caused the 'innocent' looking Harry to suddenly giggle.

However, Tom's use of 'Mortevold' caused everyone to stare at him in shock, but Tom only shrugged it off.

"You wouldn't kill Voldemort, Harry?" Dumbledore asked curiously.

"Nope, because I won't stoop that low, but there are other things I might could do, if I can't turn him into a tea cup." Harry said with a shrug, causing Dumbledore to actually frown at him for some strange reason. "But this topic makes me sad, so I'm not going to think about it anymore, because I don't like to be sad. I like to be happy, so I think I'm going to go back to the table and tell Ron and Hermione a joke, but first I have to stick my fingers in my ears and wiggle them around, while I stick my tongue out." He said with a grin, and then he proceeded to do just that, which made McGonagall giggle as she watched him bounce away afterwards.

"I'm so glad that, despite remembering all of that, he is a happy child." Minerva said, as she glared at Tom. "At least we know you didn't destroy his spirit."

"Yes, he is a happy child. Good for him." Tom said dismissively, but then he blinked at Lucius in confusion. "You're still here?" He asked somewhat shocked.

"Yes My Lord." Lucius replied quietly as he bowed his head.

"You're free to go." Tom said in a tone that clearly suggested Lucius and Narcissa do so quickly.

They did, and Tom watched with some amusement as they left, but Dumbledore's shaky sigh caused him to look over at the old man.

"Tom, I beg you. Harry is just a boy, and he's happy. Please don't hurt him." Dumbledore said, as he looked at Tom in a pleading manner.

"You act like I'm going to murder the boy in his sleep." Tom said with a chuckle.

"That's what you tried to do the first time." Minerva spat, causing Tom to glare at her.

"Or you will try to kill him in the corridors. Or in class." The Headmaster said, as he eyed him carefully.

Tom just looked at Dumbledore and grinned. "I've already told you, I'm not a monster." He whispered gleefully, then he got up and left the head table.

Dumbledore sighed once again, but then he shook his head.

"Minerva, Severus, watch over Harry as best as you can, and I'll keep my eye on Tom."

"Of course Headmaster." Severus said sighing loudly, as Minerva nodded.

Then the two of them got up and began passing out the schedules.

* * *

As Dumbledore sat in his office that morning, he sighed loudly, leaned back in his chair, and stared at the ceiling. He really didn't know what to do. He couldn't fire Tom, or get rid of him in any way because of the stipulations in the magical binding teaching contract. He had gone through every word, clause, and statement in order to find a loophole that would allow him to get rid of Tom, but there was nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Tom had seen to it that Dumbledore's hands were firmly tied behind his back where all things 'Tom' were concerned. About the only thing Tom left to the Headmaster were the day to day operations of running the school, handling the 'political and Ministry' side of things, and overseeing the student's well-being and safety, which, quite frankly, surprised him.

However, there was nothing to prevent Dumbledore from raising his wand at Tom to stop him from harming a student or staff member, or outright killing Tom himself.

Which also surprised him.

 _It's because he's arrogant._ Albus thought with a scowl. _He knows that I would never stoop to such measures as to outright kill him, and as for coming to the defense of others, he thinks he could best me easily._ Then he sighed despondently. _Yes, that is exactly why he didn't put that in the contract._

But Dumbledore needed to do something. He just didn't know what.

 _Something that would distract Tom._ He thought, as he suddenly sat up straight in his chair. _Something that would divert his attention away from Harry._

The Headmaster knew Tom was an arrogant, selfish person who coveted unique, rare, and valuable objects, and as his eyes landed on the glass case that held the founder's prized artifacts, a plan suddenly began to form in his mind.

 _Helga Huffduff's cup, Rowena Ravenflaw's diadem, Godric Gryffindork's sword, and Salazar Slytherin's locket._ He thought with a smile. _Tom is the Heir of Slytherin, so the locket alone would certainly grab his attention, and with all of the others thrown in, he would not be able to resist._

But was that enough?

 _No._ He thought. _I need more. I need gold, lots and lots of it really, but where do I get it from on such a short notice?_

Albus began to pace the floor in front of his desk, but then a solution hit him.

 _Nicholas!_ He thought happily. _The Philosopher's Stone can change any metal into pure gold!_

But a sudden disturbing thought caused him to pause.

 _These artifacts are here on display for all to see. Tom will know it's a ruse._

He stopped his pacing for a moment, and stared intently at them.

 _Ah ha!_ He thought triumphantly. _I can use the Gemino Charm to make copies!_

It was then that the plan began to fully come together, and the Headmaster couldn't help but smile. It was a perfect plan. He could announce that a large treasure hoard had been found deep under the castle in the underground chambers, and that it contained the founder's artifacts.

 _I could say that the artifacts on display might be fake copies, and that the real ones are possibly those that were found along with the treasure hoard. I can say that the goblins will be coming to inspect it all, but are unable to do so right away, so in order to keep it safe, several staff members have been tasked with guarding it!_ He thought as he grinned happily to himself. _It's perfect!_

"Fawkes!" He suddenly shouted, causing the phoenix to let out a loud, startled cry. "Oh my friend, I am deeply sorry for startling you. Please forgive me." He said, as he walked over to his perch and began to softly pat the bird's head. "But I have thought up what I hope to be a very ingenious plan. Would you be willing to deliver a letter to my friend Nicholas Flamel?"

Fawkes thrilled happily, and Dumbledore smiled.

* * *

"I think Herbology and Charms are going to be my favorite subjects so far." Neville said with a grin as he, Harry, Hermione, and Ron sat down for lunch.

"Well I think History of Magic will be fascinating!" Hermione said with a bright gleam in her eyes. "I mean, who knew that Frankenstein's monster was real, much less a History Professor here at Hogwarts!"

Harry internally groaned and rubbed his forehead. He didn't know if it was himself or Tom who thought up that brilliant idea, but it was disturbing to say the least. 'Professor Frankenstein', as the thing was called, was quite gruesome to see, which is probably why Harry hadn't seen him before now. It would be impossible to try and eat with that thing in the great hall.

However, this change was actually necessary, because ghosts couldn't exist in both realities at the same time. Sure, the ghosts _were_ here, but they were simply copies of the real ones and couldn't talk or interact with the living at all in this reality. Ghosts were a strange enigma though, because they were souls who refused to move on to the next great adventure. The original Death created a way for them to reside with the living as a mere shadow of the life they once lived. Most souls who chose to become ghosts were new souls who were afraid of what lay beyond the door in the sorting room, and absolutely refused to go through it. Hence the reason why so few choose to become ghosts after they died.

"Did you hear me Harry?" Hermione asked, shaking Harry from his thoughts.

"No Rowena, I didn't." He said, as he gave her a grin. "What did you say?"

"I said, what do you think about Professor Frankenstein?" She asked.

"Oh, well I think he could really use a bath." He said with a wrinkled nose, and causing Ron to snort. "He sort of smells."

"I agree Harry, but having all those dead body parts attached together like that would make it really hard to take a proper bath." Ron said, as he began to eat. "People say he was created by a muggle who tried to create an inferius, and it was only because of lots of stasis charms that he didn't fall apart and rot away before now."

"They also say that he is the only true immortal being, and that he has no soul." Neville added.

 _Well, they have that part right._ Harry thought. _He has no soul._

"But if he doesn't have a soul, how can he walk, talk, and speak, much less teach?" Hermione asked.

"Whiskey." Harry said simply, causing them all to look at him in confusion.

"They say whiskey is a spirit!" Ron said, as he laughed loudly.

Neville burst out laughing, Harry grinned, but Hermione gave them all a disapproving frown.

"That's not funny. Professor Frankenstein is really nice."

"Thank goodness for that, or else he really would be terrifying." Neville snorted.

"I didn't think Gryffindorks could get scared Longbottom." Draco said with a sneer, as he sat down a few seats away from them.

"Oh trod off Malfoy." Ron said, as he glared at the blond headed git. "You're just mad because you didn't get into Slytherin. Besides, it's not like anyone really wants you in Gryffindork anyway."

"Shut up Weasley!" Draco shouted.

Ron made like he was going to jump out of his seat, but Harry and Neville held him in place.

"Don't give him what he wants Ron." Harry said. "Just let it go. If he knows he can make you angry, he will never stop."

"Harry's right Ron." Hermione said with a nod. "Just ignore him, and if he doesn't stop, tell a Professor."

Ron continued to glare at Draco, who was sneering at all of them, but he finally sat back down.

"Yeah, you're both right. He's not worth it." He said with a scowl.

"Just eat Ron." Harry said, shoving a plate of chips towards him. "You'll feel better."

Neville and Hermione laughed, but Ron grinned and grabbed a few of the chips, which caused Harry to chuckle. He was happy that everyone seemed to be getting along. After all, he had been worried about that, seeing as there was no Quirrell, and therefore, no troll to attack Hermione and cause the 'bonding experience' that saw the three of them become best friends. He was also happy that Neville seemed to becoming their best friend too, and Harry was hoping that the 'Golden Trio' would become the 'Golden Quartet'.

That was one change from real reality that he could accept with open arms, instead of face palms, and the fact that Neville was the other candidate for the prophecy just made it even better.

"So what do we have next?" Neville asked, causing Harry to look up a bit startled.

"Defense against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration." Hermione immediately replied.

"Merlin Hermione, do you have the schedule memorized already?" Ron asked with a mouth full of food.

She blushed, but nodded. "I took time at the end of History to memorize it."

Ron stared at her, but shrugged it off and went back to eating, which caused Harry to quietly chuckle.

"Well, I'm personally looking forward to Defense. I mean, Professor Riddle seems pretty neat." He said, causing Draco to chuckle a bit, but everyone chose to ignore him. "I mean, he even laughed at my new nickname for Voldemort." He added, but didn't miss the flinch displayed by Ron and Neville, who instantly paled at the name.

"Don't you know that you're not supposed to say his name?!" Neville cried.

"I get that everyone calls him You-Know-Who, but I like to call him Mortevold. It seems less scary." Harry said.

"You're a braver man than me Harry." Ron said as he shook his head. "And barmy. Did I mention that?"

"At least three times now." He replied with a grin.

"I think Harry has the right to call You-Know-Who whatever he wants." Hermione said, as she pulled her Transfiguration textbook out of her bag. "He did defeat him after all."

"I suppose that's true." Neville agreed. "But you won't catch me calling him that."

"Why not?" Harry challenged. "He ruined everyone's lives, and everyone has the right to call him whatever they want. I mean, if you want to show that your scared of him, then by all means, call him You-Know-Who, but if you want to show that you aren't afraid of him, then call him Mortevold. Yeah, that'll probably make him mad, but you will know that you aren't scared of him."

"Not me, I'll pass." Ron said as he shook his head again.

"I'll get you all saying Mortevold eventually." Harry laughed.

"I don't doubt that you will Potter." Tom said coming up behind him.

Harry turned around and grinned at him, but Tom chuckled.

"I couldn't help but overhear your conversation from the head table, so I decided to throw my two Knuts in. I have to say that I actually agree with Potter though. A wise man once said 'Fear of a name, only increases fear of the thing itself'." Tom said, as he looked at Ron, Hermione, and Neville individually. "So calling You-Know-Who 'Mortevold' shows that, not only are you not afraid of saying 'Voldemort', but you are willing to show just how unimportant you think he really is by giving him an unflattering nickname."

"Yeah, but that'll make him mad though." Neville said.

"What's going on here?" A very nervous Dumbledore suddenly asked, appearing from nowhere.

"Nothing Professor." Harry grinned. "We're just talking."

Tom however, ignored Dumbledore completely and looked at Neville and smiled.

"As for your comment Mr. Longbottom, it could possibly make Mortevold mad, if he ever finds out about it." Tom said with a grin. "But, it will also send the message that not everyone is afraid of him, which would mean he has failed to strike terror into your hearts. Once that happens, you will have an advantage over him." He said, causing Dumbledore's eyes to narrow suspiciously. "I remember the first war Mr. Longbottom, and it's true, Mortevold was a terribly powerful, very dangerous, dark wizard who would prefer killing you, so that he didn't have to look at you, but do you want to know a secret?"

"What?" Hermione, Neville, Ron, and Harry asked.

"Fear and legend helped Mortevold use the terror the wizarding world had for him, against them. People would hear the name 'Voldemort' and start running around like chickens with their heads cut off, and that only made them easy pickings for Mortevold. If you're not afraid of him, you will be able to keep your head in a fight against him, should you ever find yourself in that predicament."

"And we might live to fight another day." Harry said with an understanding nod.

"Exactly Potter." Tom said with a wide grin. "So I encourage you to use the name Mortevold. He won't be as scary, and it will allow you to remain level headed if you ever have to face him."

"That actually makes a lot of sense Professor." Hermione said, giving him a smile. "But can I ask, who said the saying that you quoted, because that is very wise too."

Tom grinned at her. "Professor Dumbledore said it." He said, motioning to the Headmaster, who was still standing there listening to everything with suspicious, narrowed eyes.

"What did I say?" He asked curiously.

"That fear of a name, only increases fear of the thing itself." Hermione replied. "I happen to find that very wise and sensible."

Dumbledore raised a curious eyebrow towards Tom, who smirked at him, but then he cleared his throat and looked at Hermione.

"Why thank you young lady. I'm glad you find an old man's ramblings useful." He said with a smile.

"This is my friend Hermione Granger, Professor. Though, I like to call her Rowena." Harry said with a grin, causing Hermione to give Dumbledore a shy smile.

"It's a pleasure to officially meet you Headmaster."

"Likewise Miss Granger." Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye. "Now, go ahead and finish up your lunch so that you won't have rumbling stomachs during your afternoon classes."

"Yes sir." They chorused, but Harry grinned.

"We have Defense next, and I'm looking forward to it Professor Riddle."

Tom smiled at Harry and ruffled his hair playfully, which made Albus instinctively reach towards his wand. "Well Potter, it's my job to teach you defense, and should Mortevold ever return, it's important to have a generation of witches and wizards who are prepared to oppose him."

"I agree." Harry said with a firm nod, then he turned around and began making himself another sandwich.

Tom chuckled and started to walk away, but Dumbledore was hot on his heels.

"I see what you're planning now." He hissed.

"What am I planning?" Tom asked innocently.

"You're arrogant enough to think that you aren't being challenged enough. You want to teach these children defense so that they can provide you with that challenge." Dumbledore replied angrily. "Not to mention, you are only doing this so that you know what Harry has been taught, and so that you can defeat him easily. You want to be able to throw out the fact that you taught Harry everything he knows when the time comes."

"Oh Dumbledore," Tom said, as the two men retook their seats at the head table. "For a brilliant man, you truly don't know anything."

"I'm right about this, and you know it." Came the angry reply.

Tom simply grinned at that, but neither of them said another word to each other as they sat down to finish their lunch.

* * *

The rest of the day went surprisingly smooth. Tom taught Defense much like Minerva taught Transfiguration, and both Professors had the students taking detailed notes until they thought their hands would fall off. However, Tom assured them that they would start the practical application in a week or so, and by Christmas, he hoped to have them well versed in the knockback jinx, the disarming charm, the shield charm, and basic counter charms such as finite incantatem and others like it.

Some in the class tried to argue about how difficult those defensive charms were, since they were only in first year, but Tom gave each of them the 'Voldemort glare', as Harry quickly dubbed it, and they all quieted down. Harry also thought that Tom's reply of 'if I can do it, you can do it', was pretty spot on as well.

He really wasn't surprised that Tom was actually going to teach them defense though. After all, even Harry knew that Tom wasn't a threat to anyone, so these kids really would need a real education in Defense against the Dark Arts. This supposed 'war' was mostly between himself and the former Dark Lord turned friend, and it really came down to whether or not Tom could outsmart Death himself.

Harry knew that Tom wasn't going to start spouting off about blood purity, killing muggles, muggle borns, and so on. Nor was he going to start shooting off killing curses in the middle of the corridors, but it was going to be funny watching Dumbledore and Snape run around trying to prevent that very thing from happening.

Not to mention, trying to keep Harry safe in the process.

However, as that realization fully sank in, Harry became slightly nervous. If Tom truly wasn't a _real_ threat to anyone, what would that mean for the world as a whole? Would the universe itself make up the difference and fill in the blank with a real threat?

Harry knew that this thing between him and Tom was really just a big prank on everyone else, and no one had anything to worry about because there wasn't any danger, but would this alternate universe really do that? Would it really put everyone in that kind of danger by causing another Dark Lord to rise?

It was an unsettling thought, but Harry also knew it was a real possibility so he decided to keep his eye out for any sign of that happening. Because more than likely, it would be up to Harry to once again, save the wizarding world.

It was enough to make him bang his head against the wall in frustration.

* * *

It was later that night when Harry puffed into Tom's living quarters, and what he found the man doing was actually highly amusing.

"What did you do now?" He asked, causing Tom to look up at him from the chair he was sitting in.

"You know that video recording charm that was invented two-hundred years ago?"

"Yeah. Listening charms became useless after humans lost their vocal cords, so someone finally invented video recording charms. It can also allow us to hear what they are saying too, which is brilliant by the way." Harry replied, as Tom rolled his eyes.

"Thank you for the needless history lesson Potter, but yes, I placed one in the Headmaster's office, one in Severus's office, one in Severus's living quarters, and one in the staff room." Tom said with a grin. "Then I just tied them back to these four stones so that I can watch them whenever I want." He added, motioning towards four large flat stones that somewhat resembled flat screen tellys.

There really wasn't anything going on at that moment though, but Harry could see into all the rooms Tom had mentioned and about the only exciting thing happening was watching Fawkes clean his feathers.

"Why on earth would you put one in Snape's living quarters?" Harry asked with a smirk. "Are you trying to figure out if he actually washes his hair?"

Tom glared at him. "No, but if I see him walk around in a towel I will know that he at least takes showers. Besides, I have a feeling that Severus feels the safest in there, so he's liable to let his guard down somewhat."

"Watching Snape curse me and my father for several hours while throwing perfectly good whiskey bottles at the wall doesn't seem like good entertainment." Harry laughed, as he conjured a chair and down next to him.

"Don't you have a sorting to do?" Tom said with a grumpy grumble, as they stared at the four stones.

"I already did it." Harry replied with a yawn. "The sorting room exists outside time and space, so while it may take several, several hours to complete, barely a minute or two passes in this reality and real reality."

"What is going on back in real reality? I've been meaning to ask you that."

"Pretty much what I said before. The muggles declared a state of emergency for the whole world, and claimed it to be a zombie apocalypse, but since the 'zombies' aren't trying to eat everyone's brains, they have somewhat back down on that. However, scared muggles are killing off the bodies anyway just to be sure."

Tom chuckled and shook his head, but then he looked at Harry, who was slumped down in his seat. "You look tired."

"I am. A volcano exploded in Alaska and took out several surrounding towns with it. It wasn't pretty, so the sorting was longer than normal." Harry said with a shrug. "Truthfully though, I'm tired because of all the excitement. I'm not really used to moving around this much so I'm terribly out of shape. Walking up and down the stairs all day is a chore, but it will get better. Not to mention, I'm worried."

"About?"

Harry sighed heavily and began telling Tom his theory about the lack of a 'Dark Lord Threat', and what he felt the universe might do to make up for it. Tom just stared at him with wide eyes, but then he also sighed heavily and shook his head.

"Do you really think the universe would put everyone in that kind of danger?" He asked nervously. "I mean, we both know what really is going on here. I'm not about to start killing off muggles, muggles borns, and all the rest. I can't even kill you, and we both know it."

"The universe could, because there always has to be some kind of a threat." Harry replied as he rubbed his forehead. "Besides, I might be the Master of Death, but I'm still Harry Freaking Potter and I have the worst luck with things like this. I truly don't care about the 'people dying' part because death doesn't bother me, but I'd like to avoid another 'Voldemort scenario', if you get my meaning."

Ton nodded. "Yeah I know what you mean." He said angrily, then he got up and started pacing. "I was hoping to just skate through this life by playing an epic prank on mostly Snape and Dumbledore, but if we have to fight a real threat I'm going to be pissed. Is there anything you can do to stop it?"

Harry shook his head sadly. "No, there isn't. I cannot see into the future, so I don't know who it could potentially be, and I don't control people's lives when they are alive. I might be the Master of Death, but I'm not a master puppeteer. As you know, when a witch or wizard dies, their soul comes to me, and we haggle over what their next life is going to be, then they walk through the door in the sorting room. After that, what they do, how they act, how evil or good they actually are, and how successful they are, or aren't, is really out of my control. I don't have any real say after they leave the sorting room."

"Yeah, but Potter, this is _your_ world." Tom said, hoping that might be what changes this around in their favor. "We made this world together. Surely there is something…"

"No." Harry said sadly, as he shook his head. "The decisions people make now are still their own. I control death, so if someone does die I can send them back, just like I did with Snape, but if someone decides to go on a killing spree, I can't stop it."

"I see." Tom said, as a look of understanding passed over his face. "But if the universe decides to create its own Dark Lord threat and he kills a bunch of people, you can reverse the deaths and make him wonder who, or what, is undermining him."

A look of surprise flitted across Harry's face, but then he grinned. "Yes! I can do that! I honestly hadn't thought about it that way."

"Well, if and/or when the time comes, I guess we could play the whole thing by ear and plan our 'revenge', of sorts, accordingly, but until then what do we do?" Tom asked, as he stopped his angry pacing and sat back down.

"Keep on like we have been." Harry grinned. "I enjoy watching Snape and Dumbledore's reactions when I say something off the wall, but I think we should kick it up a notch."

"What do you mean?" Tom asked curiously.

"Well, I saw 'Scabbers' this morning, and an idea hit me. We break Sirius out of Azkaban."

"What's this 'we'?" Tom ask, raising his eyebrow suspiciously.

Harry just chuckled. "You can be the distraction because of all the other Death Eaters, but we get Sirius out, give him back his memories, heal his mind, and have him help us with our epic prank. He would love this!"

"Again, what's this 'we' thing? Why can't you just puff in there, grab him, and puff back out?"

Harry burst out laughing. "What would be the fun in that? That's boring. If you're worried about the dementors, don't be. The original Death created them, so they answer to me just like they did him."

"What?" Tom asked in shocked surprise.

"I'll explain it later, but just think about it, me, you, and Sirius going through this life as super-secret partners in one big epic prank. It's brilliant!" Harry exclaimed.

"I'm still wondering about the whole, 'Death created the dementors' thing." Tom said with concern.

"Oh its fine." Harry said, waving away Tom's concern. "So will you go with me?"

Tom sighed with exasperation before saying, "I suppose having Sirius around would make this better, and yes, I'll go with you."

"Brilliant! I can talk Sirius into…"

But Harry didn't get to finish that train of thought because the room to the staff door was suddenly pushed open with a loud bang. Tom and Harry glanced up at that room's stone and saw all the other Professors and Dumbledore file in looking grave and worried.

"Ah ha! I knew this was going to happen!" Tom exclaimed with a 'cat catching the mouse' type grin. "And I'm hurt because I wasn't invited to this secret confab." He added with a mock pout.

Harry just snorted, but they watched as Dumbledore stood and began addressing the rest of the Professors.

"Thank you all for taking time out of your very busy evening to be here." Albus said, as he gazed at each Professor. "I called this meeting to find out how you are holding up under the circumstances."

"Potter is going to get himself killed…I can't take much more of this…Albus, the students haven't a clue who Riddle really is…"

All of this was said at the same time by Snape, Sprout, and McGonagall, but the Headmaster sighed loudly and looked at Professor Sprout.

"Pomona." He said encouragingly.

"Headmaster, I can't take much more of this." She repeated with a sob. "I just…I can't…I don't know how to react when he's around. I'm so scared he's going to snap at any moment and kill me, or more importantly, a student. I have a lot of new muggle borns this year and those first year Huffleduffs are defenseless against him!" She cried. "I'm wound up so tightly that I have a constant headache and I worry _all the time_!" She stressed.

Poppy and Minerva were on their feet instantly. Poppy gave her a calming draught, while Minerva did her best to comfort the distressed witch.

Tom and Harry glanced at each other and shared a guilty grimace, but before either of them could really think on it, Snape opened his mouth.

"Potter is an arrogant, idiotic, stupid child!" He shouted, as Minerva rolled her eyes at him. "He is going to get himself killed. One does not go around giving the Dark Lord nicknames, and they certainly don't threaten to turn him into tea cups!"

"Yes, I agree." Dumbledore said with a tired sigh. "And Tom has suddenly decided to encourage that behavior. He has told Harry and his friends that calling him 'Mortevold' is a good thing. I must admit, it's shocking and I haven't a clue as to why he would do such a thing."

"So You-Know-Who can turn around and kill him." Minerva spat.

"Minerva, I admire your Gryffindork bravery." Dumbledore said gravely. "I really do, but you need to stop doing that in front of Tom. He will not hesitate to kill you."

"I'm not afraid of him." She said with a scowl. "Let him kill me, but he will realize that I won't go down without a fight."

"She's got spunk." Tom said with an amused grin. "Don't worry little kitty cat, I won't hurt you." He purred, causing Harry to chuckle loudly.

Dumbledore however, just sighed and shook his head. "I will be encouraging Harry and his friends to not give Voldemort nicknames, and I want you all to take points away every time you hear them say 'Mortevold'."

"I agree." Professor Flitwick said with a nod. "They won't like it, but it will teach them not to say it."

"And it will keep them safe." Professor Vector added, causing Albus to nod.

"Aw! Professor Riddle, you just became the coolest Professor ever!" Harry cried, causing Tom to snort loudly. "None of the other Professors will let me call you Mortevold!"

"What is You-Know-Who doing here Albus?" Flitwick was asking. "Why did he come here?"

"I don't know." Albus said. "Until such a time as Tom makes his true motives known, I can only guess. I do however, think he is here to find out all that he can about Harry. I have told you all of the prophecy, but there is a reason why I won't tell you what it says."

"You think he's here because of Mr. Potter?" Poppy gasped.

"Oh I have no doubts." Albus said seriously. "I think Tom killed Professor Quirrell just to be able to take over the Defense position."

"Well, he is not wrong about that." Tom said smugly.

"Albus, do you think he will actually teach the students anything?" Minerva asked with concern.

"I don't know. I wasn't able to sit in on his classes this morning due to Ministry business, and other things which I will address shortly, but I want all four Heads of House to begin asking your houses about their Defense class, because I won't be able to sit in on all of Tom's classes."

"Understandable, and wise." Flitwick said with a nod. "I say we give it a week though. That way we don't look suspicious."

"Indeed." Snape said with a nod.

The room was silent for a moment, but then Minerva turned to Snape.

"Severus, how are you holding up? I know this can't be easy for you."

Snape just glared at her, but then he nodded curtly. "I'm fine."

Harry burst out laughing. "Stop lying. You're far from fine."

"That's right Severus." Tom added with a smirk. "You're going to have a nervous breakdown before long."

"I will look after you Severus." Dumbledore said, as he patted the scowling man on the shoulder. "I won't let him…"

"Won't let him what?" Snape snapped. "Kill me? You won't be able to stop him. He doesn't even have to be anywhere near me to kill me. All he has to do is torture me through the mark." He said, pulling up his left sleeve to reveal the black ink of the Dark Mark. "He doesn't need anything else."

Everyone around the table stared at it as if the thing were going to suddenly bite someone, but Albus sighed and shook his head.

"If there is anything I can do…"

"There isn't." Snape growled. "I know I will be dead before long."

"Severus don't say that!" Minerva cried.

"Well what else is there?!" He shouted. "Potter is destined to get himself, and me, killed by aggravating the situation. He's arrogant, petulant, spoiled…"

"He is just a boy!" Minerva shouted hotly.

"And somehow his woes are my fault. Don't worry Professor McGonagall, I'm used to it." Harry added with a laugh.

"Well, technically they are. At least this time." Tom said with a smirk, which made Harry burst out laughing.

"Enough!" Dumbledore shouted, causing the arguing to cease immediately. "There is nothing that can be done about any of this, and arguing about things only makes us weak."

"Is there any way you can get rid of You-Know-Who?" Sprout asked hopefully.

"No Pomona, there isn't." He replied with a tired sigh. "I have gone over his teaching contract and he has tied my hands. However, there is something that we can do to distract Tom and keep his attention focused not on Harry and the other students, but on something else." He said with a twinkle in his eye.

He began explaining about the idea he had that morning, but all Harry could do was sigh loudly and roll his eyes once Dumbledore finished explaining his plan.

"It's the Philosopher's Stone all over again." He said, as he glared at Dumbledore, who was answering questions about his idea. "I should have expected this, but I was hoping to avoid it."

"Does he really think a treasure hoard is going to keep my attention away from killing you?" Tom asked with amusement.

"I guess so." Harry said with a chuckle. "So how about it? Do you want to try for it?"

"I can use the money." Tom said with an interested nod. "I mean, it is real gold so we can exchange it for galleons."

"For a fee of course." Harry laughed.

"Of course." Tom agreed with a smirk.

"Well, if he is going to get the other Professors to guard it like he did the stone, I hope they come up with better 'protections' than they did last time. I hate chess, and I really don't fancy having to tangle with McGonagall's giant chess set again." Harry said, as he glared at the assembled Professors, who were now getting up to leave the staff room.

"I hope for your sake they do. It was a pitiful try on your part the first time."

"Hey! I was eleven!" Harry protested as he swatted at Tom, who ducked out the way.

"Your friends did better than you." Tom said with a smirk.

Harry gave him a mock glare. "Again, I was eleven."

"So were your friends." Tom repeated, causing Harry to roll his eyes.

"Well, I might get them involved again, so no using dark spells." He said, waggling his finger at Tom, who simply laughed.

"I'll make a deal with you Potter. We both go after the treasure hoard, but we split it 70/30. Whoever gets to it first gets the bigger half. However, I won't use dark magic to get it, and you can't just 'puff' down there to steal it."

Harry thought about for a minute, but then he looked at Tom with a raised eyebrow. "I'll use Hermione, Ron, and Neville to get it, and only do minimal work so that I don't 'accidently' cheat." Harry said with a grin, which caused Tom to glare at him suspiciously.

"All right. Deal." Tom said, as he stuck out his hand.

Harry shook it, but then he grinned and puffed out of the room, leaving Tom behind to wonder if that was a smart deal to make.


	5. Snape's Mistake

***A/N* I just want to let you all know that this chapter is kind of heavy on dialogue, but I am still trying to build the story and the characters so I apologize for that. I also want to apologize to all my readers who are big fans of Snape. Snape, in this story, is not the innocent angel most fanfics paint him to be. I am trying to use common sense mixed with canon for his character, and this chapter will explain that.**

 **With that said, please keep in mind that this is a crackfic, so things are going to be majorly...off. To the guest reviewer who educated me on the science of evolution as it relates to vocal cords, please know that this story isn't supposed to be taken seriously. The whole 'losing vocal cords' thing is simply nothing more than a cracky plot device.**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

 **Snape's Mistake**

The first week of school was an absolute blast for Harry. He hadn't laughed this much since the last time he sent Draco back as a kumquat, and the fact that he kept calling the sneering, snarky boy the citrusy fruit made it even better.

Classes were the same old, same old, with the exception of Frankenstein's monster being the History Professor. Harry still hadn't figured out if it was him or Tom who was responsible for that mess, but at this point it really didn't matter. However, he really was trying to get Ron to pay better attention in class so that Hermione's badgering wouldn't make the red head angry. It was tough work, but the fact that Harry himself was willing to study, read, and get good marks seemed to help Ron try harder.

That seemed to keep Hermione at bay…somewhat.

Neville was doing really well too, so that was a major plus. Harry asked about his wand because he wasn't sure if the lad was using his father's old wand, but Harry beamed at him when Neville said it was a brand new wand from Ollivander's. The new wand helped Neville further his confidence, since he didn't have to try as hard to get his spells right. This was proven to be true when Professor Flitwick was teaching them the levitation charm because Neville was one of the first to do it right.

Of course, Harry and Hermione were the other two who were able to make their feathers float, but when Ron saw all three of his friends doing it, he pushed himself hard and was finally able to make his feather float just before the end of class. Flitwick said it was a record for four first years to complete the spell in their first class, and when he said that not even Percy had accomplished that, Ron puffed his chest out proudly and smiled all the way to dinner that night.

It just made Harry grin, but he also vowed to get Ron a new wand somehow, since it was Charlie's old wand that he was using. Harry just didn't know how to go about doing it yet.

Tom seemed to be having a good week as well, though, Harry really wasn't sure what all he was up to. On the third day of school, Tom suddenly stopped eating at the Head Table and decided to mingle with the students. At first he sat at the Slytherin table, which seemed to set Dumbledore on edge, but the next day he sat at the Ravenclaw table, which confused everyone. Then he sat at the Hufflepuff table, which made Professor Sprout have a panic attack and caused her to have to be escorted to the hospital wing.

However, on Friday morning Harry and company were enjoying their breakfast when Tom plopped down in the seat right next to Neville, who was sitting opposite of Harry.

"Oi!" Angelina cried with a grin, from further down the table. "We don't want any stinking Slytherin Alumni sitting over here!"

"One point to Gryffindork for having the courage to basically tell me to take a hike Miss Johnson!" Tom said loudly, causing the third year girl to laugh. "I would give more points, but I'm liable to get into trouble with the Headmaster for doing it." He added with a grin.

This caused that section of the table to burst out laughing, but everyone went back to their breakfast. Tom turned to face Harry and his friends, and found Harry smirking and Neville, Ron, and Hermione looking at him in confusion.

"I've been talking to the upper years in all the houses trying to get a feel of what they expect, and would like to learn in Defense." He explained, as he began filling his plate. "I figured that talking to them in a relaxed setting, instead of a formal classroom, would be best, seeing as it wouldn't take up class time."

"Well that makes sense." Harry said with a nod. "But we are first years, so what would we know about the class, or about anything that would help us decide on what to expect and learn?"

"I understand that Potter." Tom said with a nod. "But that's not why I have chosen to sit with you all today."

"Then why Professor?" Hermione asked curiously.

Tom sighed heavily and looked at each of them with concern. This caused Harry to raise a suspicious eyebrow at him, but Harry decided to keep quiet and see where Tom was going with this.

"Well, I know what I am about to say and do is extremely unprofessional, but I feel the need to warn you. Today you all have your first potions class, and I must tell you something about Professor Snape, he doesn't like any of you, especially you Potter." He said looking at Harry with feigned concern. "It's no secret that he doesn't like Gryffindorks to begin with, but something about you, Potter, just seems to set him off in a way that no other student does. He has done nothing but talk bad about you in staff meetings and other places, and he calls you vile names that are, quite frankly, unfitting to repeat. Just be careful in his class. If he takes points for stupid reasons, which he has been known to do, tell me so I can reverse them, and if he gives you detention for anything, tell me that too, and I'll see about you serving that detention with me instead."

"With you?" Harry asked innocently.

"Yes Potter, I don't trust Professor Snape." Tom said, as he continued to put on an air of feigned concern. "Just watch yourselves, and try and stay out of trouble."

"But why would a Professor do such a thing?" Hermione asked as she furrowed her brow in confusion. "I don't understand it. It's very unprofessional for a Professor act that way towards students, and surely the Headmaster would put a stop to it."

"He doesn't though." Ron said. "I have five older brothers that have come to Hogwarts, and all of them have said things about Snape. He doesn't like Gryffindorks, and he will punish Gryffindorks even if they haven't done anything. They say he also sides with Slytherins, even if they were the ones doing wrong. Charlie and Bill, my two oldest brothers, even warned me about him."

"It's true, at least from what I've seen so far." Tom said with a nod. "I was a Slytherin too, but I always believed in fairness, much like a Hufflepuff does."

"Huffleduff." Harry corrected, causing Tom to roll his eyes.

"Huffleduff, sorry." He said. "Not all Slytherins are evil, even though many think that we are."

"Well it's silly to paint a whole house with the same brush." Hermione said. "It's like a muggle saying that all witches and wizards are murders because of what You-Know-Who did."

"You mean Mortevold." Harry said as he took a bite of toast.

Hermione sighed and frowned at him. "Harry you lost five points from Professor Flitwick this morning for saying that on the way here. He said not to call You-Know-Who that name."

"Fine then. I'll just start calling He-Who-Shall-Remain-Unimportant different names." He said, causing Ron to snort, and Hermione to huff with disapproval.

Tom just chuckled, but it was Neville that steered the conversation back to the original topic.

"But what would cause Professor Snape to act that way?" Neville asked. "I just don't understand it."

Tom sighed heavily. "Listen to me carefully." He whispered, as he leaned closer to them. "Snape was proven to be a Death Eater in the war." He said, causing them all to gasp.

"But why…?" Hermione started to ask, only to be cut off by Tom.

"They say he turned from that path at the very end of the war, and Dumbledore himself vouched on Snape's behalf to keep him out of Azkaban." He explained further.

"Well then he changed, didn't he?" Hermione asked as she tilted her head to the side.

"Not necessarily. Snape could be a spy that Mortevold sent to try and find out what the Light Side's plans were." Tom said, as he shook his head. "Just pay attention to how he acts towards you all, especially you Potter. Then make up your own mind."

"He would…he would hate me because I stopped his true Master. I stopped He-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless." Harry gasped, as if it had just dawned on him.

Tom stared at him for a moment because of the new nickname, but then let out a tiny snort before nodding. "Yes, that would be my guess Potter."

Their little group was silent for a few moments, but then, as if one, they all turned to look at Snape. The fact that Snape was also looking towards their group didn't help, especially when he scowled furiously when he noticed that they were looking back at him.

It caused Ron, Hermione, and Neville to gasp loudly and turn back to their plates quickly.

Harry, however, bit his lip to keep from laughing. _Trust Snape to prove everything 'true' with one scowl._ He thought, but then he sighed and looked at Tom. "Ok Professor Riddle. We will be careful, but I want to get the truth at the first opportunity, so that I know whether I can trust him or not."

"Understandable." Tom replied gravely.

"We should still reserve judgement though." Hermione said. "I mean, he is a Professor."

"True, but just keep in mind what I said Miss Granger." Tom said, as he patted her on the arm. "And you be careful as well."

"Yeah." Harry said with a nod. "Because What's-His-Name and his merry band of black cladded hooligans didn't play nice with muggle borns, and if Snape is a Death Eater spy, he won't like you either."

"Merry band of black cladded hooligans?" Tom said with a loud laugh, causing Dumbledore, who had been keeping a sharp eye on them the whole time, to frown at them. "I like that one Potter."

Harry just grinned at him, but then he gasped loudly. "I better change my hair back to black then." He said, as he did just that. "I wouldn't want to anger Professor Snape by trying to look like my Mum, who was a muggle born."

Tom clamped his jaws together to keep from laughing, but he glanced at Harry and caught a fleeting smirk before he nodded.

"A wise decision Potter." He said, then he got up from his seat, and walked towards Angelina and her friends.

Harry and Tom knew what the other was playing at, but both were willing to play off of each other, and then they would sit back and watch the explosion.

* * *

It was shortly after that when the four Gryffindor first years headed up to the tower to get their books and other things that they would need for their morning classes. Once they arrived, Harry volunteered to go get the other two boy's things, while Hermione scampered up to the girl's dorm, but Ron stopped him.

"Its ok Harry, I'll go get them. Besides, I need to give Scabbers his breakfast anyway." He said, pulling out a few leftover pieces of sausage and toast that was wrapped up in a napkin.

Harry was about to nod and let the boy do it, but a sudden idea sprang up in his mind. For the last few days he had been trying to find a way to get Peter alone so that he could talk to him, but so far he'd been unsuccessful in his attempts.

This provided the perfect opportunity.

"No Ron its ok, I'll do it. I don't mind giving Scabbers his breakfast. Besides I was in a rush this morning due to sleeping in a bit, so my bag isn't packed yet and it might take me a minute or two find my stuff."

Ron simply shrugged, but handed the leftovers to Harry, then he and Neville shuffled over to the corner, where Fred and George were trying to get their attention. It looked like they were planning something, and given those two, it could be anything.

Harry just shook his head before heading up to the room, but on the way up he ran into Draco, who was making his way back down. The blond blocked the staircase, and smirked at Harry as he gave him an annoyed look.

"So Potter, you think that the new Defense Professor is brilliant, don't you?" He asked with a superior smirk.

"Yes Draco, I do. He seems like a decent bloke. He's not all that strict, and he seems like he's more laid back than the other Professors. Why?"

Draco simply scoffed, but then he grinned wickedly at Harry. "I'd enjoy myself if I were you Potter, especially while you can. You might be dead before the year is over."

"Oh, are you going to get dear old Death Eater Daddy to kill me Draco?" Harry asked with a laugh. "Because I do believe that he's too stupid to really be a threat to me."

"Don't you talk about my father Potter." Draco hissed threateningly, but then he smirked again. "I'd just watch my back if I were you."

"Yeah, yeah Malfoy. Whatever." Harry said, as he roughly shoved the boy to the side and headed up the stairs.

Draco glared at him, but seeing as Percy was coming down the stairs from one of the upper levels, Draco didn't get a chance to say, or do, anything to him. Once Harry entered the dorm though, he carefully and silently warded the door so that no one would catch him talking to Peter, then he turned towards Ron's bed, where Peter was, predictably, curled up fast asleep.

Harry just chuckled and smiled a bit as he watched the sleeping rat. He had actually gotten to know Peter quite well over the last two thousand years, and truthfully, he held no ill will towards the man. In real reality, Peter had been a relatively 'new soul' who had only lived two lives at this point in time, but after sorting him a few times, Harry had realized that Peter was actually a pretty decent person. It was just that, in this life, he had been a bloody coward.

"Hey Scabbers, I've got your breakfast." Harry said, as he gently nudged the rat.

Peter cracked open one eye, but sniffed the napkin as Harry unfolded it. Then Harry laid down right beside the rat, and watched Peter as he began to eat.

"Listen, I don't want to alarm you, or scare you, so you need to listen to me very carefully. I know you have heard me and the others talking about Professor Riddle, but I also know you have never seen the man, so I want to let you know that Tom Riddle is really Voldemort."

Peter stopped in mid chew and stared at Harry, before realizing what he was doing. Then he began to eating again, although this time much more slowly.

"I know this sounds crazy coming from me, but I want you to know that everything I'm telling you is true. He and I have come to an understanding. In the last ten years he has changed drastically, and while I talk about the Dursleys as if they were the greatest thing ever, the truth is they hate me and treated me like a house elf. Tom came to me when I was four, took me from them, and raised me as his own son. When it was time for my Hogwarts letter to come in, he actually sent me back to them, and modified their memories so that Dumbledore wouldn't find out. I knew from about the age of six who he was, what he did, and everything else, but I forgave him, just like I have forgiven you for betraying my parents."

Peter's eyes flickered to Harry briefly, but he still continued to slowly eat the sausage, though he kept on eye one Harry the whole time, while trying to look for an escape route, should one be needed.

"While Tom is still the Dark Lord, he's not the raving lunatic that he once was, and he and I have cooked up a brilliant plan, a prank if you will, that is mostly aimed at Dumbledore and old Snivellus, but its for the rest of the world too." Harry said as he grinned at the rat, who was now outright staring at him, but then Harry continued.

"He's not going to kill me, and I'm not going to kill him, but I thought you ought to know that. I don't want to alarm you when I say this next part, so Peter, I need you to listen carefully because I have something I need you to do for me."

At hearing his name, Peter let out a loud squeak, but he sat frozen as he stared at Harry with wide eyes.

"Tom still has control over the Death Eaters, but eventually, he may start losing control of them because of his changed ways. I need you to remain with Ron and the rest of the Weasleys, in order to protect them." He said, as he gazed at the rat with honest, pleading eyes. "Ron is my best friend, and the whole family is precious to me, and your cover, if you will, is simply perfect. If word gets out that Tom has changed, the Death Eaters may want revenge, and I'm afraid that the Weasleys, because of their association with me, will be caught in the crossfire. I need you to protect them." He repeated, as he continued to gaze at the rat. "If you are out and about around the castle, and you hear of anything from the Slytherins that even _hints_ about this sort of thing happening, I need you to find either me or Tom, and let one of us know so that Tom can act accordingly and stop any dissention."

Peter continued to sit there in a frozen state of shock, but Harry sighed and reached into his pocket to pull out a wand. Peter eyed it warily and backed up a bit, but then he suddenly looked at it in confusion.

"You recognize it, don't you?" Harry asked as he laid the wand down on the bed. "It's yours. Don't ask me where Tom got it from, because I don't know, but you need it if you are going to protect the Weasleys. Stay with them, please, I beg you. Watch over them Peter." He said, but then he sighed.

"There is one more thing I need you to do though. Fred and George have the map. You know what map I speak of, but I need you to sneak into their dorm and get it back, without hurting them. It would not be good for them to discover that 'Scabbers' is really not a rat, if you get what I mean." He said, as he gave Peter a knowing look. "When you have it, just put it in my trunk so that I can get into my own mischief." He said with a grin, as he stood up. "I plan to, somehow, sneak into old Snivellus's rooms and prank him until he cries." Harry added with a feral grin, but then he looked at Peter squarely in the eye.

"If you need it, I will have Tom send you confirmation that everything I have said is true, and I'll get him to send you this confirmation through your Dark Mark. He will probably just use Snape's, so if you feel a sudden, brief, sharp pain in your left forearm, you'll know it's him. I know you are scared Peter, but I want to tell you that you have nothing to fear. Please trust me." He said, as he continued to gaze down at the trembling rat, but then he grabbed his bag, along with Ron's and Neville's, and slung them over his shoulder.

"One more thing before I go though. Tom and I are planning to break Padfoot out of Azkaban. When you hear of this, don't panic. I will do something to Padfoot that will make him think he was the secret keeper, and that you are dead, so don't be surprised if you hear talk of it. You are safe Peter, please remember that. Tom and I will look after you." Harry said, just as he opened the door and walked out.

He left behind a thoroughly confused and trembling Peter Pettigrew, but there was one thing that the rat did know. If Harry knew who he was, then so did the Dark Lord, and if Peter knew what was good for him, he'd stay put and do what Harry told him to do, least he suffer his Master's wrath.

It didn't matter to Peter that Harry said Tom had changed, because he didn't believe that for a second. He figured that was just something the Dark Lord told Harry so that he could gain the boy's trust, even though a small part of him did hope that what Harry said really was true.

But he was not willing to take that chance by running away and possibly suffering for it later. No, he'd stay put and do _exactly_ what Harry told him to do.

Harry, for his part, just grinned to himself as he headed for the common room. It was true that he wanted Peter to look after the Weasleys, and the reasons he gave the rat were not unfounded, especially given this possible 'Dark Lord' threat that the universe might throw at them. He knew he was using Peter's fear of Tom to make Peter do what he wanted him to do, but he also knew that Tom would back him up on it and send the confirmation.

Simply because Harry knew Tom wouldn't care about it one way or the other.

Besides, once the news of Sirius's escape broke, Harry didn't want Peter to run. He needed the rat for various reasons, though he was choosing to keep those reasons a secret…for now.

"Merlin, Harry! Finally!" Ron exclaimed, as he took his bag from Harry's outstretched hand.

"Sorry guys. It took me a while to find my potions book." Harry lied, as he handed Neville his bag.

"Well we need to get going." Hermione said. "We are going to be late, and given what Professor Riddle said about Professor Snape, I don't want to make him angry at us."

"Oh, I already plan to see if Professor Riddle was telling the truth." Harry replied.

"Harry, what are you going to do?" Hermione demanded.

Harry only grinned at her. "You'll just have to wait and see."

"Oh Merlin help us." Neville said with a sigh, and then they all made a mad dash towards the portrait hole.

* * *

They made it with only a minute to spare, and given Draco's disappointed look when they arrived, they knew that Snape hadn't realized that they were almost late. In fact, Snape wasn't even in the classroom when they entered, so they quickly found seats. Ron and Harry partnered up, while Hermione and Neville became partners. Harry just hoped that Hermione could keep Neville on task, so that he didn't blow up his cauldron this time.

That is, if they didn't get thrown out of class first.

Draco was, unsurprisingly, sitting with the Slytherins, though he looked a little odd sitting there without his bookends, since Crabbe and Goyle were now in Hufflepuff. Harry just grinned. Yes, it was true, Harry knew about this particular change beforehand, and when Draco eventually learned the truth, he was going to kill Harry.

In real reality though, Harry had always thought that the Malfoys were buffoons, dangerous buffoons, but buffoons nonetheless. He thought it was very _brave_ of Malfoy Sr. to claim to be under the imperius when the man knew fully well that Voldemort was not dead and gone. After all, the Dark Mark had only faded, not gone away completely.

Claiming to be under the imperius was not a very Slytherin thing to do, at least in Harry's opinion.

Furthermore, Lucius had his arse handed to him, by six teenagers with barely five years of magical knowledge, in the Department of Mysteries, and had fallen out of favor with Voldemort by the end of the war.

Again, not very Slytherin of him.

Harry didn't even want to think about the diary though. After all, who in their right mind would give away, a _possession_ of the _ Dark Lord's _to a mere eleven year old girl?

Simple answer. Only a brave idiot.

As for Draco, well, Harry thought the boy was also an idiot, plain and simple. Draco was too much of a braggart to be taken seriously, and all he did was ride his Daddy's coat tails. As far as Harry was concerned, Draco had zero self-preservation skills, common sense, and acted rashly and without much thought put into his 'cunning plans'.

It sounded like Gryffindor traits to Harry, so he had changed Draco's sorting. Besides, it would be _much_ easier to give the boy hell if he was in the same dorm room as Harry himself.

However, Harry was shaken out of these thoughts when the door to the classroom suddenly opened with a loud bang. Half the class jumped in their seats, while the other half let out terrified squeaks. Snape's eyes roamed around the classroom, but then he smirked at all of them in a superior fashion.

Harry rolled his eyes in annoyance as Snape launched into his old familiar speech about 'foolish wand waving' and 'silly incantations', but unfortunately, Snape saw him do it.

"So Potter, you think my warnings are beneath you?" He snarled, as he swooped over to him and Ron.

"No sir, I was just thinking about something Malfoy said to me this morning. My eye roll wasn't directed at you." Harry replied smoothly, knowing what Snape was going to say next.

"So you admit that this class is beneath you?" Snape sneered. "After all, you just admitted that you don't want to pay attention."

"No sir, that's not true. I heard all that you said, but when you mentioned putting a 'stopper in death', it just brought to mind something that Malfoy said to me. He told me I'd be dead before the end of the year. Is there really a potion that can stop death? If so, you have my full attention sir." Harry replied, as he stared up at Snape with an innocent expression.

"Five points from Gryffindork for your cheek Potter, and as for your question, no, a potion cannot stop death, only delay it." He growled as he stared down at Harry. "Now let's see if your fame has gone to your head Potter. Let's see if you even thought about opening your book before you stepped into this classroom." He said with a sneer, but Harry barely managed to refrain from rolling his eyes again.

To his surprise though, the questions were different than the last time.

"Tell me Potter, what is Dittany used for?" Snape asked, as he stared at the boy impatiently.

Harry knew very well what it was used for, but choose to keep that to himself.

"I'm not sure sir." He said quietly.

"Well, let's try another. Tell me _Potter_ ," Snape snarled, "what is a Pepper-Up potion?"

"I don't know sir." Harry replied, as he stared at his desk.

"You don't know." Snape said with a scoff. "One more time Potter, which of the following ingredients is found in the Cure for Boils? Snake fangs, mandrake roots, or fairy wings?"

Harry only shook his head as he continued to stare at the desk, but he jumped when Snape slammed his hand down right in front of him.

"A verbal answer Potter!" Snape shouted, causing Harry to look up at him quickly.

"I-I don't know s-sir." He answered meekly.

A vicious gleam entered Snape's eye as he looked down at the boy. "Well, Potter, clearly you are brainless, just like your father was, and it seems to me that your _precious_ fame _has_ gone to your head." He sneered, then he turned his back and stalked to the front of the class.

And that was when Harry took the opportunity to do something he had always wanted to do. He grabbed his potion's textbook, and chucked it right at the back of Snape's head. The whole class gasped loudly, which caused Snape to turn around quickly, but he didn't have time to throw up a shield and the book hit him full force in the face.

Harry just stood there with a furious scowl, and watched as Snape attempted to stop the blood that was pouring out of his broken nose.

"You think I like my fame _Snape_?" Harry snarled, causing the man to glare at him with hatred. "My mother died to protect me, so do you really think I enjoy this? If you do, then there is something wrong with the way your _puny_ little brain is wired." He growled, causing Hermione to gasp loudly. "You don't like me, I get it, though I don't know why, and frankly, I don't give a damn. You are a supposed _adult_ who apparently enjoys belittling children like me in this kind of fashion. I find you _pathetic_." He spat.

Snape's eye's narrowed and his bloody face twisted into a gruesome scowl. "I'm pathetic? How dare you? You are nothing but a small, arrogant, worthless, little worm who doesn't even know the answers to simple potions questions!" He screamed.

It was at this point when Harry smirked. "Dittany is a healing plant used for re-growing skin over large cuts and scrapes, and it also helps reduce scars. Pepper-Up potion is a cure for the common cold, and snake fangs are the ingredient used in the Cure for Boils."

Snape's eyes widened for a brief moment, but then they narrowed dangerously. "You set me up." He growled. "You set me up!"

"Yes, yes I did." Harry said with a proud smirk. "I can't believe that a Slytherin of your caliber actually fell for it."

"Detention Potter, and one-hundred points from Gryffindork!" Snape shouted as he stomped towards him, but Harry's wand was in his hand in an instant.

"Don't come any closer to me." He warned, as he aimed the wand right between the man's eyes. You may think I don't know anything that could hurt you, but you better think again…Snivellus."

Snape stopped dead in his tracks and actually started frothing at the mouth as he glared at Harry, but Harry only smirked again.

"Just so you are aware, I was testing a theory, and it seems that what Professor Riddle told me this morning is actually true. Ron, Hermione, Neville, grab your stuff, and mine too, if you don't mind Ron. We have to go tell Professor Riddle of this immediately."

"I didn't want to believe it Harry. I really didn't. I just don't understand how a Professor can get away with acting like this. If this were the muggle world, this man would have already been thrown out of this school on his bum." Hermione said in a shaky voice, as she quickly grabbed her stuff. "But I agree, Professor Riddle needs to know about this."

"Yes he does." Harry said with a smirk. "And at least my detention will be served with him, rather than with this greasy bat who is still, clearly, a firm supporter of the Death Eaters and He-Who-Was-Defeated-By-A-Toddler. No wonder Snapey-Poo here doesn't like me."

"Well Harry, Professor Riddle did promise that he'd reverse any points and get your detentions switched from Snape to him, so there isn't anything to worry about." Ron said with a smirk, as he handed Harry his bag.

"I personally think it's because Professor Riddle wants to protect you from this supposedly 'reformed' Death Eater." Neville added, as he glared at Snape.

"I have to agree with you Neville." Harry said with a grin, as he slowly backed out of the room with his wand still pointed at Snape's head.

Snape was staring at them with a mixture of pure horror and shock, as the full weight of the situation came crashing down on him, but once his friends were safely out of the room, Harry simply smiled at Snape.

"You, Snivellus, have just been out 'Slytherined' by a Potter. Have a nice day!" He cried cheerfully. Then he ran as fast as he could, while laughing obnoxiously.

* * *

The four first years ran all the way up the dungeon stairs, into the entrance hall, and all the way up the moving stair cases. They didn't slow down until they reached the door to the Defense classroom, which opened with a loud bang, and slammed shut with just as much force. Tom jumped a foot in the air at all the unexpected noise, and the whole class, which was made up of fourth year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, turned around just in time to see the four friends collapse onto the floor in exhaustion.

Harry looked at Tom and nearly burst out laughing. Tom had clearly been in the middle of demonstrating a wand movement of some sort, and he was paused right in the middle of it, standing still as a statue, while staring at the intruders with a shock and confused expression. It just made Harry grin and shake his head, while desperately trying to catch his breath.

He really was out of shape.

"Umm…Potter?" Tom asked as he tried to regain his senses, but Hermione suddenly realized that everyone was staring at them and jumped to her feet with a small shriek.

"Professor! We are so sorry, but we had to try and out run Professor Snape because we think he is chasing after us! Harry threw a book at his head, and it hit him in the face and broke his nose!" She cried.

"What!?" Shouted half the class as they stared at Harry with newfound respect, then they began whispering amongst themselves.

"Alright, just calm down Miss Granger." Tom said as he swiftly made his way towards them. "Potter, start at the beginning."

So Harry told him what he did, and by the time he was done telling Tom the very short story, the rest of the class was grinning at the firsties who had managed to gain the upper hand on the hated greasy bat.

Tom however, just smiled at him. "It was a very cunning plan, and if I may say, very Slytherin like Potter." He said, as Harry grinned at him.

"I was just trying to get to the truth sir." Harry said with a proud smirk. "I hope you can forgive me for doubting you, but I figured I should try and get to the truth quickly, rather than trying to drag it out."

"Hmm." Tom muttered, as he stared at the ceiling in thought. "Perhaps that was a bit Gryffindorkish, but it'll have to do." He said, just as the door slammed open again.

It was Snape, and given that the man had yet to clean all the blood off his face, it made him look even more frightening than usual. Everyone screamed at the sight, but Tom wheeled around, and for the second time that day, Snape found himself facing the business end of a wand.

Out of simple habit, Snape brought his wand up too, and both of them stood there facing each other, as Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville crowded behind Tom in the hopes that he could protect them.

Tom just stood there with an unwavering, cold, dangerous expression, as his eyes grew dark with fury. "You dare raise your wand…?" He hissed threateningly, letting his voice trail off purposely.

But his unspoken 'at me', was not lost on Snape, and even though the Potions Master was glaring at the four first years with rage, he immediately lowered his wand.

Tom however, did not.

"I suggest that you stop chasing these terrified children all over the castle, and take your grievances to the Headmaster. From what they have told me, you deserved all that you got." Tom said, as he continued to glare at Snape. "And believe it when I say, I know that they did not lie to me." He added, leading Snape to believe that he had used legilimency on the four first years.

Tom was not done though, but he did suddenly smirk at Snape, which seemed to catch the man off guard. "How dare you belittle a child in such a fashion? How dare you use the boy's dead father against him? Potter is right, you are supposed to be the adult, but you are acting like a simple school yard bully. Your actions against him are simply unfathomable and you should be ashamed of yourself. How many points did he take from you Potter?"

"Umm…one-hundred and five sir." Harry said quietly. "And thank you sir, for standing up for me. I know that what I did was wrong, but…"

"It was understandable Potter…given the circumstances, and I hope you, and your friends, will continue to come to me, if you feel you are being mistreated by _any_ of the staff."

Harry smiled brightly at him. "We will sir! Thank you!"

Tom simply smiled at him. "Very good. One hundred and ten points to Gryffindork for coming to a _responsible_ Professor, and did he give you detention as well?"

"Yes sir." Harry said with a small nod.

"Which you will be spending with me." Tom said, but then he looked at Snape. "Is this acceptable to you, Professor Snape?" He asked, in a tone that left no room for argument.

"Yes My...Professor Riddle." Snape replied, though Tom smirked at the almost slip.

"Good." He said with a nod. "Now, I suggest you leave my classroom at once, or I will make you leave by force. Is this understood?"

"Yes, Professor Riddle." Snape said in a dull, complacent tone, then he quickly bolted out the door.

Harry bit his lip hard to keep from laughing, but then Tom turned towards them and smiled.

"I still have a class to teach, so I want the four of you to head to Gryffindork Tower, and stay there until it is time for your next class."

"But sir," Ron said nervously. "What if Snape is waiting for us out there?"

"Hmm," Tom mumbled, "good point Mr. Weasley. Alright, go to my office and work on the essay I set for your class, but if you are already done with that, feel free to poke around my bookshelves. You are old enough to quietly keep yourselves busy, so use your heads please."

"Yes sir." They chorused.

Hermione's eyes lit up at the prospect of rifling through a Professor's bookshelves, but they all nodded and quietly headed up the stairs and into Tom's office. There was a small table in the corner that had a few chairs around it, but Harry chose to be cheeky and sit in Tom's chair behind his desk. They were all finished with their Defense essay though, so Ron and Neville took out their Transfiguration homework to check over it, seeing as they had Transfiguration next, but Hermione threw Harry a disapproving look before she began scanning the book titles on the shelves.

The reason for Hermione's disapproval was because Harry was leaning back in Tom's chair with his feet propped up on the desk, and he closed his eyes and grinned as he mentally replayed the events of the last hour or so. Tom had come through brilliantly, though Harry really hadn't expected anything less, and he couldn't wait to watch the recording of Snape and Dumbledore's conversation later that night. He briefly thought about putting Hermione, Ron, and Neville to sleep, so that he could slip into Tom's living quarters and watch Snape's rant take place as it was happening, but he dismissed that idea.

Besides, it would be more fun to watch it with Tom later.

It was then when Harry's thoughts turned to Peter, and he suddenly sat up, grabbed a quill and piece of parchment off of Tom's desk, and began writing a letter to Tom explaining what he had told Peter that morning.

When he was done, Harry glanced at his friends, who were engrossed in their own activities, and silently charmed the words to be unreadable, but then he folded it in half, and placed a pulsating charm on it. This charm was invented four hundred years ago, in real reality, and would cause the letter glow with a soft, pulsating light. It would also let Tom know that it was of the utmost importance, seeing as that was what the charm was supposed to be used for.

Then he smirked and wrote a short message on the outside of it.

 _Who was the man that invented the pulsating charm? Speak the name aloud to reveal this letter's contents._

Tom would know the answer to that, seeing as it was himself who did it, but that was beside the point.

Harry finally got up and joined his friends at the small table, then he sat down with a sigh, rubbed his eyes, and looked at Hermione and smiled.

"Rowena, I'm surprised that you haven't yelled at me for what I did."

She gave him a loud, exasperated sigh. "I was going to, but then I thought about it and decided against it." She replied. "I looked at your situation, as if it were me in your shoes, and I realized that how you reacted was natural. I don't like the fact that you set him up, but I do understand why you did it. However," she said, giving him a small glare, "I do not condone you throwing a book at his head."

"That's my Rowena." Harry said with a grin, causing Hermione to roll her eyes at him.

"I personally think he deserved it." Ron said smugly. "I've heard stories about Snape, like I said this morning, but I have never heard of someone standing up to him like that."

"Which 'someone' are you talking about?" Neville asked with a chuckle. "Professor Riddle or Harry?"

"Both." Ron grinned. "I normally don't like Slytherins, because most of them are evil, but he seems pretty decent. He went out of his way to help us this morning, _and_ he caused Snape to almost piss himself."

"Ron!" Hermione screeched. "That's not a nice thing to say."

"But it's true." Neville laughed, causing Hermione to glare at him, but then Neville sighed. "Look Hermione, you're a muggle born, and there is nothing wrong with that, but you have to understand something, the Death Eaters are murders, scumbags, and all around vile people. They killed, raped, and tortured innocent men, women, and children, both muggles, and witches and wizards. After You-Know-Who disappeared, four Death Eaters broke into my house and tortured my parents with the cruciatus curse until they went insane, simply because they were angry about him disappearing." He said, causing her to stare at him in horror. "My parents are stuck in the St. Mungo's long term spell damage ward, and they will never recover. They don't even know who I am." He added quietly, but then he scowled, though it wasn't aimed at Hermione.

"So, I don't feel sorry for Snape one bit." Neville continued. "He's a Death Eater, and while I know he wasn't one of the ones who tortured my parents, he is still a Death Eater."

All four of them were quiet for a few minutes, but Hermione finally nodded.

"I understand completely now." She said quietly, as she looked at Neville with tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry for what happened to your parents, and I guess I can't blame you for how you feel. It's one thing to read about the war in books, because they actually water down what happened, but to hear what happened from friends who were affected by it, it sort of…it sort of…"

"Makes it real." Harry finished quietly.

"Yes." She whispered, with a nod. "It makes it real."

"I know what you mean." Ron said quietly as he glanced at Harry and Neville. "My twin Uncles, Fabian and Gideon Prewett, were killed by Death Eaters. I know that's not the same as you two losing your parents, but…"

"You still lost family Ron." Harry said as he patted the red head's arm. "So it doesn't make it any less painful."

"Harry is right." Neville agreed, just as Tom's office door opened.

Tom glanced at the four somber friends and raised his eyebrow at them.

"Is there something wrong?" He asked, causing Harry to shake his head.

"No sir," he said. "We were just talking about the war, and all the loss everyone has felt because of it."

"I see, is there anything I can do?" He asked, looking at them with true concern.

"No sir." They chorused.

"Very well then." He said softly. "I just wanted to let you all know that I have dismissed my class a few minutes early because I need to speak with you, Potter. Will the rest of you wait in the classroom please?"

Hermione, Ron, and Neville nodded and began gathering their things, but when they walked out, Tom shut the door.

"So, your detention will be Sunday night, and just to be safe, I'll have you doing lines, or something equally meaningless, just in case Dumbledore decides to hide at the back of the classroom. Which reminds me, can you sense when someone is hiding nearby?" Tom asked curiously.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, which comes in really handy. Since I'm Death, I know where everyone is at any given time. For instance, when she died, Mum chose to become a muggle, but wanted to live in Spain. At this very moment she is sitting in science class at school." He said with a grin.

"And your Dad?" Tom chuckled.

Harry cocked his head to the side and stared at the ceiling for a moment, but then he grinned. "Dad is actually a half-blood living right here in the U.K. His name is Derek Mint, and he will be here during my third year, seeing as he was reborn on November 1, 1981."

"He wouldn't have been eleven on September 1, so he won't be here next year." Tom said absentmindedly.

"Right. It'll be fun. I don't really remember Derek Mint from real reality, but I do know he stayed at the castle for Christmas that year. Dumbledore even spoke to him at dinner. Of course, I was too busy being butt hurt over thinking Sirius was the one who betrayed my parents, so I didn't really pay attention to him. Why do you ask all this?" Harry asked curiously.

"For future reference." Tom said with a mischievous grin, which caused Harry to roll his eyes.

"Anyway." He chuckled as he stood up. "I'll see you tonight, and we can watch Snape's epic rant to the Headmaster."

"That should be amusing." Tom said, as he saw Harry out the door.

All Harry could do was laugh quietly at what was sure to be a highly entertaining evening.

* * *

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, but the Hogwarts rumor mill was working overtime. Between the first year Gryffindors and Slytherins who witnessed what happened in Potions, and the fourth year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws who heard the retelling, everyone knew what happened by dinner.

This seemed to anger Snape even more, and at dinner that night, he glared at the four friends all throughout the meal. However, since Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville were feeling a bit emboldened by the 'protection' of Tom, they all openly glared back at him, which only seemed to further anger the Potions Master.

Tom, who had taken up his seat at the head table, sat right between Snape and Dumbledore without a care in the world, though Dumbledore kept shooting him odd looks from time to time, while glancing nervously at Harry.

Aside from all the hostile glaring, dinner passed with little incident, and it wasn't until later that night, when they were settling into bed, that something finally happened.

Ron was sitting cross legged in his bed, reading a Quidditch magazine, when Peter, who was asleep on his pillow, let out an ear piercing squeal as if he was being tortured.

"Scabbers!" Ron cried, jumping up and scooping up the trembling rat.

Harry just calmly looked over at them, but Neville and Draco, who had been hiding behind his bed curtains, stared at them with wide eyes.

"Blimey, he's shaking like a leaf!" Ron exclaimed, as he held the rat close to his chest in an attempt to comfort him.

"He seems to be all right though." Harry said. "He probably had a bad dream or something."

"Dream?" Ron asked, looking at him as if he were nuts.

"Yeah. Dogs and cats dream. Have you ever watched a dog while they were sleeping?" He asked, but Ron shook his head.

"I have." Draco said with a smirk. "They sometimes tend to whine in their sleep, and every once in a while they will start moving their legs as if they were running."

"Cats do the same thing." Neville offered. "Though they tend to twitch a lot too."

"Scabbers probably dreamt that there was no more cheese in the world or something." Harry said with a wave of his hand. "He is a rat after all."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Ron said skeptically, as he gently laid Peter back down on the pillow. "I'll keep my eye on him though, just in case."

"It's probably a good idea." Neville said with a yawn, as Draco scoffed and disappeared back behind his curtains.

They all settled back down after that, but Harry cast a glance towards Peter, who was staring at him with wide eyes. Peter nodded once, and Harry returned the nod showing that he understood.

Peter had received Tom's confirmation.

* * *

It was just after midnight when Harry's dorm mates fell asleep, so he puffed into an unused classroom to take care of the day's sorting. He got through it in record time, but then he was finally able to puff into Tom's living quarters.

When Harry arrived, Tom was waiting for him with a slight smirk on his face, but Harry grinned as he caught sight of the paused picture on the stone that looked into Dumbledore's office.

"Did you watch it already?" He asked, causing Tom to shake his head.

"No, I was waiting on you. Thankfully I used the charm that allows us to rewind the recordings to certain points."

"Yeah, the fact that the charms and the stones work like a muggle VCR seems appropriate, since the wizarding world is normally _years_ behind the muggle world in anything that it does." Harry said as he rolled his eyes.

Tom just laughed, but then he tapped the stone with his wand, and they watched as Snape stormed into the Headmaster's office with a bloody face and a furious scowl.

"I want that arrogant, petulant, idiot boy expelled!" He shouted, causing Dumbledore to look up from a parchment he had been reading.

The Headmaster stared at Snape in shock, but then he cleared his throat. "Severus, what happened to…?"

"Potter!" He shouted. "Potter threw his Potions book at my head! He set me up, then he ran straight to the Dark Lord!"

"What!?" Dumbledore exclaimed, as he stood up quickly. "Tell me everything! No, better yet, give me your memory of the entire event. We will use my pensieve."

Snape calmed down enough to pull the memory out of his head, but then they both disappeared when they entered the pensieve.

"Five galleons says Dumbledore will be pissed." Tom said.

"Five galleons says Dumbledore will just dismiss this like he always does." Harry countered.

"Deal." Tom said, and they shook on it.

"I can already hear it." Harry laughed, then he started mimicking Dumbledore's grandfatherly voice. "Now Severus, Harry is just a boy. We are in a very tight position here and you mustn't let your emotions, and your anger for James, get the best of you." He said, causing Tom to chuckle.

"We will see." Tom replied with a smirk, just as Dumbledore and Snape reappeared.

Dumbledore looked pale, but yet thunderous with anger.

"Severus!" He shouted, causing a few things in the office to rattle violently. "How could you do that!?"

"Pay up!" Tom exclaimed happily, causing Harry to glare at him, but then he reached into his pocket and handed Tom the five galleons.

"You watched this already didn't you, you cheater." Harry grumbled, as Tom simply smirked.

"…Tom knows your hatred of the boy, and Tom used this to his own advantage!" Dumbledore continued to shout. "Harry didn't come up with this, Tom did! He sat with Harry and his friends this morning, or don't you remember!? He used BOTH of you for his own gain! You fell for Voldemort's trap, and now he has Harry LOOKING TO HIM FOR PROTECTION!" Dumbledore bellowed, causing several glass cases in his office to explode with force.

"Damn." Harry said, as he stared at the enraged Headmaster with wide eyes. "I didn't know he could get that angry."

Tom just snorted, but they watched as Severus paled rapidly and backed up a few steps. However, Dumbledore wasn't finished yet.

"Your petty hatred for James, and by extension, Harry, has caused the unthinkable. Tom now has Harry looking to him, instead of you, or me for that matter. Tom demonstrated that he is willing to protect Harry and his friends from you, and in one fell swoop, he gained Harry's trust, while alienating the boy from the rest of us! Of all the petty things you could have done!? WHY IN THE NAME OF MERLIN DID YOU TAUNT HIM IN SUCH A FASHION!?" Dumbledore roared, causing more things to explode.

"I-I-I..."

"Silence!" Dumbledore snapped. "Tom played you both like a muggle fiddle, and you walked right into this. I don't want to hear your excuses."

"How does Dumbledore even know what a fiddle is?" Harry asked with confusion. "That's an American expression."

"He's Dumbledore." Tom replied with a shrug. "He's also a member of the ICW, so he's probably picked up sayings from the Americans."

"You have a point." Harry said with a nod, as he continued to watch the recording.

Dumbledore was glaring at Snape and seething with anger, but then he sat down and sighed heavily. It was a few more minutes before Albus calmed down, but Snape just stood there with a blank, emotionless face.

"He's blaming me for him getting yelled at." Harry chuckled as he looked at Snape. "He doesn't even care that it was him who messed up. All he's thinking about is the 'Potter brat' and how I make his life miserable. He won't even own up to the fact that he, mostly, caused this himself."

"I think you might be right." Tom said, as he looked at Severus and laughed. "And given all the hostile glares he was giving you at lunch and dinner, I doubt this will be the last time Dumbledore starts screaming at him."

Harry snorted, but didn't get to saying anything because Dumbledore stood up once again.

"I need to fix this somehow. I need to talk to Harry some time tomorrow."

"Are you going to tell the brat…boy…who the Dark Lord really is?" Snape asked, swallowing hard when Dumbledore glared at him.

"No." Albus replied. "Harry will tell his friends, and they will tell others, and then Hogwarts will be closed down, seeing as parents will jerk their children out faster than you can say 'Merlin'." He said with a sigh. "But I will impress upon Harry that certain people are willing to do him harm, and I will leave strong hints about it being Tom. I will try to reverse the damage you have caused to the best of my ability."

Harry snorted. "If you mention Tom by name, I won't believe it. All little innocent Harry sees is kind, brilliant, protective Professor Riddle verses mean, spiteful, bullying, Death Eater Snape." He said, causing Tom to chuckle loudly. "But then again, little innocent Harry knows that you employed Death Eater Snape, so he probably won't trust you either."

This time Tom burst out laughing, but Harry just grinned at him.

"In the meantime," Dumbledore said with a growl, "You will go out of your way to be nice to Harry and his friends. They know you were a Death Eater, so you will do your best to show that you really have changed. You will attempt to repair the damage you caused, while I do the same. Hopefully it will work, but that remains to be seen."

"Yes Headmaster." Snape said through gritted teeth, but then he turned and swooped out of the Headmaster's office.

Tom tapped the stone with his wand, causing it to jump forward to what was happening at that moment, but all was quiet in the office so he and Harry turned and grinned at each other.

"He's not going to like the fact that he has to kiss my arse." Harry commented, causing Tom to chuckle.

"And something tells me you won't make it easy for him."

"Nope."

"All right Potter, tell me, what's the deal? You respected Snape enough to name your child after him, so why the hostility? That's what I don't understand."

Harry sighed loudly, plopped down in a conjured chair, and gave Tom a tired smile.

"Have you ever heard the expression 'he has an evil soul', 'he has such a good soul', or something similar?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Well, Snape has a grouchy soul. It matters not what life he lives, because he is always the old guy sitting on his porch yelling at kids to get off his grass. By this time in real reality, he had only lived a handful of lives. He wasn't an old soul, but he wasn't a new soul either. This life, being Severus Snape, was one of the most defining lives he has ever lived, and because of that, he is perpetually angry and grouchy. He has lived a few good lives, but sometimes a life can leave an imprint on the soul, and that is what happened to Snape. I've tried to set him up for good lives, but I can't control what actually happens to a soul when they leave the sorting room, so all of Snape's mistakes, choices, and mannerisms is all on him." He said with a sigh, but then he continued.

"To this very day, he hates me. He hates the fact that Harry Bloody Potter is Death, and he is convinced it is some grand colossal conspiracy against his, well, very soul. It's as I said, I have tried to help him, but because he is who he is, he won't change. Sometimes you just can't help people because they don't want to be helped. Snape is one of those people, and he'd rather just be miserable."

"So why make his life worse?" Tom asked.

"Though love." Harry said honestly and much to Tom's confusion, but then he explained. "In real reality, I came to Hogwarts not knowing a bloody thing. I didn't even know I was a wizard until Hagrid told me, and I was treated worse than a house elf at the Dursleys. Aside from you, when I came here Snape made my life hell. I suffered years of spiteful verbal abuse and actions from Snape simply because I look like my Dad. He thought I was James Potter incarnate, and nothing I did ever changed his opinion of me. The _only_ reason he changed was because you targeted my _Mum_. Everything he did was for _her_ , not _me_ , and while I am grateful that he protected me from you, for her, that alone does _not_ make up for how he treated me. I might have named Albus after him, but that was only because I wanted to honor Snape and his bravery. I didn't do it because I respected him." He said with a sigh, but then he continued.

"You may have been trying to kill me at every turn, but when I took pity on you and put your soul back together, the first words out of your mouth were 'I am so very sorry', and the next bit was 'thank you for putting me back together'. I knew then that your _soul_ was good, and that this life, being Voldemort, was not all that you were about." Harry said, as he gave Tom a sincere smile.

"However, when I sorted Snape for the first time after becoming Death, his first words were 'Potter! What the hell are you doing here! It wasn't enough being the famous 'Boy-Who-Lived' so you had to set yourself up to become Death too!?' I knew then that Snape was the same miserable bastard he was in this life. It's as I said, I did try to help him I really did. I didn't send him back as humiliating things like I did with you, or Draco, or even Ron on occasion as a joke, but his choices in whatever life I set him up for just made him miserable. What I'm doing now is simply acting the way he _thought_ I acted the first time. I'm trying to get him to see the difference, and with a little luck, hopefully I can get him to change."

Tom sighed heavily, but then he finally nodded. "I guess I can understand that. In real reality he came to me pleading, not for your life or James's life, but for Lily's, and Lily's alone. I asked him point blank, 'what about the husband and child', and his exact words to me were 'kill them, I don't care, but please spare her'. I didn't think anything of it, because I knew he fancied her, which despite her muggle born status, I found amusing. I knew they had been friends, because Death Eaters _do_ talk, and I knew of the falling out between them. I just didn't care."

Harry nodded. "I thought as much. It also shows that if you had targeted the Longbottoms instead of us, Snape wouldn't have changed. After the war, McGonagall once said that my Dad and Sirius gave him hell in school, but she also said that Snape gave as good as he got too. Snape would even start crap with my Dad and Sirius just to try out the spells he invented. His cutting spell, Sectumsempra, was used against my Dad in a confrontation that he and Sirius didn't start. Snape found them out after curfew one night, started taunting them, used it on my Dad, but then stunned Sirius and modified his memory, before healing Dad and obliviating him too. I only know this because Dad told me after he died and I saw him for the first time after I became Death. As a matter of fact, Sirius once told me that Snape entered Hogwarts at eleven knowing more curses than most seventh years, so Snape was not always innocent."

"No, he wasn't." Tom said with a scoff. "He was a Death Eater in every sense of the word. He went on raids, and he tortured innocent men, women, and children. His attitude was 'my life is hell, so I'm going to make others life hell'. It was his unspoken motto I think."

"Mum dying didn't help either." Harry said with a nod. "Snape just turned that bitterness towards you for killing her, and me because I lived and she didn't."

"Well, what do you think he will do once he finds out the truth?" Tom asked, but Harry simply shrugged.

"I don't know, but I do hope, in some small way, that he learns a lesson." Harry said with a sigh. "It's as I said, I'm trying a bit of tough love here, and I hope it doesn't backfire on me. I really don't hate the man, but I don't altogether like him either. I will admit that doing what I'm doing is payback for how he treated me, but I also want to try and help him."

"What about others?" Tom asked curiously. "Lucius, Draco, and Dumbledore, just to name a few."

"Well, Draco is just a snot nosed brat in this life, but he's a good soul and I truly don't have any ill will towards him." Harry chuckled. "He and I actually have a friendly rivalry, much like you and I, so once he learns the truth he's going to laugh hysterically, then try and kill me for placing him in Gryffindor. Lucius on the other hand, is an evil bastard." He said, as he narrowed his eyes. "It doesn't matter what life he lives, he is always vile. Ever since his black soul was born, he's joined every Dark Lord or Lady that has come along, and on a few occasions, he has even _been_ the Dark Lord. I _will_ break that man."

"Do you think he could become the Dark Lord threat?" Tom asked, giving Harry a worrisome look.

"No." Harry replied as he shook his head. "His soul might be black, but in this life, Lucius Malfoy is a follower not a leader. He is an idiot, and I don't think _Lucius Malfoy_ has the gonads to take your place, so to speak."

"And Dumbledore?" Tom asked.

Harry cringed, but smiled sheepishly. "I love the man as a grandfather. I truly do, and he is going to be disappointed in me once he finds out the truth, but after a while he will get over it."

Tom chuckled, but then he looked at Harry and smiled. "I'll never be able to do what you do, because I honestly don't know how you do it."

"What?" Harry said as he furrowed his brow.

"You look at their souls, not the actual people."

Harry sighed as he stared at the ceiling, but after a few moments he nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Most souls are good and decent. They go through their lives never raising their hand at, or hating, anyone. They just live their lives and try to be the best person they can be. Each soul is different from the next, but most have that inherent 'goodness' that makes them…normal…if you will. Others though, not so much, because they are just vile, ugly, and cruel."

"Well," Tom said with a sigh. "I look at them as they are now, as they were in this life, and I hate some of them simply for who they are. I will admit though, that there are some I do love. I look out over the great hall and I can see some who have been related to me in past lives, and I love them wholeheartedly, but others? No, just no." He said, waving his hand dismissively.

"Myrtle." Harry said with a smirk, causing Tom to scowl.

"Even though that woman knows who I am, she had the gall to laugh at me today. She made some stupid snide remark about my teaching abilities, then she ran and hid behind Dumbledore. I swear I'm going to kill that woman before the year is out." He growled, as he twisted a fist full of his robes in frustration.

"Ah, puppy love. Isn't it grand?" Harry teased, causing Tom to glare furiously at him.

"I will curse you six ways from Sunday if you ever say that to me again." Tom hissed venomously.

Harry simply chuckled, but then he nodded. "Fair enough my friend." He said, as he stood up. "But I am surprised that you have tolerated the Ravenclaws for this long."

Tom brightened up a bit at that, and he smiled. "They actually are not that bad during this time. They are still annoying know-it-alls, but under Professor Flitwick's eye, they seemed to have changed a bit. They aren't as condescending as they were in my day."

"Tell that to Luna." Harry said with a scowl.

"Oh, there are a few that I will keep my eye on because I see the signs of some bullying, so I'll let you know." Tom replied.

"Good, because making Luna's time here a lot better is one goal I have for next year." Harry said. "But, it's late and I suppose I should go. Besides, with Dumbledore no doubt talking my ear off tomorrow, I'll need some good rest." He added with a yawn.

"Not to mention, we go get Sirius tomorrow night." Tom added with a petulant sigh.

"Indeed." Harry smirked. "By the way, thanks for helping me with Peter. He got the message."

"Not a problem Potter. Goodnight."

"Goodnight my friend." Harry replied, then he puffed away.

Tom sighed as Harry left, but then he chuckled. Watching the conversation between Harry and Dumbledore should prove entertaining, but he was not looking forward to the trip to Azkaban tomorrow. He still didn't understand why Potter couldn't just go and grab Sirius himself, but he was starting to believe that Potter had an ulterior motive.

* * *

 ***A/N* Me thinks Harry is up to something! *grins evilly* Anyway, as I said before, Im still trying to build the story, so please be patient. Zany antics and actual action will kick up a notch once Sirius is rescued, so be on the look out for that.**

 **Anyway, it will be a few weeks before I update again, seeing as I am going to get back to Courage and Cunning, but I will be back soon! Until then, please review, and thank you so much to all of you who have F, F, & R'd! I love you guys!**


	6. Tagalongs & Detention with Tom

***A/N* Hey guys, this is an extremely long chapter, but it is necessary. I know it will seem like it's random prattling at first, but everything has a purpose. Please remember, Tom has his own plans, but Harry also has his own set of plans. They are trying to out do each other, while working together to keep Snape and Dumbledore thinking the worst. I know it sounds confusing, but if you remember that, this story will make much better sense. Up until now, I have not given any hints as to what those plans are, but you will see hints of what both are trying to accomplish in this chapter.**

 **This is the last 'building chapter' and from now on, we will see the story move forward.**

 **With that said...on with the show!**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

 **Tagalongs & Detention with Tom**

"Ow! Pott..err…I mean… _Reaper_ …that was my foot you tromped on!" Tom hissed with pain, as he hopped on one foot, while trying to rub his other foot. "I still don't see why you couldn't do this alone." He added with a huff.

Harry only rolled his eyes, but then he scanned the pitch black darkness around them. Azkaban, he noticed, was very, very dark in the middle of the night, and that, combined with the effects of the dementors, the sea air, and the smell of mold made the place very depressing indeed. Moans and screams could be heard all around them as they made their way into the high security cell block, but even in the pitch black darkness, Harry caught sight of a fluttering black cloak.

"Lumos." He whispered with a smirk, as the tip of his wand lit up the area around them.

"Aaarrrggghh!" Tom suddenly screamed, as he caught sight of the gruesome face floating mere inches from his own.

He flailed his arms wildly, stumbled into a wall, lost his footing, and promptly fell over backwards, much to the amusement of his black robed, seven foot, skeletal looking companion.

"Oh will you shut up!" Harry whispered. "It's only a dementor!"

"Only a dementor!?" Tom cried, as he stared up at the floating, grotesque looking being, who was observing the two of them closely.

"Yes." Harry replied calmly. Then he turned to the dementor. "I have business here tonight. Take yourself, and the others, to the other end of the cell block and wait for my departure. I'll be leaving here tonight with a friend."

The dementor simply nodded and did as it was told, while Tom, who was getting to his feet rather slowly, looked at him in confusion.

"I don't even feel their effects. What's going on?" He asked, as he watched the dementors retreat to the end of the long row of cells.

"Me." Harry said with a crooked grin. "Their effects don't harm me, and because you're with me, you don't feel them either. You're welcome."

Tom scowled at him, but grumbled a quiet 'thank you' as they made their way deeper down the row of cells.

Then Harry grinned wickedly to himself.

"Make way for the Dark Lord Voldemort!" He shouted, causing Tom to groan loudly.

"MY LORD!" Several raspy voices shouted in unison, which caused Tom to glare at the snickering Harry.

"My Lord, save me!"

"Help me, My Lord! I have been faithful!"

"It's really the Dark Lord! I see him! I see him!"

"Here My Lord! Take me please!"

"Who's that with him!?"

"Silence!" Tom shouted, causing all the muttering and shouting to cease immediately. "I come for only one of you tonight. The rest of you will have to wait until I can secure a more fortified place for us to reside!"

Harry snorted, causing Tom to glare at him.

"I hate you Potter." He whispered. "You did this on purpose."

"I'm Reaper, remember? And of course I did." Harry grinned, as they stopped in front of a particular grimy looking cell. "You're my distraction."

Harry caught sight of Tom rolling his eyes in the wand light, but chuckled again as the lock on the cell door clicked open. He wasn't worried about any guards, seeing as Azkaban was only guarded by the dementors, especially at night, so he walked in calmly.

What he found surprised him though. Sirius was in his animagus form, backed into a corner, growling and snarling at him. He looked every bit as mangy as he had in real reality, but Harry knew that would be rectified shortly.

However, when Sirius caught sight of Harry's 'Death' form, he whimpered slightly, backed up even farther, and tried to make himself as small as possible.

"Sirius, it's alright." Harry said, as he slowly made his way towards the half whimpering, half growling dog. "Just come out the corner. It'll be alright, I promise."

Sirius still didn't budge, so Harry sighed loudly and began transforming into his eleven year old form. Sirius seemed to stare at him for a moment, and his tail even began wagging back and forth, but as soon as Harry took a single step towards him, Sirius started to growl again.

"Padfoot," Harry said gently, causing the growling to cease immediately. "It's me. It's Harry, your godson. You need to come with me because I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." He said with a grin, as he held out his hand. "And as the son of Prongs, I promise you that once my _mischief_ is _managed_ , you are going to laugh your arse off."

At these words, Sirius transformed back into his human form and stared at him in disbelief. Harry caught what appeared to be hope in the dull, lifeless eyes, but unfortunately, Tom chose that moment to stumble into the cell.

"Will you hurry up!?" He whispered loudly. "Bellatrix is trying to claw my robes off out here!"

Sirius's eyes darkened immediately, but Harry let out a tiny snort.

"That is a mental image I didn't need. Go back out there and do one of your famous, and highly boring, long monologuing speeches or something." He replied, shooing the grumbling Tom back out the cell door.

"You…you're…with him." Sirius rasped out, as his eyes filled with tears of betrayal.

"Sort of, but it's not what you think. Just let me touch your forehead Padfoot. I promise that when I do, it will all make sense."

"I…I guess I don't have…don't have anything to…to loose now." Sirius replied, as he slumped to the floor.

He stared up at Harry as tears fell down his cheeks. The sight nearly broke Harry's heart, but he knew that in a few moments Sirius would understand fully. He cautiously approached Sirius, and their eyes met for a brief moment.

"Your dad…would be…so disappointed Harry. If you really…really are Harry. I don't believe you…you are Harry."

Harry knew Sirius was talking nonsense, and his brain was a little slow in trying to process what all was happening, but Harry just smiled and touched his forehead without saying a word.

The change was near instantaneous, as Sirius's mind was unlocked and all the memories of his past lives came rushing to him. The years of Azkaban seemed to melt off of his gaunt face, and it began to fill out. His dull eyes also sparked to life, and in that moment, Harry thought he was looking at an entirely different man. Sirius now looked just like he had in his younger years, and when he looked at Harry, his face burst into a wide grin.

"Harry!" Sirius shouted, as he grabbed his godson in a rib crushing hug. Harry immediately tried to shush him, but Sirius ignored it. "What are you doing? What's happening? Why are…?"

"Shhh! Sirius, hush!" Harry whispered furiously. "The Death Eaters will…"

"Ok, ok." Sirius said, as he nearly bounced around his cell with happiness. "I'll wait. I don't understand why in the hell I'm Sirius Black again, but a few more minutes of waiting won't hurt me. I hope you have food though, because I'm hungry."

Harry snorted at the randomness of that last statement, but he nodded.

"Yes, I have food waiting back at Hogwarts. We just need to rescue poor Tommy boy out there and then we will go."

"So you're with him, or rather, he's with you then?" Sirius asked, as he cocked his head to the side in confusion. "Wait, I've just confused myself."

"That's not hard for you to accomplish." Harry said with a grin, as Sirius playfully scowled at him.

Harry morphed back into his skeletal 'Death' form, and motioned for Sirius to follow. Thankfully, the cells of Azkaban mostly blocked the other prisoners from looking into each other's cells, but a few feet to the right and left of the cell doors allowed them to see each other, if they choose to sit that close to the door. Most didn't though, because of the dementors floating in the corridor.

"…ten long years you have suffered for me and I will reward each and every one of you, but I will need time my friends. I cannot tell you exactly when I will come back though, least my plans become ruined by that muggle loving fool Dumbledore. I will… _oh thank Merlin!_ " Tom said, hissing that last part in Parseltongue when Harry and Sirius appeared beside him.

"Oh Master." Sirius said, with an over dramatic, sarcastic, flourishing bow. "I humbly thank you for fetching me from this hell hole. My gratitude is forever yours."

Harry snorted loudly, while Tom gave Sirius an exasperated glare.

"You're welcome Black, my most faithful." Tom said, though it was more of a question than a statement, which only caused Sirius to chuckle loudly.

"Master please, I beg of you. Take me with you." A raspy, female voice sobbed, as her hand clawed at the hem of his robes.

"Let go of my robes Bella." Tom said, but she ignored him, which actually surprised Harry.

"Please, please Master." She begged, as she stared up at him with longing eyes. "I have been faithful, I swear. My loyalty to you has no bounds."

"Let go Bella." Tom repeated more sternly.

She finally did, but she began to sob louder as Harry took hold of both Tom and Sirius's arms.

"I will return my friends!" Tom shouted, as all the Death Eaters began to cheer loudly. "I promise…"

Was the last thing they heard before Harry puffed them all back to Hogwarts.

* * *

"…that you will NEVER see me again!" Tom finished, as they reappeared back in his living quarters. "Potter, I can't believe you made me do that. If I could, I would kill you…"

"You saved me Master! Thank you, thank you! Let's kill the blood traitor together. That's why you rescued that pitiful…"

"POTTER! What the hell is SHE doing here!?" Tom shrieked, as he jumped a foot in the air.

"I have no idea." Harry said with a smirk, as he watched Tom try and side step an overzealous Bellatrix, who was crawling around on her hand and knees, trying to kiss the hem of his robes.

Sirius burst out laughing, but then he saw the food sitting on the small kitchen table and made a beeline towards it, which caused Harry to chuckle and shake his head as he changed back into his eleven year old form.

"Sirius, eat slowly so your stomach has a chance to adjust. I can work most miracles, but a body can only handle so much, so soon." Harry said, as he completely ignored the glares Tom was sending his way.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Was all Sirius managed to say, before he dug into the Nachos Bell Grande Harry had swiped from the nearest Taco Bell in the muggle world.

"Potter." Tom growled with warning, as Bellatrix finally caught up with him when he backed himself into a corner.

"Oh right, sorry Tom. She must have grabbed ahold of your robes one last time as we puffed out. It seems she was a tagalong." Harry snorted.

"You did this on purpose." He hissed, but he wrinkled his nose when Bella stood up.

She whirled around to face Harry and Sirius, who was ignoring everyone in favor of the food, but the gleeful grin on her gaunt, twisted looking face only made Harry smirk with amusement.

"Let me kill the boy Master. Please!" She cackled. "It's why you rescued the blood traitor Black isn't it? He gets to watch as the boy dies slow and painfully!"

"Good luck with killing Death Bella." Sirius said with a mouthful of nachos. "It can't be done. Can we just kill her Harry? She's ruining my appetite."

"The both of you are running my living quarters because of the way you smell." Tom snapped, as he began to cast a series of fresh air charms. "Merlin, couldn't you have taken a shower first Black?"

"Oh stuff it Tommy boy, I'm not scared of you. I'm going to eat first, then bathe."

"How dare you talk to the Dark Lord that way?!" Bella shrieked as she lunged towards Sirius.

Tom had just enough time to grab her arm to stop her, but because of the years of oily, greasy, Azkaban grime that was caked onto her skin, she simply slipped out of his grip and landed face first onto the floor.

"Ok, that's just nasty." Harry commented, as he wrinkled his nose.

He pulled out his scythe and rapped the end of it on the floor. Instantly, both Sirius and Bella were clean as a whistle and dressed in fresh muggle clothes. Both had on jeans and T-shirts, which only made Tom cast a curious glance at him, but Harry just shrugged it off.

Sirius didn't even bat an eye, but Bella screamed hysterically and began dancing around, as if she were trying to shake off the offending clothes.

"Muggle garb! Get this off of me! The Dark Lord will not have this nonsense in his presence!"

"SHUT UP BELLA!" Tom roared, causing her to cease her dancing immediately. "Potter, will you just either kill her, or give her back her memories so that I _don't_ develop a headache from all her screaming and screeching."

"I'm surprised she hasn't woken up the entire castle with that racket." Sirius commented, as he unwrapped a soft taco supreme.

Bella glared at him, but before she could say anything, Harry burst out laughing, puffed right in front of her, and touched her forehead.

As it was with Sirius, the years of toll Azkaban had taken out on her seemed to melt as she was restored to her beautiful youthful self. She stumbled a bit as her memories began to bombard her, but it wasn't long before she stood up straight and looked around the room.

"Holy sweet Merlin." She breathed, as her eyes widened in shock. "Harry love, what is…?"

"Just sit down Bella. I promise you both I will explain everything." Harry said with a grin, as he wrapped his arms around her and gave her a big hug.

She returned it with a flourish, and even gave him a kiss on the cheek before letting him go. Then, of course, she spied the tacos, ran over, and began devouring them.

"I know it's not exactly lady like, but…" She shrugged, then she giggled as a piece of lettuce slipped out her mouth.

Tom just shook his head and stared at Bella, then back to Harry. "Why couldn't you have just done that to begin with? And what is with all the friendliness?"

"What would have been the fun in that?" Harry replied, as he grinned at him. "And as for the friendliness, well let's just say, you are not the only one who has spent twenty-four hours in The Void. Bella and I are very much acquainted." He said, giving Bella a wink.

She winked back, but Sirius made a gagging sound, while Tom stared at him in shock. Then he opened his mouth to say something, but then snapped it closed.

"Nevermind, I don't want to know." He said as he waved his hand dismissively, then he and Harry joined them at the small kitchen table and began eating their midnight snack.

"I know that Taco Bell probably isn't the best thing to give you guys right now, but it does have veggies, dairy, grains, and meat so at least you're getting some of the main food groups." Harry said, as he passed Bella a Nachos Bell Grande of her own.

"I don't care." Sirius said, as he reached for a hard taco. "The meat might be unhealthy, but there is just something about this greasy mess that tastes so good."

"And we are getting fruit too." Bella added, as she closed her eyes and savored the taste of the nachos.

"Fruit?" Sirius said, as he eyed his taco curiously. "Is there like a hidden banana in the meat or something."

Bella rolled her eyes at him. "No you idiot, the tomatoes are the fruit."

"Tomatoes are a veggie, not a fruit." Sirius replied with a scoff.

"Yes they are."

"No they are not."

"Yes they are."

"Is this really important?" Tom asked with a sigh.

"Not really." They chorused, as Harry looked on with amusement.

"I claim a bag of the cinnamon twisty things, so don't even try for them Sirius." Bella said, as she smacked at his hand when he reached for them.

"Oh, you mean the fried pasta with cinnamon and sugar caked on them." Sirius said with a superior smirk.

"They are NOT fried pasta!" Bella yelled, as she scowled playfully at him.

"Yes they are!" Sirius laughed. "Google it."

"It's 1991, so Google hasn't been invented yet." Bella replied, as Tom sighed in annoyance.

"Don't worry, I can get more." Harry chuckled. "And yes, tomatoes are a fruit, and the cinnamon twisty things are a special kind of fried pasta." He added, causing Sirius and Bella to stare at him in disbelief.

Bella just shook her head, but then she looked at him and smiled. "Ok Love, spill it. Tell us what is going on. Obviously, whatever it is, the two of you are in on it."

Tom chuckled. "Let me sum it up. This is an alternate reality that Potter and I thought up while getting drunk on firewhiskey."

"What!?" They cried, causing Harry to burst out laughing.

"Oh, there is more to it, so I'll explain." He said with a grin.

Two hours later saw Bella and Sirius doubled over with laughter, and stomach aches from eating too much, as Harry and Tom finished getting them caught up on everything. Harry was afraid of what Sirius would do when he told him about Peter, but he was relieved when Sirius simply waved the issue off. Sirius went on to explain that since he now had his memories, and the fact that Lily and James were out there somewhere, he had no issues with the rat.

Harry also explained about the bet he and Tom had regarding the treasure hoard that Dumbledore was still, apparently, trying to gather, seeing as he hadn't announced anything about it to the school yet.

It was at this point when Bella started bouncing excitedly in her seat. That is, after Harry had supplied her and Sirius with some Pepto-Bismol, which actually tasted a lot better, and worked just as well, than a stomach soothing potion.

"Love, since you are going to get Hermione, Ron, and Neville involved with this treasure hoard search, I'm thinking that Sirius and I can help Tom. It'll be evened out that way, and we will all have a chance at some of the money."

Harry glanced at Tom, who simply shrugged.

"But it will be four against three." Sirius said with a furrowed brow. "How is that fair?"

"Yes, but Harry is Death, so Tom's already at a disadvantage." Bella replied offhandedly, which caused Tom to shoot her a dirty look. "Since Hermione, Ron, and Neville don't have their memories that will even out the teams. You have to remember, they only have the knowledge of first years." She added with a grin.

"I suppose." Sirius said, as he sighed and leaned back in his chair. "But that puts Harry at a disadvantage."

"He's Death. That's hardly a disadvantage." Tom replied. "But if we do this, you two only get five percent of the take."

"Fine by me." They said with almost identical grins.

"Because of the Black family fortune, I don't need any of the money really." Sirius went on to add. "I just want the adventure."

"Same here." Bella echoed with a grin.

Tom glanced at Harry, who, just like Tom had done, shrugged indifferently.

"Where will the two of you stay though? Grimmauld Place?" Harry asked.

"Why not here at Hogwarts?" Bella asked. "It'll be much easier to stay here, versus having you puff us all around everywhere."

"You're not staying in my quarters!?" Tom yelled, causing Sirius to burst out laughing.

"What's the matter Tommy? Afraid of being pranked?"

Tom rolled his eyes. "Hardly, but I do still value my privacy. Besides, I'll just kill you if you tried."

Sirius snorted. "Not that I'd stay dead, but whatever." He said, causing Harry to chuckle.

"I guess you two can stay in the Room of Requirement." Harry offered. "Just lock it down so that _no one_ can find it, and use Kreacher to get you both some food. When Peter gets the map, I'll make a copy and give it to you." He added, causing Sirius to nod enthusiastically.

"That's what I was thinking too Love. Besides, Kreacher will be easy for me to handle, and he won't be trouble, but you and I could…" Bella said, letting her voice trail off as she winked at him, causing Harry to grin.

"Please don't." Sirius said, looking a bit nauseous. "Honestly. Just don't. I don't want to have to hear you two…"

"Moving on!" Tom shouted. "But Potter, I'm surprised at you." He added in a mock scandalized tone. "You're a married man."

Harry snorted. "Oh calm down. We are just flirting with each other. Besides, I haven't been married in over two thousand years. Yes, I love Ginny with all my heart, but two thousand years is a long time. We have both moved on, though she too will occasionally stay in the Void every once in a while."

Bella simply chuckled. "Why am I not surprised? You're a charming little devil, just like James Potter was." She said, causing Sirius to laugh loudly.

"James would be so proud." He said, wiping a fake tear from his eye.

"Oh, he is." Harry grinned. "Mum though, well let's just say she only rolls her eyes." He said, causing everyone else to laugh loudly.

"Well," Sirius said with a chuckle. "I'm all for staying here at Hogwarts. It will make pranking certain people much easier."

"Ohhh, Sirius!" Bella exclaimed. "I know what we can do! We can sneak into the Slytherin common room and turn it red and gold, then we can sneak into the Gryffindor common room and turn it green and silver! No one would know who did it!"

"They may think it was a Hufflepuff, or a Ravenclaw." Sirius said, as he rubbed his chin and stared at the ceiling. "I like it!"

Tom just shook his head, but Harry simply laughed. They threw around prank ideas for a while, with Tom even adding an idea or two of his own, but pretty soon they were all getting a bit droopy eyed.

However, before they all headed off to bed, Tom suddenly turned to Harry with wide eyes.

"Didn't you want to show them the conversation between you and Dumbledore earlier this afternoon?" He asked, causing Harry to whack himself in the forehead.

"Yes!" he cried. "I had completely forgotten all about it."

"Is it funny?" Sirius asked with a yawn.

"Oh, it's not just funny, it's hysterical." Tom said with a smirk, as he got up to activate the stone.

This seemed to wake Sirius and Bella up a bit, but all of them focused on the recording as it began. Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk, and Harry was sitting 'nervously' in a squashy arm chair in front of him. They watched with amusement as he shifted around like a scared eleven year old who was in lots of trouble.

"You can relax Harry." Dumbledore said with a gentle smile. "You're not in any trouble."

Harry looked at Dumbledore with a large sigh of relief. "Oh, that's good then. I thought I was. I thought this had something to do with what happened in Potions yesterday. I thought you were going to expel me sir."

Dumbledore shook his head. "No Harry, I'm not going to expel you, but you are correct in thinking this has something to do with what happened yesterday."

"Oh." Harry replied with quiet innocence, as he stared at his lap.

"You are such a good little actor Love." Bella snorted, causing Sirius to laugh quietly, as Tom and Harry just grinned at each other.

"I called this meeting with you in the hopes that I could help you better understand Professor Snape. It is my hope that perhaps the two of you could come to a truce."

"No offence Professor." Harry said with a bit of coldness in his voice. "But Professor Snape is a Death Eater. He has made his feelings about me very clear. I'm sorry sir, but I don't trust him."

"But you trust Professor Riddle?" Dumbledore asked, deciding to switch gears for a moment.

"Yes sir, I do."

"Why?" Dumbledore pressed. "What has he told you about himself?"

"Well," Harry said slowly, as if he were trying to think. "He told me that he lived through the first war, then he went to America after I stopped He-Who-Killed-My-Parents-Because-He-Has-Daddy-Issues." He said, causing Sirius to burst out laughing. "He's a good Professor. He warned Rowena…sorry, Hermione, Ron, Neville, and myself about Professor Snape being a Death Eater, and I have to say sir...he was right about that. He warned us that Professor Snape didn't like me."

"I see." Dumbledore said as he looked at Harry thoughtfully. "First of all Harry, I must ask you to either call Voldemort, 'Voldemort', 'You-Know-Who', or 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named', though I encourage you to call him Voldemort. Also, I'm afraid I must take one point from Gryffindork for your use of…irregular…names for him. You said, that Professor Riddle went to America after the war. Did he say why?"

"Oh yes sir." Harry said with a nod. "He wanted to get away for a while, because he needed a change of scenery. He wanted to get out of Britain, and away from all the death and destruction. I can hardly blame him though. I would have too."

"Interesting." Dumbledore mumbled. "And what about the…Daddy issues…you mentioned in your name for Voldemort. What was that about?" He asked curiously.

"Oh." Harry laughed. "Professor Riddle said that he looked into He-Who-Threw-A-Temper-Tantrum…oh, sorry…that he looked into Voldemort's life and family. Apparently Professor Riddle was able to uncover a bunch of things about Voldemort, and he was about to go to the Ministry with his findings when my Mum did whatever she did to me that stopped him."

"Did he say what those finding were?"

"Oh yes sir." Harry said happily, as Harry and Tom both snorted, which caused Sirius and Bella to glance at them in amusement. "Professor Riddle said that Voldemort is actually the half-blooded son of a muggle man who hated him. Professor Riddle and I both thought it was funny, seeing as Voldemort has all these pure-blooded arseholes…sorry…bigots bowing down and kissing his butt. We both had a good laugh over that."

Dumbledore seemed to frown at him for a moment. "Harry I must ask you to watch your language, but did Professor Riddle say what Voldemort's real name is?"

"No sir, he never told me that part." Harry said thoughtfully, as he stared at the ceiling.

"I see." Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eyes. "So for all you may know, Professor Riddle himself could be Voldemort."

Harry stared at the old man for a moment, but then he burst out laughing.

"Sir," He gasped, as he held clutched at his side, "that is the funniest thing I have heard all day. If Professor Riddle is really Voldemort, then he's a pretty bad Dork Lord…err…Dark Lord."

Dumbledore glared at him for a moment, but Sirius and Bella were laughing just as much as 'on screen' Harry was.

"Two points from Gryffindork Harry, but why do you think it's funny?" Dumbledore asked.

"Well, he's…oh how do I put this…too happy. I mean, the man has none of the 'Dark Lord' qualities a person thinks about when someone mentions 'Voldemort'. He doesn't wear black all the time, he doesn't prowl around the school in a perpetual bad mood, he hasn't killed anyone, and he hasn't cursed anyone. He doesn't yell, scowl, take points for stupid reasons, call people names, or hate people just because of who they are related to. Professor Riddle is always laughing, smiling, socializing, and he's a really brilliant Professor." Harry replied in a calm tone.

"What are you trying to say Harry?" Dumbledore asked, looking at him with a frown.

"Well…he's not Snape." He answered with a shrug. "If anyone could be a candidate for a Dark Lord in hiding, Snape is it." He added.

" _Professor_ Snape, Harry." Dumbledore said with a sigh, as Tom, Harry, Sirius, and Bella doubled over with laughter. "I know you think Professor Snape is your enemy, but he's not. He is…"

"A Death Eater." Harry interrupted with a scowl, causing Dumbledore to, once again, sigh loudly. "And frankly Headmaster, that makes him my enemy."

"Harry, I assure you that Professor Snape is not your enemy, but there are others who are." Dumbledore said firmly, as if he were trying to hint at something.

Harry, on the other hand, choose that moment to switch gears and decided to put Dumbledore on the spot.

"So says the man who hired a Death Eater who hates me." Harry replied calmly, causing Dumbledore to openly gape at him for a moment.

"Harry, I assure you…"

"You can assure me all you want sir, but the fact remains, you hired a Death Eater who clearly hates me. That makes me question _your_ motives." Harry said, as he glared at the man.

Dumbledore took a deep calming breath as he tried not to show his anger at being accused of such things, but before he could say anything else about the matter, Harry continued.

"However, to calm your fears and just to be safe, I have already asked Professor Riddle to show me his forearms, and he is not sporting the Dark Mark. He wasn't even offended by the question and actually laughed about it."

"Not all of Voldemort's supporters have Dark Marks Harry." Dumbledore warned, as he glanced sharply at him. "As a matter of fact, only very few of Voldemort's supporters have Dark Marks. Only those in his inner circle have them."

"You may have a very valid point there." Harry conceded. "But I look at the difference between Professor Snape and Professor Riddle and I see two _very_ different men. If Professor Riddle was a supporter of Voldemort, then he's a pretty poor supporter. What supporter would allow Hermione, a muggle born, to just rifle through their book collection? Answer…none." Harry said with a swipe of his hand.

Dumbledore sighed heavily and rubbed the bridge of his nose, but before he could reply, Harry continued to babble on once again.

"And furthermore, Professor Riddle actually teaches us things, whereas Professor Snape doesn't. Professor Riddle _wants_ us to learn, while Professor Snape yells at us if we dare think about asking a question. Three quarters of the school hate the man and his classes. They just want to be able to get through his class without losing an excessive amount of points, and without drawing attention to themselves."

"How do you know what the rest of the school likes and dislikes Harry? You've only been here a week." Dumbledore said sternly, as he peered at Harry over the top of his glasses.

"Oooh Love, you better watch that." Bella said, as she clicked her tongue and shook her head.

"Yeah I know." 'Off screen' Harry answered with a nod. "That is also when I realized that I was no longer talking like an eleven year old, so I started dialing back on the 'grown-up' talk."

"Sorry sir." 'On screen' Harry replied, as he looked down sheepishly. "I'm just repeating what I've heard others say."

"Well, be that as it may Harry, I think you should be careful around Professor Riddle." Dumbledore replied, as he continued to eye Harry curiously.

"Should I also be careful around Professor Sprout too? What about Professor Flitwick?" Harry asked quietly, as he fiddled with the hem of his robe.

"No." Dumbledore replied, looking a little confused.

"Then why just Professor Riddle?" He asked innocently.

"Because…" Dumbledore said, but then he faltered. "Because I said so."

"Oh." Harry replied simply, causing Sirius to snort loudly.

"Why haven't you actually called him out on why he is so stuck on Tom, and no one else?" Sirius went on to ask.

"I don't want to play that hand yet. It's too early in the game." Harry replied with a grin.

"Ah." Sirius said with a chuckle.

"It's a smart move though." Tom added. "You don't want to show all your cards yet."

"Indeed."

"Well Harry, what I'm going to do is take fifteen points from Gryffindork for you throwing a book at Professor Snape's head. Professor Snape explained what happened to me, and both of you were at fault. I have already spoken to him about his behavior, and he has agreed to not provoke you in the future. Also, I would highly advise you to not 'set-up' your Professors in the manner in which you did, but I must ask you something and I want you to answer me truthfully. Did Professor Riddle put you up to it, because I saw that he sat with you and your friends yesterday morning."

"No sir." Harry said innocently. "He only warned us about Professor Snape being a Death Eater and the fact that he hated me. My actions were my own."

"I see." Dumbledore replied with a frown. "Well, in any case, I don't want to see any more of that type of behavior from you. The manner in which you set up Professor Snape was quite disturbing."

"You mean Slytherin." Tom commented with a smirk, causing the others to laugh.

"Yes sir." Harry replied quietly, as he blinked backed tears.

"Very well then. You may go, just know that I will be monitoring the situation carefully."

"Yes sir." Harry replied again. Then he got up and made a showing of walking slowly to the door, while trying to hide his 'sniffling'.

"Oh good touch that was." Bella said with a girlish laugh.

"Yes, quite the acting old boy." Sirius said with a stuffy fake accent, as he clapped Harry on the shoulder.

Tom turned the stone off while trying to stifle a yawn, but Bella began to protest.

"Go back! I want to see what Dumbledore did after Harry left!" She cried.

"It was nothing." Tom said, as he rubbed his tired eyes. "He mumbled something about the situation being worse than he thought, then stared at his door for ten minutes, before finally sorting through his mail. Honest to Merlin, that's all he did." He added, placing his hand dramatically over his heart.

"That sounds like something Dumbledore would do." Bella conceded with a yawn.

Harry and Sirius snorted, but then they nodded.

"Well, I think its bedtime." Sirius said with a yawn of his own, as he stood up and stretched. "It's been a wild day."

"I agree." Bella echoed.

"I'll puff you two to the Room of Requirement, but remember, if you are moving about the castle stay under a disillusionment charm, and these." Harry said, then proceeded to produce two identical invisibility cloaks from thin air.

Sirius's eyes grew wide at the sight of them. "Is this…are they…"

"Just like the Hallow?" Harry asked with a chuckle. "Yeah, but they aren't exactly 'it'. These are just copies. The real one is still in real reality, and is still being passed down."

"What about the stone?" Tom asked curiously.

"I have that in The Void, but I can make a copy if I need to. They, technically, can be considered Hallows, but they aren't _real_ Hallows. If you can follow that." Harry replied.

"The Elder Wand too?" Bella asked, as she admired the cloak.

"No, that wand is the real Elder Wand. Its powers died in real reality when I kicked the bucket, but I reactivated it and brought it here. It will stay with Dumbledore though." Harry answered. "And speaking of wands…" He added.

Once again, from thin air, he produced two wands that made Sirius and Bella started grinning with happiness.

"Ah, my wand. How I've missed you." Bella said, as she lovingly took the crooked looking wand.

"And mine too." Sirius said with a grin. "It hurt when, in real reality, they snapped it."

"They didn't snap mine because Cissy demanded it be turned over to her. Good thing too, or else I wouldn't have had it when you broke us out." She said, as she glanced at Tom, who merely shrugged.

"Well, I thought it would be a nice touch to end the day." Harry said with a laugh.

"Yes, yes, you have your wands, congratulations, but I have a question." Tom said impatiently, causing everyone to chuckle and shake their heads. "Why have copies of the cloak and stone, but have the real Elder Wand floating around?" Tom asked, looking at Harry curiously.

"Spoilers." Harry said with a grin, causing everyone to roll their eyes.

"Fine, keep your secrets then." Tom said dismissively. "But all of you out...now. It's four in the morning, and I'm tired."

"Yes, he needs his beauty sleep." Bella said, causing Tom to give her the 'Voldemort' glare.

"Goodnight Tom." Harry chuckled.

Then he puffed out with Sirius and Bella in tow, leaving an exhausted Tom behind to catch up on his 'beauty sleep'.

* * *

The next morning, Harry woke up to the sounds of rapid chattering, shouting, laughing, and angry muttering. He was half tempted to curse his fellow dorm mates, but decided against it, seeing as that would only cause people to ask questions.

Apparently, from what Harry could gather as he lay in the bed, Chippy the Confidence Chipmunk, or Scabbers, had chewed a hole in all of Draco's underwear.

The laughing was coming from Ron, who thought the whole thing was funny. The rapid chattering was coming from Chippy, who seemed to be protesting the accusation, and the shouting and muttering was coming from Draco, who was less than pleased to have his underwear ruined.

Harry groaned loudly and tried to bury his head under his pillow, but the action proved to be useless when the shouting reached a fever pitch.

"OI!" Harry yelled, effectively cutting through all the noise. "Some people are trying to sleep!"

"Sorry mate." Ron said sheepishly, as he pulled back Harry's bed curtains. His face was red from laughter, but he cast an amused glance over his shoulder. "Malfoy is in a bad mood. He thinks…"

"Yes I know, I heard." Harry replied with a growl, as he shielded his eyes from the bright sunlight that was streaming through his, now, open curtains.

"Well, it's time to get up anyway Harry, or you'll miss breakfast." Ron went on, ignoring the glares Harry was shooting his way.

He groaned and rolled back over, but the dorm room door suddenly burst open, causing the other boys to yelp in surprise.

"What are _you_ doing in here!?" Draco yelled.

" _What_ is going on?" A young, female voice demanded. "I heard all the commotion as I was making my way into the common room. Goodness, you'd _think_..."

"Well it's a good thing I don't sleep naked!" Harry called out loudly, but he was grinning into his pillow as he said it.

There was a long, uncomfortable pause which caused Harry to snort loudly.

"I-I-I…"

"Aww, is our little Rowena actually lost for words?" Harry asked, as he sat up and looked towards the door.

Hermione was standing there with a gaping mouth, but then she snapped it shut and immediately turned bright red in the face.

"I-I will just go. I'm sooo sorry. I'll just…"

"Then GO!" Malfoy shouted, as he began stuffing his holy underwear back into his trunk.

"Hey Rowena, before you do leave, have you read of a spell that can fix the kumquat's holy underwear?" Harry asked, causing Draco to shoot him a dirty look.

"Oh, um, well, I did read about one. 'Reparo' it's a mending charm." She replied, then bolted out the door.

Harry turned to Draco, who was scowling at the now vacant doorway.

"Well there you go Drakie-Poo. Crises adverted."

"Shut up Potter!" Draco yelled, but Harry could see that he was curious to try out the spell.

"Now, if you all will excuse me…" Harry said, then he closed his bed curtains and lay back down.

Only to have them ripped back open within a few seconds.

"I don't think so mate!" Ron said with a happy grin. "Get up, it's time for breakfast!"

Harry sighed loudly and once again thought about cursing his best friend, but then he dismissed that thought. Tom was likely to sleep through breakfast, and it wouldn't be good for him to also sleep through the meal. It would only raise suspicion with Dumbledore and Snape, and that was something he didn't want right now.

Not to mention, he wanted to see what the morning paper had to say about Sirius and Bella's escape.

With a long, weary sigh, he finally crawled out of bed and looked around at everyone, though he did glare at Ron for a few extra seconds.

"Fine. I'm up."

"Merlin Harry, you look like Death. Did you not sleep well?" Neville asked with a chuckle.

This innocent question caught Harry completely off guard, and he looked down at himself in a panic, thinking he may have inadvertently changed into his actual 'Death' form.

Thankfully that was not the case, but it did give him an idea.

"What's wrong?" Ron asked, as he looked at Harry curiously.

"Oh, nothing." He replied with a yawn, in an attempt to cover his own stupidity, and still sleep addled brain. "But that did just give me a splendid idea. Let me use the bathroom, and get changed. I'll be out in a minute." He added with a grin, as he scooped up his school robes.

He was gone for about five minutes, but then he reemerged with an even bigger grin on his gaunt, fleshless face.

It was enough to terrify all three pure-bloods and render them speechless.

" _Now_ , I look like Death!" He cried, throwing his arms wide open.

"Potter! What the hell are you doing?! Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed?" Draco all but screeched hysterically. "One does _not_ go around masquerading as Death! Are you trying to draw out his wrath upon us!? I'm out of here!"

Draco nearly killed himself trying to get to the door, but Ron and Neville just stood there shaking in fear.

"What?" Harry asked innocently. "I simply _love_ being a metamorphmagus."

"H-Harry, you have to…"

"Mate, seriously, you have no idea…"

"What!?" Harry asked again. "It's not like this is the first time I've done this. I remember a few years ago when I dressed up like Death for Halloween. I actually made myself ten feet tall, but Aunt Petunia put her foot down and said that was just too suspicious, so I had to go out looking like the normal eight year old I was. My 'costume' was a hit though, because everyone commented on how real it looked."

Neville and Ron just stood there gaping at him, but then Neville shook his head.

"Harry, no, seriously, you don't want to anger Death." He said, as he backed away slowly. "There is a belief amongst wizards that to anger, or mock, Death is a sure fire way to get yourself killed. Then he will do terrible things to you once you appear before his throne. You DO NOT want to anger him."

"He's right Harry. If you go out there looking like that, you're going to cause more than a few people to have heart attacks!" Ron cried.

"Well then, what are we waiting for?" Harry asked with a gleam in his eye, though neither of his friends saw it, seeing as his eyes were nothing but black voids at the moment.

He was, of course, well aware of this silly little fear of Death, but silly was all that it was. The original Death had gotten a really good kick out of it, and so did Harry once he took over the job. In truth though, there was a bit of merit to it, seeing as Death had the power to ruin your next great adventure if you did manage to piss him off.

Not that Harry was all that worried about it, for obvious reasons. Besides, it was Sunday, and other than his detention with Tom that night, he had nothing better to do.

"Oh come on." Harry said, as he continued to observe his friends. "It's _me_ that has to worry about Death getting angry, not you guys. It's not like you two don't know it's me, so come on, let's go prank the rest of the school."

"I don't know Harry, Death might get mad at us just for going along with it." Neville replied in an uneasy tone.

"Are you two Gryffindorks are not?" Harry retorted. "Perhaps you should be resorted into Huffleduff then?"

That was all it took to bring Ron around, who immediately began sputtering in protest. Neville just stood there for a few more moments, before sighing loudly and looking towards the ceiling in an effort to seek out some sort of help, but he finally just shook his head.

"Merlin, I must be mad." He mumbled.

"Excellent!" Harry cried, then they made their way out the dorm room.

Hermione was waiting for them in the common room, which had suspiciously cleared out by the time they got in there. She was standing by the portrait hole with a displeased frown on her face, but Harry simply looked at her and grinned.

"Morning." He said with a cheery wave.

"Did you honestly have to scare Malfoy that badly? He came tearing down the stairs yelling about you using your metamorphmagus abilities to mock Death. Then people nearly lost their heads and almost killed themselves trying to get out of here." She said with a roll of her eyes.

"I'm not surprised." Neville mumbled, then explained to her why everyone had acted that way.

"Oh that's just silly." She replied. "Death is not some immortal being who sits on a throne looking for wizards to strike down for having a bit of fun. Death is simply a state you end up in when you die."

"Speak for yourself!" Ron cried. "He _is_ real!"

"So is Father Christmas." She said sarcastically, causing Ron to start sputtering again.

"Oh let's stop fighting and go have some fun." Harry said with a chuckle, then he exited out of the portrait hole before anyone could stop him.

As the four of them made their way down to the great hall, Harry took great pleasure in scaring the hell out of no less than twenty other students whom they had passed. Hermione fretted about getting in trouble over this little stunt, but Harry pointed out that he wasn't breaking any official school rules, seeing as he was still dressed in a school uniform, even if it had been enlarged to fit his seven foot 'Death' form. He also pointed out that there was nothing in the school rules that said you couldn't change your appearance.

Hermione then pointed out that there was such a rule, but Harry countered it by saying that the rule said you couldn't change your appearance by using _polyjuice potion_ , which he was not. She finally conceded to that, then she began mumbling about 'starting riots' and 'causing chaos', but Harry basically poo-pooed it all away and grinned as he led his friends into the great hall.

The silence that befell the room nearly made Harry burst out laughing. Tom, to Harry's disappointment, was nowhere to be seen, but considering the late night they had had, he really wasn't surprised, though Harry would like to have seen his reaction to what happened next.

The great hall was immediately thrown into chaos as most of the students began screaming, but because Harry was standing in the doorway, they simply sat in their seats while doing it. It sort of reminded Harry of what happened with the troll in real reality.

And all the screaming ended up ceasing in the exact same way when Dumbledore let off several loud blasts from his wand.

"SILENCE!" The Headmaster roared, causing everyone to focus their attention on him. "Given the fact that Mr. Longbottom, Mr. Weasley, and Miss Granger are accompanying this 'stranger', who, I might add, is dressed in an official school uniform, I'm going to assume that Mr. Potter is using his well-known abilities to ensure that everyone is officially awake this morning." He said, with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Well I'm certainly awake now." Minerva mumbled, as she raised a very shaky tea cup to her lips and eyed Harry somewhat fearfully.

"POTTER! You will cease this arrogant, attention seeking charade this instant!" Snape roared, while glaring daggers at Harry, and causing Dumbledore to close his eyes and shake his head.

Even though Harry and the others were still standing in the doorway, they could actually hear the exasperated sigh that escaped from the Headmaster's mouth as he sat in his seat at the head table.

It only made Harry snort, then he got another idea.

He subtlety cleared his throat, and began speaking in a creepy, overdramatic, gravelly voice.

"I'm here to claim the soul of Professor Snape." He said, while holding his arms out in front like a cartoon zombie.

This caused more than a few people to start giggling, despite the horrified looks on the faces of others. Most of the muggle borns and muggle raised started outright laughing, which also helped to ease the tension in the room.

However, Hermione actually face-palmed herself, which caused Neville to snort, which, in turn, caused Ron to burst out laughing, and Harry to start grinning like a lunatic, which seemed to unnerve more than a few people because of the sight.

He was sorry Tom was missing this. Especially when Dumbledore began to, not so quietly, chastise Snape, who definitely wasn't pleased to be on the receiving end of the reprimand.

To his utter shock though, Flitwick actually began to laugh as well.

"Ten points to Gryffindork Mr. Potter, for simply being brave enough to mock Death in such a manner. Not many wizards would."

" _No_ wizards would!" Neville corrected loudly.

"He's completely barmy, he is!" Ron added, which caused Harry to burst out laughing.

"Good morning everyone! I'm hungry, so I'm going to go eat now." He said cheerfully, then he made his way over to the Gryffindor table.

Some people shrank away from him as he made his way towards his seat, but Fred and George grinned at him as he passed by.

"Great work Harry!" George said as he clapped Harry on the back.

"Bloody brilliant that was. Not even we can cause chaos like that!" Fred added.

"And we know chaos!" They said in unison, causing Harry to laugh.

"It's all in good fun guys, but I'd like to see you two try to top this." Harry replied, then he made his way to his usual spot at the end of the table that was closest to the head table.

The twins stared at him with wide eyes, but then they grinned and put their heads together.

After that, things seemed to settle down a bit, but a few people did make a run for it once Harry had vacated the doorway.

For the next fifteen minutes breakfast went on as normal, but things once again became tense when the _Daily Prophet_ was delivered, and just like Harry had expected, there was a screaming headline about Sirius and Bella's escape.

 ** _Sirius Black and Bellatrix Lestrange Escape Azkaban!_**

 _In a shocking announcement this morning from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Amelia Bones has confirmed that the two highly dangerous criminals escaped Azkaban sometime late last night._

 _Speaking with reporters in the Ministry's Atrium shortly after the announcement, the Minister for Magic, Cornelius Fudge, had this to say about the situation._

 _"First of all, I would like to assure everyone that everything is well in hand. The Muggle Prime Minister has been alerted to the danger, and the muggle authorities, as well as their public, will be on the lookout for Black and Lestrange. I encourage all wizarding citizens to do the same. If you see either of these extremely dangerous people, you are encouraged to dispatch an owl immediately and inform the Department of Magical Law enforcement of their whereabouts. I expect they will be caught very quickly, due to the amount of people looking for them."_

 _Several questions were then posed to the Minister, one of which being 'How did this happen'?_

 _"We don't yet know how they managed to escape." The Minister replied. "I have not personally been to Azkaban Island yet, but Madam Bones, along with several Aurors, have. I now wish to give the floor to her." He replied, as Madam Bones stepped up to the podium._

 _"Not all of the facts and evidence have been looked through as of yet. There is still numerous unanswered questions that we simply don't have the answers to. We will, of course, keep the public updated as best we can."_

 _"What of the dementors!?" A reporter from the Wizarding Wireless asked. "What do they have to say?"_

 _"The dementors were unwilling to answer any of our questions, but eventually the Head Dementor did utter one single statement, though we are very reluctant to repeat it." Madam Bones replied._

 _"Tell us!" Several people demanded. "We have the right to know. Was You-Know-Who involved?"_

 _It was at this point when Madam Bones sighed reluctantly. "Very well then. The Head Dementor said, 'Death told us not to interfere.' We don't exactly know what it meant by that, and it would not elaborate. We did interview the other Death Eaters who were in the cells that surrounded both Black and Lestrange's, but they, as you can imagine, were less than helpful. As of right now, there is no evidence to suggest that You-Know-Who was involved in any way. Especially given what the Head Dementor said."_

 _"Does this mean Death himself has come to our world?" Another reporter asked._

 _"We simply do not know." Madam Bones replied._

 _The press conference ended shortly after that with more assurances that Black and Lestrange would be caught fairly quickly. We at the Daily Prophet promise to stay on top of this developing situation in order to bring you any updates._

 _For more information about Sirius Black, see page two._

 _For more information about Bellatrix Lestrange, see page three._

The great hall was dead silent as Harry finished reading the article, and he fought the urge to burst out laughing as he folded the paper and put it away.

Though, he nearly couldn't control himself when he looked up, because everyone in the great hall was staring at him.

"What!?" He asked loudly.

"You made Death angry!" One Hufflepuff accused.

"How?" Harry responded.

"By mocking him!" Several people cried, as several more ran from the room.

"I ask again, how? They escaped last night. It was only this morning when I decided to use my brilliant metamorphmagus abilities to mimic what Death looks like. They say that imitation is the best form of flattery. If there really is an immortal being called Death, I expect that he is highly amused by this turn of events, though I do admit that it does kind of suck for me, seeing as now you all are liable to blame me for what has happened. Even though it makes no sense whatsoever." Harry replied, causing more than a few people to begin whispering about what he said. "And for the record, I had nothing to do with any of this." He lied.

"Mr. Potter is correct." Dumbledore said, as he stood up from his seat. "There is no possible way that his actions this morning caused the events of last night, and I do not want to hear anything said otherwise. Now, if you all will excuse me, I have very important business to attend to."

It was then that Dumbledore cast a suspicious glance at Tom's vacant seat, but then he leaned down to whisper something to McGonagall, who simply nodded, though she looked rather tense.

However, to Harry's surprise, when Dumbledore left the head table he stopped by the Gryffindor table, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Though I must say Harry, it would be in your best interest to return to normal. I'm afraid that you will find, as you become more familiar with our world, that wizards sort of fall sort in the logic and common sense departments. The longer you walk around looking like Death, the more people will accuse you of having something to do with this, even though it is completely impossible."

"Yes sir." Harry said, immediately returning to normal.

"That's a good lad." Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye, then he made his way out of the great hall.

* * *

For the rest of the day, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville spent their time exploring the castle, lounging by the lake, and for three whole hours they poked around in the library, though the last one made Ron complain the whole time.

None of them saw Tom until later that afternoon, and it was only for a few minutes. The four of them rounded a corner and saw him talking to Dumbledore and Snape, who looked incredibly nervous to be standing there. However, at the sight of Harry and his friends, Snape began scowling at them.

"Potter," he snapped. "Have you and your friends nothing better to do than to wander around in circles? I've seen you pass this way no less than five times today!"

"Are you stalking me sir?" Harry challenged with a glare, causing Dumbledore to tense up and Tom to openly watch the confrontation with amusement.

"Of course not." Snape replied through gritted teeth, when Dumbledore loudly cleared his throat.

"Potter, what _are_ you doing?" Tom inquired kindly, causing Harry to smile at him.

"Well sir, we are just out exploring. We've been wandering around the grounds and castle all day. We took the time to get our homework done yesterday, so we have a lot of free time today."

"A natural thing to do in my opinion, but here is a little tip Potter. There is a shortcut on the fifth floor that leads right into the entrance hall. It's hidden by a painting of a man sitting in a chair, wearing a deerstalker hat, and smoking a pipe. The password is 'The game is afoot'." He said with a grin, causing Hermione to gasp.

"Sir, you don't think that he was really real do you? Could he have been a wizard?"

Tom laughed, but shook his head. "No Miss Granger, I'm afraid not. Sadly, Sherlock Holmes was nothing more than a fictional muggle character. I believe that the wizard in the painting was just a big fan."

"Oh, that is a bit disappointing." She said with a sigh, but then she also grinned. "It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly, one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts."

"One of my personal favorite quotes." Tom laughed. "If more wizards and witches would think like that, we'd be in a better place."

"I can already name a few wizards that would benefit from implementing that bit of sense." Harry said, shooting a pointed look at Snape, whose eyes grew dark with fury.

Tom however, burst out laughing. "Indeed Mr. Potter. Wizards need to implement logic. I believe magic has made us quite dumb and lazy. I have lived in America the past ten years, and honestly, I have found myself taking a step back and looking at the difference between muggles and wizards. As a half blood raised by muggles, a lot like yourself actually, I have seriously come to realize that muggles have more to offer us than most wizards care to admit. I challenge you Potter, and you Miss Granger, to hold onto your muggle culture because you will be some of the smartest people in your generation if you do." He said, causing Dumbledore and Snape to stare at him in open confusion, but Tom ignored them and continued.

"However, I must warn you both. Do not try and change the traditions and beliefs of wizards. That is the number one thing that gets the pure-bloods in an uproar and its why many of them hate muggle borns, muggle raised, and even half-bloods. In fact, just to prove that point, Miss Granger, I would like to challenge you to write me two essays." He suddenly said, causing Hermione to stare at him with wide eyes.

"How long do you wish them to be sir, and what should I write about?" She asked.

"They can be as long as you desire them to be, but please understand that these essays are completely voluntary, so you don't have to do them if you don't want to, but I challenge you to look up house elves. When you do, I want you write about how you feel about house elves and how you feel about the way they are looked upon by wizards. Then, for your second essay, I want you to look at house elves from a strictly pure blood view. Pretend you are a pure blood from an old family, get Mr. Malfoy to help you and tell him _I_ said for him to do it. When he has given his views and opinions on the matter, think about what he said, then think about the young, muggle born 'upstart' who wrote that first essay. I'll let you draw your own conclusions from there. Once you have done these essays, I do believe you will have a better understanding on why muggle borns, muggle raised, and some half-bloods are shunned in our world."

"Is there a time limit sir?" She asked, as her eyes began to sparkle with determination.

"Nope." Tom replied. "Just do them whenever you have time, turn them into me, and once I have looked them over, I'll talk with you about them. As you are carrying out this challenge though, I want you to always keep in mind that Sherlock Holmes quote you quoted."

"Yes sir! I'll start on it right away!" She said with enthusiasm, then she bolted down the corridor in the direction of the library.

"I don't know if you realize what you just did to our little Rowena." Harry chuckled.

"Hopefully saved a very bright child from years of scorn, heartache, grief, and pain Potter." Tom said sincerely.

Harry merely nodded. "I think I have an idea on what you did. Granted, I know nothing about house elves, but I know a little about how pure bloods feel about people like Rowena and I. You're comparing us to a foreign power who seeks to destroy everything from traditions and beliefs, to a wizard's very way of life. You want her to see that, and realize what a mistake it would be to try and change things, because those whom she seeks to change will fight back."

"Exactly Potter." Tom nodded, but then he turned to Neville and Ron. "As for the two of you, I know that having her work with Mr. Malfoy is a bit surprising, but given who he is and what his family is like, I figured he would prove to be a good extreme. However, I want the two of you to give her a more balanced view on the subject."

"We have house elves at Longbottom Manor sir, so I think I have a pretty good idea on what you may be trying to get her to see." Neville said with a nod.

"She's going to think house elves are simply slaves." Dumbledore whispered loudly, as he looked at Tom in shock.

"It's what I thought when I came into the wizarding world and first learned of them." Tom replied. "At first I was appalled, but then I was basically brainwashed into viewing them as nothing more than creatures without feelings. When I lived in America, I began to see things differently." He added mysteriously, but then he turned to Harry. "As for you Potter, I do have to say that your detention, which Professor Snape is still kindly letting me oversee, will be held in my classroom at seven tonight."

"I'll be there sir." He replied with a slight sigh of disappointment, which caused Tom to chuckle.

"Very well, off you go then." Tom said with a shooing motion, then watched as Harry, Ron, and Neville shuffled off down the hallway.

* * *

"Its rotten luck that Professor Riddle couldn't get you out of detention altogether." Ron said as soon as they were back inside the Gryffindor common room.

"Yeah, I know, but something tells me it won't be much of a detention, seeing as Professor Riddle is brilliant." Harry replied.

"I think you might be right Harry." Neville said with a grin, but Harry noticed that his grin didn't extend to his eyes like it normally did.

"Are you all right Neville? You seem to be out of sorts today."

"No, not really." Came the despondent reply.

Harry had a feeling he knew why Neville was so quiet, but he waited for Neville to continue.

"Do you all remember me telling you what happened to my parents?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"Well Bellatrix Lestrange was one of the Death Eaters who tortured them. They are in St. Mungo's, and she's now running around free. She should still be behind bars where she belongs." He said with an angry scowl.

Harry felt a pang of guilt shoot through his body, but he dismissed it quickly. He knew he wasn't going to restore Neville's memories of all his past lives simply to ease his pain, because Harry knew that once Neville learned the truth, he would laugh about it.

To Harry's great shock, about three hundred years after he became Death, Neville ended up actually becoming a Dark Lord. What resulted was a downright nasty war that nearly led to the muggles finding out about magic. When Neville had been killed, he had appeared before Harry and both of them ended up talking about it for several hours in The Void.

I mean, after all, this is Neville Longbottom. Who would ever suspect that he could do anything like that?

Not Neville, that's for sure.

He ended up having a near nervous breakdown, and Harry had to actually talk him out of becoming a ghost. Neville reasoned that if he became a ghost that he could never cause that kind of destruction again, but Harry was eventually able to talk some sense into him. By the time it was time for Neville to leave The Void, the two of them were laughing and joking about the whole thing, and Neville finally admitted, though rather sheepishly, that it had actually been a lot of fun to play the bad guy for a change.

Not that he ever wanted to do it again though.

So Harry knew that once Neville learned the truth, he would be ok with it. After all, his parents had had many next great adventures since then, and there was this one time that Harry _may_ have manipulated things to where Neville ended up having Frank and Alice for parents again.

Not that he admitted to doing such things you understand.

However, he did make a mental note about talking with Bella about Frank and Alice's current condition. After all, in a strange twist of fate, she had found a cure for tortured victims a few lives ago when she ended up a healer.

As far as Harry was concerned, it would only be fitting for her to be the one to set them right again.

"Do you think she and Black will really be caught?" Ron asked, looking a little worried about the whole thing.

"Only time will tell." Harry replied.

"I hope Bellatrix, at least, gets caught." Neville added with a sigh, as he gazed out the window. "Because if I ever run across her, I can't promise I won't kill her." He added, causing Ron to stare at him in horror, and Harry to simply smirk.

* * *

The rest of the day was spent studying and playing games in the common room. The games they played were mostly standard ones like chess, exploding snap, and gobstones, but Harry also disappeared to the dorm to grab more games that he had 'brought from home'. He brought back Monopoly, Yahtzee, Checkers, Uno, Twister, and suspiciously, a full-scale professional Bingo game set up that he, admittedly, swiped from a bingo hall in London.

Though, he did have to confund a few people who began questioning just _how_ he managed to stuff all the daubs, cards, balls, ball cage, and everything else related to the game into his school trunk.

By the time dinner rolled around, all of Gryffindor Tower, minus Draco, Percy, and Hermione, was involved in a game of Bingo. It started when Harry explained all the rules to Ron and Neville, but once they had played a small round or two, it expanded into the full game when some of the others wanted in. People bought their Bingo cards using quills, inks pots, parchment, sweets, galleons, sickles, knuts, and in Fred and George's case, a bag of dungbombs.

They tried using underwear at first, but Harry wouldn't allow that since he elected to be the ball caller. He also wouldn't let anyone put in more than one galleon since this was everyone's first game. He also didn't want any of the children to develop a gambling habit, or lose too much money.

Percy tried to put a stop to it, but when one of the other prefects, a seventh year, threatened to lock him in a broom cupboard, he ceased immediately and stomped out of the common room in a huff.

They were halfway through the jackpot round, which was the last round, when the portrait hole opened and a frantic McGonagall burst in, with a concerned Dumbledore, an indifferent Snape, and an amused looking Tom trailing after her. When she spied the entire house facing the fireplace, where Harry had set up the ball cage and the main board with the already called balls, she went from frantic, to upset, then to relieved.

"Professors!" Harry exclaimed, causing all the students to look up from their cards.

"Mr. Potter!" She cried. "What is going on!? It is fifteen minutes into dinner, and my whole house, with the exception of Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley, and Mr. Malfoy, is missing from the great hall!"

"Oh!" Harry said in a truly shocked tone. "We must have lost track of time! I'm so sorry! We are almost finished though." He explained.

"Finished with what?" She demanded. "Mr. Weasley said you all are playing something called Bingo. He couldn't explain what it was really, but Professor Riddle said it was nothing to worry about."

 _Which explains why all of you are freaking out._ Harry thought with a grin. "Well, he's right." He answered out loud. "Bingo is a muggle game that I brought from home. I can explain the rules and concept to you later, but right now we are in the jackpot round. We are almost finished though. You are, of course, welcome to observe the last little bit, just so you know it isn't dangerous."

She eyed all of them sternly, as if trying to detect any shenanigans, but then she nodded and took a seat at the back of the room. Dumbledore began wandering around and inspecting the Bingo cards, while Snape and Tom continued to stand in the doorway. Tom was leaning against the wall, with his arms folded across his chest and smirking, while Snape glared hatefully at Harry.

Harry ignored them though, and went back to the game.

"N35." He called out loudly, when the new ball was spit out of the ball cage.

Dumbledore watched as a few people used the colorful daubers to mark the number on their cards, before coming up to the front to inspect the balls and the ball cage. He watched with interest as Harry turned the handle of the ball cage, and seemed surprised when another ball was spit out of it.

"B15." Harry called out again.

This went on for a few more minutes, but when Harry called out 'G53' Katie Bell jumped out of her seat.

"BINGO!" She shouted, causing a few people to groan, while others applauded politely.

"I was one away! I needed I24!" A sixth year shouted, though he was laughing while he said it.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Katie exclaimed, as she danced her way towards Harry, so that he could check her card against the balls that had been called.

"She got it!" Harry cried happily, causing Katie to jump around some more. "She gets all the money that has been put in, plus fifteen chocolate frogs, a box of Bertie Bots Every Flavor Beans, an ink pot with color changing ink, and two sugar quills!" He announced for the benefit of the Professors, who were eyeing him and Katie curiously.

"Katie, why are you so happy to get the money? I mean, we would be too, but you seem to be overly happy." George commented with a laugh, when she seized the money first.

"What?" She asked somewhat distractedly. "Oh, this puts me even closer to my goal of getting a Nimbus 2000!" She explained excitedly. "With this money, I am ten galleons away from my goal."

"What!?" Oliver Wood cried. "A Nimbus 2000!?"

"Yeah." She answered with a bright smile. "They cost eighty galleons, and I begged my parents to get me one, but they said I had to save up at least forty galleons, then they would supply the rest. With these winnings, and what I have saved up so far, by Christmas I should have enough to get the broom! I always get money from my Grandparents, so when the second half of the season starts, we will have a Nimbus 2000 on the team!" She exclaimed, as she began to dance around again.

"How much did you say you were short?" Harry asked suddenly.

"Ten galleons, why?" She asked, stopping to look at him.

He grinned at her, reached into his pocket, and pulled out his money pouch. Then he counted out ten galleons and handed them to her.

"Take it. That way you can get the broom before the season even starts." He said, as her mouth fell open in shock.

"Potter, I can't take…You might need…"

"Consider it a loan. You said you get money for Christmas, so just pay me back when you get it." He said with a shrug, causing her to squeal loudly.

"I will Potter! I will." She cried, then she faced the rest of the house. "Gryffindork is getting a Nimbus 2000 on the team!" She cried, causing instant chaos to erupt in the common room as people began cheering.

She turned back around and hugged Harry tightly, then kissed him on the cheeks a few times as a thank you, but then Oliver and the rest of the Quidditch team surrounded her. Oliver began talking really fast about changes to improve chaser positions, but Harry just chuckled and began packing up the Bingo stuff, as the room emptied and everyone headed off to dinner.

McGonagall looked happy about the news of the Nimbus, and she finally slipped out the portrait hole with a smile on her face. Snape left with a scoff when Harry gave Katie the money, but Tom only chuckled before following him out. Dumbledore, on the other hand, smiled proudly at him and patted him lightly on the back.

"That was a very nice thing for you to do Harry. I do believe you may have made Miss Bell's day with that generous offer." He said, as he watched Harry put the balls back into the cage.

"Well, it was the least I could do." He shrugged. "I'm sure she will pay me back."

"I am as well." Dumbledore replied with a twinkle in his eye. "Will you briefly explain to me what this game is all about? I must admit, I am very intrigued by it."

"Well, it's a muggle game." Harry began, and explained the game as they headed to the great hall.

* * *

Dinner was spent with Hermione half ranting about house elves and how they were slaves, and half ranting about 'promoting gambling in the common room'. Harry explained to her that, while Bingo _was_ a form of gambling, he was not making people give up money in order to buy the cards. In fact, most of the stuff people used were sweets and school supplies, and Katie only won the equivalent of about seven galleons total, once all the knuts and sickles were added together.

She seemed to come around when he mentioned Dumbledore's interest in the game, because while talking to the Headmaster about it, Harry had suggested that Hogwarts host a school wide 'Bingo Friday', in which students could use whatever they had to buy cards. Considering that most of it would probably be sweets, Dumbledore had agreed and even expressed interest in playing it himself.

Harry explained to her that he did inform Dumbledore of the drawbacks, seeing as Bingo was mostly a game of chance and luck, and it was only after that when she finally dropped the subject.

The rest of dinner was quiet and normal, with the exception of Hermione still prattling on about house elves. Ron and Neville did their best to ignore her, but Harry finally looked at her and repeated the Sherlock Holmes quote, which caused her to pause in her ranting.

Neville then told her to think about the assignment Tom had given her, and that was when it all seemed to click for her.

"I think I now understand what Professor Riddle is getting at." She said somberly as she picked at her food.

"Are you still going to do the essays?" Harry asked.

"Yes, I think I will, if only to make sure I understand everything he's trying to get me to learn." She said. "But you know what?" She added as an afterthought. "I'm rather glad he's letting me discover this somewhat on my own, instead of just trying to tell me outright."

"He wants you to do the research so you can learn from it." Harry commented.

"Yes, I think he is." She said with a nod. "He pointed me in the right direction and set up guidelines, but he is making me do all the leg work so I can learn it."

"Well, he is a Professor." Neville said with a chuckle. "It's what they do."

"Too true." Ron echoed. "I'm just glad it's not me doing the essays though." He added, causing them all to laugh loudly.

* * *

Just before the end of dinner, Dumbledore and Snape both left the table together. From his seat, Harry just barely caught Snape say something about an experimental potion he was working on, and that he wanted the Headmaster's opinion on it.

They weren't fooling anyone with that little lie, but Tom pretended to buy it and simply ignored them.

However, thirty minutes later, Harry found himself standing in the hall outside Tom's classroom. He was now ready for his detention, and he was grinning from ear to ear.

There were five people already in the room, and Harry guessed that only one of them was visible. Sirius and Bella were sitting on the stairs that led up to Tom's office, so they were out of the way of being discovered by Dumbledore and Snape, who were sitting on a bench in a dark corner at the back of the classroom.

Harry couldn't help but snort.

He finally opened the door and walked in with a grin. Sure enough, Tom was sitting behind his desk, and showed no signs of knowing that the other four were in the room, though he probably knew Sirius and Bella were there too.

"Hello sir." Harry said cheerfully.

"Potter." Tom acknowledged with a nod. "Just so you know, detentions have to be at least an hour long, so with that said, I'm simply going to have you write five lines, and the rest of the time were are going to talk about a few things."

"That sounds reasonable sir." Harry replied, as he sat down and removed an ink pot, quill, and a spare piece of parchment from the small bag he brought with him.

"I must admit that I was going to have you write, 'Greasy bats deserve to have books thrown at them', but I'm afraid I'd get in trouble with the Headmaster if I did such a thing." Tom said with a smile, which caused Harry to grin. "Instead, I want you to write 'I will not throw books, least I suffer the wrath of Madam Pince'.

Harry burst out laughing. "She's the librarian, isn't that right sir? I must admit, I'm still trying to remember all the staff's names."

Tom smiled and nodded. "Yes, she is the librarian, and she is a very stern woman who loves her books and will not hesitate to disembowel someone for mistreating them." He said with a chuckle.

"From what I've heard upper years say, you may not be far from the truth." Harry laughed, but then he took a few minutes to scribble down the five simple lines, before handing them to Tom.

Tom glanced over them to check for spelling and punctuation, then he simply placed the parchment aside.

When he looked back up, he noticed that Harry was sitting kind of scrunched up with his arms and hands held close to his chest, but as soon as Harry noticed that he was watching, he began to use sign language.

'Dumbledore…Snape…bench…back of room.'

From their position on the stairs, Harry knew Bella and Sirius could see the message too, but Tom simply nodded, without glancing in that direction.

"Well," he said with another nod, "those lines seem to be in order, so let's talk now."

"About what sir?" Harry asked curiously.

"Your lies Potter." Tom simply said, though it was said in a gentle and concerned tone.

Since Snape and Dumbledore were behind him, Harry raised an eyebrow and smirked, but then his expression changed to one of shock and his voice took on a slightly panicked tone.

"L-lies, s-sir?" He stuttered.

"Yes Potter." Tom said gravely. "I want you to know, that I know, you are lying about your relatives and your home life."

Harry narrowed his eyes and stuck his tongue out. 'Damn you. This means payback.' He signed, but out loud he said, "Sir, I don't know what you are talking about. My family is great and they…"

"Potter, stop right there. Please don't lie to me." He replied softly, yet sternly. "I want to try and help you, but I can't do that if you keep lying to me."

Harry stood up quickly and tried to run out of the room, but Tom uttered a quick freezing charm, thereby immobilizing him. He stood frozen and unable to move, but Tom swiftly made his way over to him, picked him up, and carried Harry back to his seat.

"Sit." Tom ordered, after he canceled the charm.

"Sir, what was that?" Harry asked with wide eyes.

"The freezing charm, and its incantation is 'Immobulus', but stop trying to change the subject." Tom replied with his 'Voldemort glare'.

Harry hung his head and started to cry. "How do you even know that I have been lying sir?" He asked, while furiously trying to dry his eyes. "I've hid it so well!"

Tom sighed and shook his head. "In your short time of being back in the wizarding world, have you read anything about mind magic?" He asked, but when Harry shook his head no, he nodded.

He took a few minutes to explain occlumency and legilimency to the 'clueless eleven year old', but by the time he was done, Harry was staring at him in horror.

"So you can read my mind?" He asked. "Can everyone do that?"

"No they can't, but legilimency is not reading someone's mind, per say. It involves looking at memories. The mind cannot be read like a book."

"Oh." Harry simply said.

"However, there are two people here that are masters at both, like I am, and they are the Headmaster and Snape." Tom said, as he leaned back in his seat.

"Snape!" Harry cried in a frantic tone.

"Yes." Tom said with a sigh.

"I can't let him…he can't find out…he will…" Harry said in a rush, but Tom held up his hand.

"Breathe Potter. Now calmly say what you have to say."

"Snape already mocks me because of my fame and because of my dead parents, but if he ever finds out about my true home life…" Harry began to say, but then he bit his lip.

"How long were you forced to live in that small cupboard under the stairs?" Tom asked suddenly.

Harry hung his head in shame. "Ten years." He said, as he looked up with tears in his eyes. "I was starved, beaten, and locked in there when I did freakish things."

"Freakish things?" Tom asked, suddenly growing extremely angry.

"Yes sir." Harry said as he wiped his nose on his robe sleeve. "I now know that those freakish things were accidental magic, but sir, it was so bad that I didn't even know my full name until I started in muggle school, because up until then I was called 'boy' or 'freak'. My cousin's favorite game was 'Harry Hunting', and if he caught me, he beat me up. I never had any friends until I came here, because he would always chase them away. I was never allowed to celebrate Christmas, I never had a real birthday party, and the truth is, I didn't even know when my birthday actually was, until Hagrid came that night to give me my letter!" He exclaimed as he jumped up, but then he collapsed back into his seat and started sobbing loudly.

"Did they ever tell you what happened to your parents?" Tom asked, as he tried to reign in his temper, which was causing his magic to lash out a bit.

This, of course, was all for show, and both Harry and Tom, along with Bella and Sirius, knew that, but Snape and Dumbledore didn't. They were still sitting at the back of the room, but both of them were staring at Harry and Tom in a stunned state of shock.

Harry was sort of mad at Tom though, because this ruined some of his plans a bit, so he started to think quickly and an idea finally came to him.

"They said Mum and Dad died in a car crash, but I knew the truth because of what Mum's last words were. I always knew my Aunt and Uncle were lying about that, but I didn't _dare_ say it. I was afraid my Uncle would kill me if I did. He tried to on a number of occasions. He once kicked me so hard in the ribs that he broke a few, and there was the one time where one of my ribs actually punctured my lung. When he did that, he shoved me into my cupboard and locked the door. If I hadn't puffed to the hospital, I'd be dead right now."

Tom blinked owlishly at him. "Puff? What is that?"

"I don't know how I do it, but I can disappear from one place and reappear in another place instantly."

"It's called apparition Potter, but getting back to…"

"No. It's not apparition." Harry replied. "One of the things I read about was magical transportation. There's brooms, portkeys and apparition, but 'puffing' isn't any of those things."

Tom furrowed his brow in confusion. "Then what is it?"

"I don't know." Harry shrugged. "The book said apparition feels like you're being squeezed through a tube, and when you apparate it makes a loud noise, or a soft noise, depending on how skilled you are at doing it, but puffing isn't anything like that. I disappear in a puff of black smoke, and reappear somewhere else the same way. It's like this…"

He proceeded to puff all over the classroom as a demonstration, but Tom took it all in stride and just stared at him in shock.

"I don't know how I do it, but if I hadn't learned how, I would have starved by now." Harry continued miserably, as he slowly sat back down in his seat. "What you see right now, is truly how I really look, but before Hagrid came to get me, I had to use my metamorphmagus abilities to trick the Dursleys into thinking they were succeeding in, as they called it, 'stamping the magic out of me'."

"Excuse me?!" Tom cried, as he jumped up in rage. "Do those muggles have any idea how bad that could have been?"

"They wouldn't have cared, even if it killed me, but that is what they tried to do." Harry said sadly, as his eyes once again welled up with tears. "I puffed out of my cupboard every night to steal food from the local supermarket. I also stole food from fast food shops, from nice restaurants, and basically anywhere that had food, just so I wouldn't starve. When I was beaten badly, I puffed to the hospital, but I used my metamorphmagus abilities to hide the fact that I was just a kid."

Tom began to take several deep breaths, in order to calm himself down, but Harry just smirked and bit his lip to keep from laughing.

He had to admit, Tom's acting skills were pretty good.

"Potter," Tom said through clinched teeth. "Why in the bloody hell did you not go to the police and report their arses for child abuse?"

"I was a freak!" Harry cried desperately. "I knew I was different, because of what I remembered my Mum saying the night she was killed, but I did not know I was a wizard. When I told Hagrid about Aunt Petunia saying all that stuff, that day in the great hall, I was just making crap up. At the time though, I was young, and all I knew was that I was a freak! My Uncle always told me that the police would never help a freak!"

"And you believed him!?" Tom cried.

"I was four!" Harry shouted, as tears continued to flow down his cheeks. "And even now, I can't help but wonder if he was right!"

Tom sighed loudly, rubbed his hands over his face, but then he took a deep breath. "Okay, okay, just calm down…we both have to calm down. I need to think about what to do, but I'm not letting you go back to that house."

"You don't have to worry." Harry said bitterly. "They've moved already."

"What?"

Harry sighed and rolled his eyes. "When they dropped me off at King's Cross to catch the train, we were all riding in a big moving van. They already sold the house, and told me never to darken their door step again. They didn't even tell me where they were going."

Tom stared at him. "Then what…"

"I don't know." Harry said, cutting him off before he could finish. "I've asked around about Christmas, and I've learned that I can stay here for that holiday, but when summer comes…I just don't know."

"I'll think of something by then, but in the meantime, I really do think you should go to the Headmaster…"

"No." Harry said in an angry tone. "No one else can know about this. If Professor Dumbledore were to find out, he'd just tell Snape, and Snape…can…not…know."

"Why do you think Dumbledore would tell Snape?" Tom asked, as he leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers.

"He hired the Death Eater, and he seems very fond of him." Harry replied simply.

"I see." Tom said with a slight smirk. "So you don't trust him."

"Not entirely, but I do like him." Harry explained. "Professor Dumbledore seems like a really good person, almost grandfatherly. I just don't know why he would hire a Death Eater. That leaves me a bit leery of the man."

Tom stared at the ceiling for a moment, as if lost in thought, but then he looked at Harry closely.

"That understandable I suppose, but why haven't you told your friends about this? Surely they would afford you room and board for the summer."

"They can't know." Harry said sadly. "I'm the bloody Boy-Who-Lived. I'm _famous_." He said, as he rolled his eyes. "I'm a _hero_. I'm all these things for something I can't really remember, and I have to act the way they think I should. That's why I act the way I do. If they found out I was homeless..." He said, letting his voice trail off as he shook his head.

"You have a reputation to up hold." Tom said, as he nodded in understanding.

"Yeah." Harry replied with a scoff. "I hate it though. I really do. You know, people say old What's-His-Name shot a killing curse at me, but I don't know if he really did. I don't remember anything that happened after he killed Mum, but if no one can survive the killing curse, it makes me think he didn't even cast the bloody thing at me. Something else happened that night, because I really don't think it happened the way people said it did. I personally think Mortevold was simply going to kidnap me. He didn't want to kill Mum, that much I know, and I truly think he would have taken her and me, if she had just moved out of his way. I also think someone else was there that night and they scared him off before he could grab me."

"Maybe there was." Tom conceded. "But it makes me wonder about the cut on your forehead. How did it get there?"

"The only thing I know about this scar, is what a muggle university Professor said to me one day while I was in a supermarket trying to steal food." Harry said.

"Oh really?" Tom said, as he sat up in his chair.

"Yeah. I was in a hurry, so I didn't disguise myself and he saw my scar. He told me he studied runes at the nearby university. I asked what runes were, and he said it was the old language of the Vikings and various others. He went on to say that this lightning bolt represents 'sowilo', and it stands for the word sun, s-u-n not s-o-n." He clarified, causing Tom to nod. "According to him it means light, hope, confidence, success, and more importantly, honor." He said as he shook his head. "I don't know how a got this scar, but ever since learning about Mortevold, magic, wizards, and everything else, I wonder if Mortevold did it. I think he marked me with this rune for a reason." He added with a slight smirk and a wink.

Tom chuckled and actually grinned happily. "He might have Potter, but if Mortevold was a dark, evil wizard, why did he give you a mark that represents light?"

Harry scoffed and threw up his hands. "I don't know."

"Maybe that is something to look into." Tom said with a grin. "We could make it a project that we will work on together. Perhaps we could study what it could magically mean."

"I'd like that sir!" Harry exclaimed happily. "But you know, the only thing I really know about Mortevold is what people have told me. He killed my Mum and Dad and a bunch of other people, good people from what I understand. I know he wanted to take over the wizarding world, but no one has said why. Did he want to change things so that he could simply be an evil overlord, or did he have a real agenda that was good, and people just misunderstood him? Did he want to make changes that people weren't ready for, and he used dark magic to try and achieve his goals? Did the lure of dark magic, which I have read about, trap him and he didn't have a way out? Was he so trapped by his liking for dark magic, that he simply could no longer tell the difference between right and wrong? Why did he target me and my parents? Why did he mark me? Did he regret his past actions, and would he have ever made amends? There is just so much that I do not understand." He finally finished with a sigh, as he shook his head in frustration.

Tom was making a good showing of staring at Harry, for the benefit of Dumbledore and Snape, but then he sighed deeply.

"I wish I could answer those questions for you Potter." He said quietly. "I really do."

"I know you can't though." Harry chuckled. "It's not like you're Mortevold and can actually answer them anyway." He added with a laugh.

Tom chuckled. "Indeed."

They both sat in silence for a few minutes, but Tom finally cast the time spell and realized that they had been talking for nearly an hour and a half.

"Well Potter, I think this concludes your detention. I will keep your secrets and not discuss them with anyone that doesn't already know about them." He said, with a slight smirk that Harry pretended he didn't notice. "In the meantime, seeing as you can leave Hogwarts pretty much whenever you want, I'll let people continue to think you brought that Bingo game from home."

"Figured that out, did you?" Harry asked, as he sheepishly rubbed the back of his head.

"Yes, I did." Tom chuckled as he stood up. "And perhaps I'll even take part in 'Bingo Fridays'."

Harry just grinned at him. "I grabbed other muggle games too. I always saw Dudley and his friends play them, but I was never allowed to join in, or even touch them. They always looked fun, so I took advantage and grabbed them from the toy shop too. I did leave money behind though, now that I actually have some, so I didn't _really_ steal them. Between the time Hagrid dropped me back off at the Dursleys, and the time school started, I puffed back to Gringotts so that I could exchange some wizard money for muggle money. Now I don't have to steal anymore. That's also when I bought more books about charms and stuff, and how I knew about the engorgement charm to make my robes bigger."

"That's fine. As long as you now pay for whatever you take." Tom said with a nod, and a stern look. "But you should be off. I have papers to grade. However, if you _do_ leave school, please be careful."

"Yes sir, and thank you Professor. I don't know why, but it feels good to have someone I can talk to. I'm glad someone knows my secret. Thank you." He repeated, then, to the shock and horror of Snape and Dumbledore, he puffed over to Tom and gave him a big hug.

"You're welcome." Tom replied with a chuckle, as he returned the hug.

"Sorry." Harry mumbled when he stepped away. "I-I-I…"

"It's fine Potter." Tom said gently. "I can guess you have never given, or even received, many of those in your life."

"No, not really." He admitted, as he shook his head.

Tom simply nodded as he gazed at Harry sadly, but just as Harry picked up his bag, he turned away from the bench in the back, so that Snape and Dumbledore couldn't see his face, and grinned wickedly at Tom.

"Sir, there is just one more thing I need to tell you."

"What?" Tom asked, looking at Harry while trying to keep his face from showing any suspicion.

"I can speak to snakes too." He said, with a gleam in his eye. "They find me. Whisper things. Is that normal for someone like me?" He asked, parroting a moment right out of Tom's past, and one that would certainly shock the pants off Dumbledore.

"Uh…umm…I-I-I…" Tom stuttered, as he tried to quickly think up something to say.

"So I am a freak then." Harry said sadly, and before Tom could say anything, he puffed away.

Tom so desperately wanted to burst out laughing at that point, but he didn't dare, simply because Snape and Dumbledore were still in the room. Thankfully though, Bella took off her invisibility cloak, canceled her disillusionment charm, and she and Sirius began to play their parts in this charade.

"My Lord," she asked breathlessly. "What could that mean!? The boy is a Parselmouth just like you!"

"I don't know Bella." Tom replied calmly, as he continued to stare at the spot where Harry disappeared from. "I'll have to figure that out."

"What did you do to my godson that night!?" An angry male voice demanded.

"I didn't do anything to him Black, but I will say, Potter is more right in his thoughts about that night than he actually knows." Tom replied coolly. "However, you'd be wise to keep a decent tongue in your head when speaking to me."

"I never asked you to break me out. The very fact that I am even near you is repulsive to me." Sirius snapped, as he too finally revealed himself.

Tom glared at him. "But I did break you out, and now you have solid proof of what I have told you, of how Potter's life has been up till now."

Sirius sighed loudly and sat down at a nearby desk. "Yes, yes I do." He said sadly as he shook his head. "But you still killed my best friend and you still killed Lily." He accused, as Bella glared hatefully at him.

"Let me curse the blood-traitor Master." She said hopefully.

Tom, though, turned his glare on her. "I've already told you Bella. My ways have somewhat changed. Get on board with my new agenda, or I will kill you. Now, watch what you say."

"Forgive me my Lord." She said, as she bowed and kissed his robes. "I go where you go, do as you wish, and I will follow you forever."

Tom smirked at her. "Even if I told you to divorce Rodolphus and marry a muggle?"

She swallowed thickly, and sort of made a face at the thought, but she nodded. "Of course My Lord. Anything for you."

"Hmm." Was his only reply, but then he turned to Sirius, who scoffed at the display. "So Black, despite hating me, are you willing to help me for Potter's benefit?"

Sirius sighed loudly, and sadly looked towards where Harry had been sitting. "As long as I don't have to kill anyone, become a filthy Death Eater, kiss your arse, or bow down to you, because if I do, I will take Harry and run."

Tom just smirked at him. "Does the 'no killing anyone' extend to your old friend Pettigrew?"

"Don't talk to me about that bastard." Sirius replied hotly. "You very well know he was the secret keeper, not me. I would have died before I gave up my friend's whereabouts."

"I know, but I have already spoken to Pettigrew. I told him I was going to break you out, and that I would obliviate that particular knowledge. It's because of Potter that I actually haven't done that, or planted false memories into your head, thereby making you think you did it. You will have to pretend that you forgot it when you see Pettigrew again."

"Well if _someone_ hadn't been a murdering psychopath to begin with, Harry wouldn't need any help." Sirius snipped. "And I wouldn't have to pretend."

"Keep your tongue civil cousin, and show respect for the freedom the Dark Lord has given you." Bella growled with warning.

Sirius just glared at her, but Tom simply chuckled.

"Now, now." He said smoothly. "You both are family."

"Don't remind me." They both said together, causing Tom to chuckle again.

"Well let's try to get along, shall we?" He said, though it was more of a command than a request.

"So what do we do about Harry?" Sirius asked. "I have no doubt that he will find out the lie about me being the secret keeper, so how do we go about convincing him of the truth?"

"I don't know just yet." Tom replied as he stared at the ceiling in thought. "Let me weigh each scenario and its consequences to figure out the best way. In the meantime, use the floo in my office to get back to the hideout. After I have spent more time with Potter, I will judge his feelings about you and hint about your lack of trial. If I can get him to lose faith in the Ministry because of it, that will go a long way into furthering my plans, and it might be enough to sway him to my side."

"Tell me one thing." Sirius said as he glared at Tom. "What are your plans for my godson? Are you going to kill him? Are you trying to turn him dark?"

Tom simply laughed. "Come now Black, I can't go blabbing everything now can I?"

"I don't trust you." Sirius growled. "If you hurt a hair on his head…"

"You'll what?" Tom asked coldly. "Kill me? I'd like to see you try."

Sirius simply scoffed, before stomping up the stairs. However, before Sirius could disappear through the door, Tom called out to him.

"Oh, one more thing Black." He said in an amused tone. "You should know that Potter has taken to calling Severus Snivellus. From what I understand, he found a diary that belonged to his father in his Gringotts vault. I think the name of 'Snivellus Greasy Snape' is what tipped him off."

Sirius burst out laughing. "That's my godson!" He shouted happily, before disappearing through the door.

"I don't trust him Master." Bella said with a snarl, as she watched Sirius leave. "We should have just killed him."

"I don't trust him either Bella, but I need him for various reasons and as long as I am close to Potter, Black will do as I say. Remind him though, who it was that got him out of Azkaban, and who has the power to send him back."

"Yes My Lord." She said with a bow, but then she too went up the stairs when Tom dismissed her with a wave.

Tom sat there with a smirk on his face, and leaned back in his chair, but he fought to keep from laughing. He could only imagine what Snape and Dumbledore were thinking right about now, and it amused him at how much Snape was going to start kissing his arse, just to be able to find out what his plans were.

* * *

 ***A/N* I really do think this is the longest chapter I have ever written for any of my stories! It's 18,000 words without including the A/Ns! I know that's a lot, but there was just so much that I needed to get into this chapter, and I didnt want to break it up, as I said before.**

 **Anyway, now that the stage is fully set, you will see the story start to move forward. The next chapter will have Snape and Dumbledore's reaction to everything, plus Halloween, pranks, and more cracky goodness.**

 **Along with 'Bingo Friday', how does having a Twister competition in the great hall sound? *snorts***

 **Also, please remember this is a crack fic so things are going to be insane. Things will happen that are not canon compliant, so don't be surprised if Harry, or Tom for that matter, shows up with a 1991 style boombox and a shoe box full of mixed tapes. (for those of you who are too young to know what those things are, just google them!) LOL!**

 **To answer a question though, one of my reviewers asked about Helga Hufflepuff. We know that Hermione is/was Rowena, Dumbledore is/was Godric, and Grindelwald is/was Salazar, but they were wondering about Helga. All I have to say about that is...all in good time my dears, all in good time! Hahaha!**

 **Until next time my friends!**


	7. Fun with Runes & Surprise Revelations

**Chapter 7**

 **Fun with Runes & Surprise Revelations**

It had been almost six weeks since Harry's detention with Tom and all was peaceful, until Harry woke up one morning, shortly after his talk with Peter, and found the map had been placed into his trunk. Harry had been delighted, so he made four copies. One went to Bella and Sirius, one went to Tom, one went back to the twins, so they wouldn't know it had been stolen, and Harry kept the original.

Sirius and Bella cast the unplottable charm over themselves, while Harry did the same for Peter. It made much better sense that way, and Peter was grateful for it.

Then the pranks began.

In one fell swoop all four houses were pranked. The Gryffindor common room was changed to green and silver, Ravenclaw's common room was turned red and gold, Hufflepuff's was done in bronze and blue, while Slytherin's common room was changed to yellow and black. The four Heads of House were either highly amused, slightly upset, tickled, or downright murderous, depending on who they were.

After everything had been put back to the way it was, Slytherin house woke up one morning to find that all of their common room furniture had been stolen. After a short search, the furniture was discovered to be suspended above the center of the Black Lake, and held there by a rope net attached to a large green and silver hot-air balloon. No one had any idea where the balloon came from, or even what it was, until an amused Tom and a few helpful muggle borns told them what it was.

Snape was so irate that he tried to summon the net and all the furniture, but because it was charmed a certain way, by a certain scythe wielding demon, the rope net simply burst open and sent the furniture crashing into the lake.

It took twenty-four hours, and a lot of drying charms, before Slytherin house could put their common room back in order, but no one ever figured out where the balloon came from.

Hermione, and all of Ravenclaw, got upset when the entire Hogwarts library went missing. The room was still there, but the books had all vanished, and they didn't reappear until twelve hours later.

Madam Pince needed more than one calming draught during that stunt.

Madam Pomfrey got upset when she found the entire hospital wing had been turned upside down. All the beds were stuck to the ceiling, as well as all the chairs, nightstands, and her potions cabinet.

(Though Sirius and Bella checked to make sure there were no sick or injured people in there when they did it.)

Dumbledore laughed himself silly when he came to breakfast one morning and found the great hall had been outlandishly decorated. It looked like a garish cross between Mardi Gras, a child's birthday party, Valentine's Day, and Christmas.

He left it like that for three whole days, much to the dismay of McGonagall.

And speaking of the esteemed Deputy, she didn't know whether to laugh or get angry when she found her classroom floor had been replaced with actual dirt that was growing catnip.

Tom laughed hysterically when he learned that she vanished all but a small portion of it.

Snape was convinced it was the work of Sirius and demanded that Dumbledore do something to catch him, but no one could prove that it was actually him, especially since no one had been hurt. When that didn't work, he then tried to put the blame on Harry, and cited his 'puffing ability' as how he was getting away with it, but Dumbledore refused to listen.

However, most of the school thought it was the work of Fred and George, but no one could figure out how they were doing it. Fred and George themselves had been blown away by it all and they tried to ask Harry about it, but he simply grinned and told them to up their pranks if they wanted to keep up.

The twins were floored, but vowed to up their game.

Aside from all the pranks though, classes were going smoothly. Flying lessons had started, but Harry didn't feel like playing Quidditch this time around, so he kept his flying skills well hidden. He had too many things going on as it was, and he didn't want to draw even more unneeded attention to himself. Besides, his Bingo Friday was a hit and Harry wanted to concentrate on that, and other things he had planned.

The other members of the staff still didn't trust Tom a bit, but they did seem to have let go some of the nervousness, uptightness, and fear they had for him. However, they did continue to remain wary and never let themselves get to close, or get caught alone with him.

Tom, for his part, remained calm, cool, and collected. He was unnervingly pleasant, friendly, sociable, and to be honest, downright likeable. Most of the students absolutely loved him, though some older female students took it a bit too far when they unsuccessfully tried to get him to consume a love potion. Tom had rounded them up, along with the evidence, and marched each one straight to Dumbledore. This action not only shocked the Headmaster, but also somewhat amused him.

Snape, it seemed, was the oddball out. He didn't know what to do or think about Tom's actions and attitude, or even how he himself was supposed to act anymore. So one day, to everyone's amusement, he went to Tom and asked what he was supposed to do.

Tom's answer?

"Be yourself Severus."

Not only was that less than helpful, but once Snape returned to his living quarters, he commenced to throwing things around and cursing the existence of Tom, Harry, Dumbledore, Harry, James, Sirius, Harry, Tom, Dumbledore, Harry, Tom, Sirius, James, and Harry.

In that order.

Dumbledore, on the other hand, just continued to watch Tom closely and monitored his and Harry's relationship, while trying to think up ways to not only keep the two apart, but broach the subject of Harry's life.

He was completely at a loss on how to do that though. He was also at a loss as to why Tom was taking an almost parental role in the boy's life. He was amazed that Tom seemed to be acting more and more like a father to Harry, and it left him stumped.

But that only gave the four conspirators a wonderful idea.

* * *

 _Albus,_

 _Please, I beg you, don't ignore this letter because Harry is in grave danger! I have to be really sneaky about sending you this letter, because that disgusting loathsome bitch cousin of mine hangs over my shoulder and watches me almost constantly, so I very rarely get time to myself._

 _Anyway, I swear that I did not betray Lily and James to Voldemort. Before James cast the Fidelius, it was my idea to switch secret keepers. My thoughts were, since I was the most likely choice, the Death Eaters and their bastard of a master would capture me and force me to give up their location._

 _So I came up with a plan._

 _At the last minute, I talked James into switching to Peter because he was known as the 'weak one' and NOBOBY would EVER suspect that he would be the secret keeper. It was my job to bandy about saying that I was the secret keeper, so that suspicion would further be thrown off Peter._

 _But, unknown to us, Peter is/was a Death Eater._

 _I did not kill those muggles, and Peter is STILL alive! HE blew up the street and FRAMED me! I know the reason I was thrown in Azkaban without a trial is because the Aurors heard me laughing and saying 'I killed them, I killed Lily and James'. But that was only because, if you look at it from my point of view, I DID because I talked James into making Peter the secret keeper!_

 _I was stunned that Peter could actually pull something like this off, and I was in SHOCK, not to mention, out of my mind with grief over the loss of Lily and James!_

 _Albus, I am innocent! You have to believe me! I did not escape, I was 'rescued'! Voldemort is basically keeping me hostage, and using Harry as leverage to 'keep me in line'. Merlin only knows what he has in store for me! You have to keep Harry safe, first and foremost, but please, find a way to get me out of here if you can! If you do find a way to get me out of here, I will give pensive memories, oaths, and even gladly take veritaserum BREWED BY SNAPE in order to prove my innocence. _

_But that is not the real reason I am writing you. Unfortunately, Voldemort has figured out that HARRY IS HIS OWN SON!_

 _This though, is not news to me. James and Lily BOTH_ _knew this when Harry was born. Voldemort figured out that Snape was in love with Lily so, being the bastard that he is, sweet talked Lily into having a one night stand. This happened shortly before James and Lily got married, and if you remember, they had broken up because of the pressure of the war._

 _However, as you also know, they got back together shortly after they broke up. What you don't know is the reason why. They got back together, because Lily found out who her one night stand was the next morning when, Voldemort told her who he was and laughed about it! _

_She was, of course, devastated, disgusted, and downright pissed off that she had let this happen, and so was James. However, this only made them realize how much they did love each other, so they got back together and decided to work through everything. Lily told James, Voldemort only slept with her so that he could, when he felt the time was right, brag about his 'escapade' with Lily to Snape._

 _We always knew he was a bastard, and got his jollies off by hurting people in the worst possible way, even his own followers._

 _I only know this because James told me. He didn't tell Peter or Remus, but he needed someone to talk to, so I was his confidant. Lily knew he told me, and understood why._

 _Anyway, because of their one night stand, and the fact that HARRY IS A PARSELMOUTH, Voldemort has figured out that Harry is his son. Like I said before, when Harry was born, nine months after Lily had 'been an idiot', they knew he wasn't James's son. He looked NOTHING like James, so Lily, in all her brilliance, figured out a way to put a permanent glamor on Harry so no one would figure out the truth. James had decided to treat Harry as his own, love him, take care of him, and everything else, because he knew none of this was Harry's fault, and nor did he really blame Lily for it, since he was the one who did the breaking up in the first place._

 _They were planning to tell Harry the truth when he was old enough to understand, but things turned out differently. It is IMPORTANT that Harry be told this eventually, but PLEASE, PLEASE tell Harry that being Voldemort's son changes NOTHING! Tell him James and Lily knew, and still loved him dearly. Reassure him that just because he is Voldemort's son, doesn't mean he has to be dark._

 _Because that is what I think Voldemort is going to try and do._

 _I have been listening to Bellatrix and Voldemort's chats, and I know that Voldemort will stop at nothing to reclaim 'his rightful son'. I can say, with great relief, that he no longer wants to outright kill Harry, but WHO KNOWS WHAT HE PLANS TO DO NOW! Voldemort still may kill him though, if Harry refuses to do what Voldemort wants him to do. Voldemort's action also depends on what the prophecy says. If Harry is destined to kill him, Voldemort will kill him first, even if Harry is his son._

 _This is a mess Albus, and I'm terrified! I don't want to see my godson turn to the dark, simply because he is looking for love and acceptance, and nor do I want him to be killed because of some stupid prophecy._

 _You need to sit down with Harry and get him to talk about his life. It has NOT been sunshine and roses for him. Those Dursleys have ABUSED him, severely, and not only is Voldemort PISSED because muggles abused 'his son', but he is raging mad over the fact that YOU placed Harry in that house._

 _I think he figured that out on his own, because I had nothing to do with that. Although, I can say, I too am PISSED! What were you thinking!? You KNOW Petunia hates magic and is jealous that she doesn't have any! She hated Lily, so what the hell did you think was going to happen to Harry!? I would rather have Harry be raised by SNAPE instead of that old biddy!_

 _But I digress._

 _Do what you have to do to ensure that Harry doesn't get any closer to 'Professor Riddle', but be prepared for a fight. Harry doesn't altogether trust you because of Snape being an arse and holding a school boy grudge against a CHILD that ISN'T EVEN JAMES'S BLOOD! I have no doubts that you monitored Harry's detention with Voldemort that day, and you no doubt figured out that I was there. I have not told Voldemort of that suspicion, and I don't think he suspects anything, because he likely had the classroom warded so that you couldn't._

 _But I also know, with you being the Headmaster, that you no doubt had a portrait, or a suit of armor, or something listening in. _

_But, just in case you didn't, get Harry to talk about his life anyway you can. As his legal godfather, I give you permission to pour veritaserum down his throat to get the truth! I know for a fact, being an abused child myself, that Harry will latch on to the first adult who shows him love and kindness, and right now that person is 'Professor Riddle'._

 _Get this straightened out Albus, in any way you can, or I will personally find a way out of here, grab Harry, and leave the country._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Sirius Black_

A barely holding it together Snape threw the letter down onto the Headmaster's desk. For the first time in a long time, his brain was scrambled and he didn't really know what to think. Dumbledore peered over the top of his glasses and looked at him with concern, but neither of them said anything for several minutes.

They both were shocked after all the revelations at Harry's detention, and neither of them spoke about it for several days afterwards. Dumbledore hid in his office, pondering over everything, and Snape absolutely refused to believe anything that had been said.

He simply thought it was all made up, and Potter was just trying to get attention.

However, after a few days Dumbledore just couldn't stand not knowing if everything was true, so he called Severus to his office early one night, and they left for Privet Drive.

And what Dumbledore found in that house nearly broke his heart.

Yes it was true, the Dursleys were nowhere to be found, and the older retired couple, who answered the door, confirmed that they had bought the house a few weeks ago. There was even packing boxes still laying around, seeing as they hadn't had a chance to unpack everything yet. Still though, this wasn't enough for Dumbledore, so he and Snape stunned both muggles, gently placed them in in the living room in front of their 'moving picture box', and began searching the house.

Dumbledore had already checked the address for Harry's first few Hogwarts letters, so the first place they headed to was the cupboard under the stairs. It had already been cleaned out, but through the use of magic, Dumbledore was able to detect not only Harry's residual magic, but his dried blood as well.

And there was a lot of dried blood.

It was of course, unnoticed by the muggles because Petunia had given it a good scrubbing before they left, no doubt to cover up their crimes. However, Dumbledore saw it all and some of it even dated back to when Harry was merely two years old.

He also found a faded, crudely written, barely noticeable scrawl on the back wall of the cupboard that simply said, 'Harry's Room'.

At that point, Dumbledore collapsed onto the floor and began sobbing loudly.

Snape took it upon himself to go upstairs. He found a total of four bedrooms, but when he found the smallest one, he just shook his head and closed the door. It was no bigger than a water closet, and the current muggles were apparently using it as a small craft room.

When Snape came back down, he simply leaned against the stair banister and told Albus what he had found. This sent the old Headmaster into more soul wrenching sobs, but Snape finally got him off the ground and back to Hogwarts.

Snape himself didn't know what to think. He knew there was no way to fake all that they had discovered, but this was still 'Potter's Spawn', and even though a small part of him he felt bad for the boy, he wasn't willing to afford Harry any sympathy, or leniency for that matter.

But as Snape stared at the letter on Dumbledore's desk, he absolutely refused to believe it.

"It's a prank." He finally said, as he leaned back in his seat with a scowl. "Black is working for the Dark Lord, and they have concocted this nonsense. I refuse to believe it. Lily would have never had a one night stand with anyone, much less the Dark Lord."

"Severus, I don't think Sirius is lying. You yourself heard everything that was said in Harry's detention that day, and you saw the evidence in the house. If Harry really can speak to snakes, then him being Tom's son makes sense. James and Lily _did_ break up, for about a week or two, then, with no explanation as to why, they got back together. I think Lily knew there was a very good possibility that she could be pregnant, because they got married a month later."

"Lily wouldn't have married _anybody_ just to have a 'father for her baby'." Snape snapped.

Dumbledore sighed wearily. "I know that, and that is not what I'm saying. As much as you hate to hear it, Lily and James loved each other very much. When this…one night stand…happened, I think James asked her to marry him, so that _James_ could protect _her_ honor. If Lily popped up pregnant and unwed, our society would have looked down their noses at her. James wanted this, and at first, Lily likely tried to dissuade him from that decision in order to protect _his_ name and honor, but he obviously talked her into it so that she and Harry would be protected by the Potter name and influence. They _did_ love each other." He repeated firmly.

"Then why would she let the Dark Lord 'sweet talk' her into a one night stand?" Snape asked, as he glared at the old man.

"Because that is what Voldemort does. He uses his handsome looks, charming smile, 'good natured' manners, and silver tongue to get what he wants. He knew who Lily was because she was a high profile Order member and she's lucky she wasn't killed then, but Lily didn't know who he was until he told her. NO ONE outside his inner circle knew what 'Voldemort' really looked like. Why do you think he created the Death Eater robes and masks in the first place?"

"Because he wanted to hide his true identity." Snape finally said with a loud sigh. "He also kept his true name hidden from everyone, except those he trusted most. Lucius, Bellatrix, and I were the only ones that knew."

"Yes, and Bellatrix went to school with him, so he likely told her to keep it quiet from the others."

Snape begrudgingly nodded in agreement, but he remained quiet for a moment until another question popped into his mind.

"Do you think that the Dark Lord suspected that Potter may have been his son? Aside from the prophecy, do you think that is one of the reasons why he targeted the Potters, and not the Longbottoms?"

Albus thought a moment, but then he shook his head. "I don't know. I honestly don't. It's possible that he did, and maybe he wanted to see the boy for himself to make sure, but if Lily put a glamor on Harry…"

"That wouldn't have fooled him." Snape cut in. "It is well believed that the Dark Lord has ways of seeing through enchantments, disguises, and things of that sort."

"Using something like Alastor Moody's eye?" Dumbledore asked, causing Snape to nod. "Well if that is true, then he would have seen, and recognized, the resemblance between himself and Harry, because I seriously doubt Lily would have bothered with a glamor if Harry had looked like her."

Snape looked at Dumbledore with wide eyes, as another disturbing thought hit him. "After the boy left his detention, The Dark Lord confirmed that Potter's thoughts about that night are, and I quote, 'more accurate than Potter actually knows'. Do you think the Dark Lord _wanted_ Lily to move out of the way? Was he really going to kidnap the boy, and take Lily for himself so that the boy would have his mother?" Snape asked.

"I believe that is very possible." Dumbledore said, as he suddenly sat up straight. "However, Lily made him mad because he couldn't get close enough to Harry to get a good look at him, so he killed her. Don't think for a second he had feelings for her, because I don't think he did. By that time though, you had already asked him to spare her, so he could have used that as a cover for taking her, but I think he was actually _shocked_ to have his suspicions about Harry confirmed! If Harry was right about someone scaring Tom off that night, that someone was likely Sirius who was the first on the scene. I believe Tom was in such shock, that he did the only thing he could think of at the time. He charmed Harry's crib to protect him, blew up the nursery, shucked off his outer robes, dropped a spare wand, and using his real wand, he apparated. He left behind the impression that Harry had defeated him. That's why he disappeared."

"He needed to get his wits together." Snape said suddenly, causing Dumbledore to nod. "But the Dark Lord is hardened and does not get 'shocked'. Why not kill Black and take the boy?"

"Suddenly finding out you are a father is enough to throw _anyone_ for a loop." Dumbledore said seriously. "He disappeared to gather his wits, waited for things to settle down, and maybe, after a while, he talked himself _out_ of the fact that Harry is his son. However, curiosity won out in the end and he came back this year, just as Harry is starting school. He killed Quirrell and imperiused me to get the job so that he could find out for sure."

"Then he gets close to the boy to confirm it." Snape said, picking up on Dumbledore's train of thought. "When he saw the boy again, he knew, and with Potter saying that he can talk to snakes, that sealed it."

"Yes, I think that was the final confirmation." Dumbledore said with a nod. "You saw his reaction when Harry said that. He stuttered and stammered. Tom does not do that. It all makes sense!" He declared, jumping out of his chair with surprising speed. "I've always thought it was _Lily_ who did something to protect Harry, and it _never_ crossed my mind that Tom himself would just up and leave!" He added, as he began to pace back and forth behind his desk.

"What of the rumors of the killing curse?" Snape asked suddenly.

"I think it's just a lot of made up wishful thinking. Everyone knows the killing curse is Voldemort's favorite, so they ran with it."

"But what of the glamor? With Potter's metamorphmagus abilities…"

But Snape couldn't finish that thought, seeing as Dumbledore waved it off.

"His abilities wouldn't have interfered with a glamor."

"And the scar?" Snape asked curiously.

Dumbledore's excitement suddenly vanished, and he frowned as he gazed out of one of his office windows.

"I admit, that has me stumped." He said with a sigh, as he shook his head in frustration and turned back to Snape. "However, what Harry was told by that muggle Professor is true, and honestly, I don't know why I didn't make the connection before. His scar is, in fact, the symbol for 'sowilo' and it means what Harry said it did."

"So it is a symbol of the sun?" Snape asked in confusion. "But Potter said the muggle mentioned it stood for light, hope, confidence, success, and honor."

"It does and magically it means the same. Tom took runes in school and excelled at them, so he would know the meaning as well. Perhaps Tom himself used a dark spell to carve the rune into Harry's forehead, which would explain why it has never healed properly."

Snape shook his head and made a face, but then he looked at Dumbledore in confusion.

"I don't know Headmaster. It seems very farfetched. Why mark his own son with a symbol of such…lightness? I doesn't make any sense."

"Because that is the key. His son. S-u-n and s-o-n." Dumbledore said with wide eyes, then he began pacing again. "Sun and son. You saw how happy Tom looked when Harry mentioned that he knew what his scar meant. I think Harry is Tom's light in the darkness, and by marking Harry with a light symbol, Tom is trying to steer him away from the darkness. You heard Harry in his detention, one of the questions he asked was, 'did Voldemort become so trapped by dark magic that he could no longer tell the difference between right and wrong'. What if Tom is trying to protect Harry from dark magic? He marked his son with a symbol that stands for the sun, and means light, hope, courage, honor, and…"

"Headmaster, are you listening to yourself!?" Snape cried, as he stared at Dumbledore in disbelief. "This is the _Dark Lord_ we are talking about here!"

Dumbledore seemed to snap out of his musings, but then he sighed, took off his glasses, and rubbed his eyes.

"Perhaps I am reading too much into this, but Severus, is there hope? Can Tom Riddle be saved, and can Harry be the key?" He asked, but then he seemed to become lost in thought again.

A very confused, shocked, and disbelieving Snape stared at him doubtfully, but Dumbledore looked so deep in thought that he didn't want to interrupt the old man. He sat there for a few minutes in silence and continued to watch Dumbledore, but then the Headmaster looked up, as if suddenly remembering that Snape was there.

"I'm sorry Severus, but I have been pondering a few things and I don't want to voice them until I'm sure of them. I know you have papers to mark and potions to attend, so you may leave if you wish. I'll talk to you more when I have a better understanding of where my thoughts are going."

Knowing he was dismissed, a still very confused Snape left without saying a word. Dumbledore however, continued to sit in his chair and stare into space.

"Aww, well this sucks." Sirius said, as he threw a handful of popcorn at the stone. "It was just getting good!"

Harry burst out laughing, but almost choked on a mouthful of his own popcorn in the process.

"A most interesting development for sure." Tom chuckled from his desk, as he put away a stack of freshly marked essays. "But they are being very assumptive over the matter, which I find extremely funny." He added with a smirk, as he came over, plopped down on the sofa, and propped his feet up on a conjured foot stool.

"Do we let Dumbledore think there is hope for you?" Bella asked, as she ruffled Tom's hair playfully.

He glared at her and swatted her hand away, but Bella simply laughed before plopping down beside him.

"I don't see the harm in it, but I'm not going to make it easy for him. I still plan to kill that whiny, stupid, and very irritating Myrtle." He said with a scowl. "However, I don't think we should let Dumbledore be totally right about everything. We need to switch his thinking up a bit. Severus is right, it doesn't make sense that I would mark Potter with a light symbol, so we need to think of something that _will_ make sense."

"Well," Sirius said as he stared into space. "Lily marking Harry with the rune would make better sense, and if we start there, we can come up with something believable. Harry can plant a false memory in your head of what happened in Godric's Hollow that night. With him being Death, not even the Unspeakables will be able to tell its fake, if Dumbledore decides to have it tested." He offered.

Tom glanced at Harry, who nodded in agreement.

"That sounds like a good plan." Tom said. "Because I have a feeling that Dumbledore is going to want to know _exactly_ what happened that night. He is probably going to ask me soon."

Harry just chuckled and nodded his head. "He probably will, but I have to say, it's a good thing my parents _did_ break up because of the pressure of the war, and the fact that they got back together after working stuff out. Otherwise we wouldn't have been able to pull off the father/son thing." He said.

"Snape doesn't look convinced though." Bella added, as she stole some of Sirius's popcorn.

"No he doesn't, which gives me an idea that will convince him and put any doubts to rest. Since this is all about the rune on Potter's head, I can use the tattoo charm to tattoo the rune symbol for father on my upper arm, but, to take it a step further and throw a monkey wrench into Snape and Dumbledore's thinking, I can also tattoo the rune for 'yew', which is 'eihwaz', right under it. It will keep Snape and Dumbledore thinking the worst, but hoping for the best." Tom said, as he grinned at them.

Sirius, Harry, and Bella all stared at him owlishly, but Tom sighed with exasperation.

"The symbol for father should be self-explanatory, and that should seal this father/son nonsense, but 'eihwaz' is the symbol for 'yew', as in the yew tree, and it's what my wand is made of, which Dumbledore knows. However, to explain it further, the yew tree in mythology stands for death and resurrection and the hope for new beginnings. Not to mention, the symbol for it is close to the lightning bolt rune of 'sowilo'."

"But the yew tree's needles are poisonous and can prove to be deadly if not handled properly." Harry said with a grin, as he began to realize where Tom was going with this.

"Exactly. It describes my personality perfectly. Innocent looking, but extremely deadly. Dumbledore will know that, and while this father/son stupidity will give him hope that I can 'be saved', he will continue to treat me as dangerous because of my past and the 'eihwaz' tattoo." Tom said with an excited grin. "I also find it rather funny because in ancient times, people looked at the yew tree as a symbol of eternal life. In other words…"

"Immortality!" Bella exclaimed.

"Yes." He said with a laugh. "Which is kind of funny, if you think about what happened in real reality. Although, I do admit it has nothing to do with right now. I just think it's funny."

"Where the hell was all this information in real reality!?" Sirius suddenly cried. "This would have come in really handy back then!"

"Tell me about it." Harry said sarcastically, as he rolled his eyes. "Well aside from all the father/son nonsense anyway." He added with a mumble, but then he sighed. "Ollivander told me twice that your wand was made of yew, and I should have been able to put it all together. Yew symbolizes immortality." He added, as he shook his head. "I also should have listened to Hermione when she said runes were fascinating, and NEVER have followed Ron into divination. We might have been able to learn about your horcruxes sooner, and killed you quicker. I also would have realized what my scar meant, and that would have helped out too."

"Wouldn't Dumbledore have known that though?" Sirius asked, as he furrowed his brow. "How did he miss it?"

"Well, during one of our many talks in The Void, he once told me that he often missed small details that were right in front of his nose." Harry said with a shrug. "You have to look at it from his point of view. He may be the greatest wizard since Merlin, but he's still human. Not even Dumbledore can think of everything."

"I suppose your right." Sirius conceded with a nod.

Tom just chuckled, but Bella suddenly cracked up laughing. Everyone turned to stare at her, but when she finally calmed down she looked at them and grinned.

"Do you not realize that you two," she said, pointing to Tom and Harry, "have basically just pranked yourselves?"

"What?" They asked in unison.

"In the old, old, and I mean _old,_ practices, both muggle and wizard, people would burn branches of the yew tree at Yule. They did this to encourage the _sun_ to _return_ , so that 'new life' could begin, meaning 'death and resurrection'. Or to put it another way, winter dies and the life of spring begins when the 'sun' returns to warm the earth. That is where we get the Yule Log tradition from. Of course, now the Yule Log can be from any tree, but that is beside the point." She said.

Tom and Harry glanced at each other with befuddled looks, but Bella sighed loudly and rolled her eyes.

"In other words, Tom is basically saying he is the 'father of yew', which truthfully doesn't make any sense on the surface. However, if you go deeper, you're saying that you're the father of death and resurrection. Harry is Death, an _immortal being_ that gives new life when you get to his throne. You have pranked yourselves and you didn't even know it."

What Bella was getting at finally seemed to click with them, and everyone cracked up laughing. Though, Harry did face palm himself at the ridiculousness of it all.

"When Dumbledore catches sight of your tattoos, he will _really_ start to think that there is hope for Voldemort." Sirius snickered. "You've come back for your 'sun'…your light in the darkness…your 'new beginning'."

"If he can get passed the 'being deadly' part." Tom snorted.

"You all are going to confuse that poor man so badly, that he is going to end up in an early grave." Bella chuckled, as she shook her head. "But, getting back to the tattoos. Where are you going to put them?"

"On my upper arm." Tom said between snorts. "With the fifth installment of Bingo Friday coming up soon, I've decided I'm going to finally join in. Since its ok to wear casual clothes, I think a T-shirt and jeans are in order, because I think the T-shirt will show off my tattoos very nicely." He finished with a grin.

Everyone just snorted, but it was late in the evening and Harry had a sorting to be getting on with, so he left them all to plan something else crazy and puffed away.

* * *

It was just before dinner the next day, and the entire staff was assembled in the staff room. Tom normally hated coming to staff meetings because they mostly consisted of the other Professors complaining about this or that.

As Snape continued to drone on about first year dunderheads blowing up cauldrons, Tom became lost in thought.

Much to the shock and amusement of the four conspirators, Dumbledore actually told the other staff members about Harry's home life, and about him being Voldemort's son. However, this was done in one of their super-secret staff meetings, which was held earlier that day after lunch.

Harry was actually the most shocked about this turn of events, because he didn't really think Dumbledore would have clued them in, but Bella summed it up nicely when she mentioned that it would give Dumbledore 'more eyes and ears'. Harry agreed and said it was smart on the Headmaster's part.

As they all watched the secret staff meeting though, Harry and the others couldn't help but crack up laughing when McGonagall laid into the Headmaster for leaving Harry with the 'worst sort of muggles imaginable'. Even Tom said he never wanted to be on the receiving end of one of her angry rants.

However, this did pose a problem. All the Professors were now concerned about Harry, and vowed to watch him more closely. Even despite Dumbledore telling them his theories about Tom possibly being saved.

None of them seemed to believe _that_ though.

Something else was also mentioned in that secret staff meeting as well. Harry and Tom had actually begun to think Dumbledore had forgotten all about the treasure hoard idea, but apparently he hadn't. He told all the other Professors that he was going to announce the 'finding' of it during the Halloween feast.

What surprised everyone the most though, was the fact that he wanted Tom, all four Heads of house, Hagrid, and himself to be the ones to set up the obstacles that would guard it. A few of the Professors asked why he wanted Tom to be one of the ones, but Dumbledore only smiled and said Tom would become suspicious if he didn't. Especially since he was the Defense Professor.

This greatly confused everyone, but it was Dumbledore so they didn't really question it. Harry, on the other hand, began complaining about 'Deja-Vu' and threatened to blow up the world if they were the same obstacles as the ones in real reality. His mini temper tantrum only caused Sirius, Tom, and Bella snort and laugh at him.

And after remembering that little tid bit, Tom suddenly chuckled loudly.

"Well now." Came an angry huff. "I hardly see how a second year falling down a flight of stairs is funny. He could have broken his neck."

Tom glanced up to see everyone glaring at him, but he only shook his head.

"Forgive me Madam Pomfrey." He said smoothly. "I must admit that I wasn't even listening to what you were saying, because I was lost in thought. Is the young man alright?"

"Why you would care is beyond me, but yes, he is fine." She replied gruffly.

Tom merely raised an eyebrow, but otherwise ignored the verbal barb.

"Well, just in case you are all wondering, I didn't push him."

"We know that Tom." Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye. "He unfortunately got caught by one of the trick stairs."

"I'll never understand why the Founders did that. I makes no sense whatsoever." Tom said as he rolled his eyes.

"Is that because you also fell through one of them in your third year?" McGonagall asked with a smirk.

"Yes actually." He answered simply.

"Too bad it didn't kill you." A voice spat, causing Tom to visibly bristle. Although it wasn't because of _what_ was said, but _who_ said it. "The stair would have gotten rid of a pure blood bigot whom the world could surely live without."

Tom glared at Myrtle with such pure loathing and hatred that it caused everyone to tense up, and lean back in their seats.

"For a know-it-all Ravenflaw, you sure are ignorant." He hissed through gritted teeth. "And for your information, I'm a half-blood, so please butt out of conversations which you know nothing about. The grown-ups are talking."

"I'll have you know…"

"…that I will kill you if you say another word." Tom snapped. "Now shut up."

"How dare you!" Myrtle shouted, as she jumped out of her seat. "I am not one of your stupid Death Eaters that you can command! I am a well-educated and respected member of this staff, unlike you, and I refuse to be spoken to like that. Especially from a monster such as yourself!"

"If you want to see a monster, I can surely introduce you to one." Tom purred, as he smirked at her and leaned forward in his seat. "Then, after you die, you can continue to spend your meaningless existence hovering around a toilet."

Everyone's eyes were wide as they bounced from Tom to Myrtle and back again. Most of them had stood up and backed away from the two, but Dumbledore was still sitting in his chair with his wand in his hand. Snape was also still sitting, but he seemed to have turned to stone as he watched the argument continue.

"Meaningless existence!?" Myrtle shrieked. "Just because I'm a muggle born…"

"…means nothing!" Tom shouted, as he too jumped out of his seat. Then he got right in Myrtle's face, which caused the woman to back up a few steps. Lucky for her though, the table was between her and Tom, or else he would have grabbed her. "You have forsaken your muggle heritage, and have chosen keep yourself hidden in the wizarding world, thereby cutting yourself off from even greater potential!" He shouted, much to the shock of everyone else. "Let me ask you something _Myrtle_ ," he spat, "what do you know of the moon landing?"

She blinked owlishly at him. "Moon landing?"

"Yes." He hissed, as he sat back down. "Muggles went to the moon and actually _walked_ on it. How about NASA, what do you know of it? What is the speed of light? Explain physics. What phenomenon keeps our feet firmly planted on this earth, and doesn't allow us to just float away? What is DNA? Fingerprints?"

"I-I-I…"

"...don't know!" Tom shouted, as he glared furiously at her. "Some Ravenflaw you are." He sneered. "Any muggle born here at Hogwarts can tell you what those things are. They will take their knowledge of the muggle world, and they will create spells from muggle ideas. We will grow as a society because of muggle borns, IF they are encouraged to keep one foot in the muggle world and one foot in the wizarding world!" He finished angrily. "Since you have not kept up with your muggle heritage, you are useless Myrtle."

Her face grew red with anger, and she stomped her foot like a petulant child. "I am not useless!" She screamed. "And if you love muggle borns so much, why did you gather up a bunch of pure blood maniacs and have them kill muggle borns and muggles!?"

Tom suddenly burst out laughing, which caused everyone to stare at him in horror. "Yes, I had them kill muggles, muggle borns, half-bloods, and some pure-bloods who were murders, cheats, crack addicts, child killers, and various other unpleasant people. I was _cleaning up_ not only our society, but the muggle's as well. Unfortunately, good and decent witches and wizards decided to get in my way and I had to do away with them." He snapped. "The Death Eaters were easy to control because they are mindless inbred idiots. I simply gathered up the stupidest, most overzealous ones I could find, and pointed them towards the people who needed to go. Anybody who has a bit of common sense in their head knows that if the pure bloods have their way, our society would cease to exist due to their inbred nature. Their offspring is often magically weak, and pure-bloods are the cause of most squibs. One only needs to look at young Mr. Crabbe and young Mr. Goyle, then look at someone like Miss Granger to know that I am right. Once the time came to do away with the Death Eaters, I would have turned on them and crushed their idea of a perfect 'pure-blood' society!" He shouted, as he slammed his hand on the table to drive his point home.

Myrtle simply scoffed, but Dumbledore was watching Tom curiously. He started to say something, but Myrtle cut him off.

"You talk about 'cleaning up' society and you cite child killers as scum, yet you yourself went to Godric's Hollow to kill a child, and an innocent muggle born." She spat. "You are just the same kind of scum you claim to want to do away with. Your stupid quest for a 'clean society' got a lot of good people killed. What gives you the right to carry out your stupid, ill thought out plan?"

Tom leveled his gaze and glared at her. "I have the right, simply because I am more powerful, more knowledgeable, and better than everyone else." He said, causing a few people to scoff loudly. "However, you do not know what you are talking about when it comes to Halloween '81, so leave Godric's Hollow out of this." He added with an icy coldness that sent shivers down everyone's spine.

"Lily, James, and Harry Potter _were_ innocent, and you know it." Myrtle snapped.

"And once again, you think you know-it-all." Tom replied through gritted teeth. "However, since you were there, why don't you tell us what happened. You know everything, so tell us, what actually happened that night." He added, as he leaned back in his seat and looked at her expectantly.

"You went to kill Harry Potter. Everyone knows that."

"Oh, well, if that is all…" Tom began to say with a scoff, but he was interrupted by Dumbledore.

"What did happen that night Tom?" He asked, with a calm demeanor that seemed to cut through the tension.

Tom simply scoffed again and shook his head. "You wouldn't believe me even if I told you."

"Why don't you try me." The Headmaster replied, though it was more of a statement than a challenge.

The air seemed to get sucked out of the very room as everyone else took a deep breath, but Tom merely scoffed again.

"You won't believe me." He repeated, but Dumbledore continued to calmly gaze at him, and Tom finally sighed. "Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you." He added as he took a deep breath. "Everyone assumes that I killed James and Lily, but in reality, I didn't. I stunned James and merely left him lying on the floor. I don't know how he really died though, so don't ask. As for Lily, she killed herself with the killing curse…"

"Liar!" Minerva shrieked. "Lily would have never…!"

"Minerva!" Dumbledore shouted sternly, but then he turned back to Tom and motioned for him to continue.

"Lily killed herself after she carved the 'sowilo' rune into little Harry's forehead. She used a dark spell to do it, which, quite frankly, shocked me because I did not expect her to know, much less use, a spell like that. Before she killed herself though, she shouted, and I quote, 'to rob me of the satisfaction of doing it myself'. I had no intentions of killing her, in fact, even if she hadn't moved I would have simply stunned her, like I did James, but she obviously thought I wasn't going to keep my word."

"So how did James die, and why would Lily use dark magic to carve a rune in her own son's forehead?" Minerva asked bitterly.

"I'm afraid I don't know." Tom said nonchalantly.

"I cannot say anything about James, and that seems to be a great mystery, but as for Lily doing what she did, she did it to keep Harry safe." Dumbledore said as he gazed at Tom in surprise. "I know of the spell she used. It is a dark spell though, there is no denying that fact because the spell powers the rune and uses the rune's meaning to influence a person's soul. In the old days, it was used maliciously, which is how it became known as dark. Some people would capture their enemies and carve the death rune into their skin, then simply let them go. All the choices the marked one would make after that, would simply lead to their deaths. However, in this case, Lily herself used the lightest rune that came to her mind, 'sowilo'. Now, no matter what, Harry will always be influenced to do what is right, what is good, and he will always be on a path of light."

"The sun." Professor Babbling, the Runes Professor, whispered.

"Yes, the sun." Dumbledore confirmed.

"Ok, that seems plausible to me, but I still don't think Lily killed herself. I was told her wand wasn't even in the room." Minerva said with a scowl.

"That's because I took it." Tom said coldly, as he glared at her. "I didn't want the world to know she killed herself and used a dark curse on the boy. She was held in high regard, and I didn't want the world to look down upon her. It's one of the reasons why I have never denied killing her." He added in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Why would you do that?" Severus asked in disbelief, but then flinched when Tom glared furiously at him, no doubt expecting to be cursed.

Tom however, only rolled his eyes. "I simply didn't want Potter to know that his mother killed herself. I had no plans to kill her, and one of my regrets from that night is not stunning her to begin with, like I did with James Potter."

"One of your regrets?" Madam Pomfrey asked curiously.

"The other was not stunning Sirius Black when he showed up, and taking Potter myself. Had I done that, Potter wouldn't have grown up with…nevermind. I made him a promise not to speak of certain things." He said, with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Tom pretended not to notice Dumbledore flinch as Minerva, Poppy, Sprout, and several others glared furiously at him.

"And what about Harry, Tom? Why would you have taken him?" Dumbledore asked.

Tom glared at him. "To raise him. He is my son after all." He said in an emotionless tone.

He waited for the outbursts, but since everyone already knew that, he wasn't surprised by their lack of reaction.

"I see." Dumbledore said, as he leaned back in his seat. "And what do you plan to do with Harry now?"

Tom kept his gaze steady as he continued to glare at Dumbledore. "I'm not answering anymore questions. I've already told you everything about that night…"

"Which none of us believe." Minerva snapped.

"Think what you want. I don't care." He snapped back. "The fact is, Potter is my son, I only stunned James, and I didn't want Lily to die."

"What about the nursery?" Dumbledore asked. "Why was it destroyed?"

Tom scoffed. "I'm tired of all these questions Dumbledore. Do you have an empty phial Severus? I'll just give up the memory, and you all can look at it at your leisure and pick it apart bit by bit if you wish. Take it to the Unspeakables and have it tested if you still don't believe it's real."

Severus stared at him, but then he started fumbling in his robes, before pulling out a potions phial. Tom pointed his wand at his temple, pulled out the false memory, and placed it carefully into it. Then he simply tossed the phial at Dumbledore, who swiftly caught it.

"There. Now, if you will excuse me, I have essays to look over." He growled, then he stood up quickly and made his way to the door.

However, just as he put his hand on the knob, there was a loud clattering sound and a lot of surprised shouts from behind him. He whipped around and there he saw, kneeling on the table, was Harry, Draco, Ron, Neville, Hermione, and an unconscious Marcus Flint, who Harry unceremoniously shoved off the table and onto the floor.

"What are you doing Potter?!" Severus yelled, as he stumbled backwards when Hermione nearly fell off the table and into his lap.

Harry ignored him though, as his eyes found Tom, who ran up to them.

"Draco was cursed with the constrictor curse. _Flint_ ," he spat, as he pointed at the stunned boy, "was aiming for Hermione's back, but she moved at the last second and Draco got hit in the chest."

"WHAT?!" Madam Pomfrey cried, as she began to shoo everyone off the table in order to get to Draco.

Draco was trying in vain to suck air into his lungs, but Harry shifted around until Madam Pomfrey could make her way to him, while everyone else was helped off the table.

"What's happening to Malfoy?" Neville asked loudly, as he stuck close to McGonagall, who had rounded him, Ron, and Hermione into a nearby corner of the room.

"Yes, it's the constrictor curse. His lungs will close up any minute now." Madam Pomfrey confirmed gravely. "Headmaster, you know it can't be healed with magic, it's how the curse was made. He will die." She added, as she gazed sadly at Dumbledore, who had jumped up.

"Potter do something!" Tom cried.

"I can't!" Harry yelled. "I can't cure something _with_ magic, that can't be cured _by_ magic! You can't take magic, and make it not magic, and expect it to work! Even I have my limits!"

"What about something muggle?" Tom asked, thinking quickly. "This curse works like an asthma attack. What if we used…"

"An asthma inhaler!" Hermione cried suddenly.

"Yes!" Tom shouted. "Go find an asthma inhaler!"

"Tell Draco not to go into the light. If he dies and makes it to the waiting room, I'll have to sort him tonight. Make sure he doesn't go into the light because we can still bring him back to life the muggle way if he does die! If he makes it to the waiting room I won't…"

"I get it Potter! Just go!" Tom yelled, as Harry glared at him and puffed away.

Everyone looked at each other in a flabbergasted state of shock, simply because they didn't know what in the hell was happening, but Tom jumped onto the table and grasped Draco's hand.

"Stay with us Draco. Fight it. Just breathe. You can do it. Take deep calming breaths as best you can." He urged in a soothing voice. "Potter won't be long. Just stay away from the beckoning light of the waiting room. You'll be fine. Potter will take care of you. He knows what he is doing. Just breathe Draco."

However, Draco's breathing became shallower and shallower, as his eyes started to slowly close and his lips began to turn blue.

"He's fading. We are losing him." Madam Pomfrey said, as she kept her wand trained on him, but then she suddenly cried out in fright when a muggle emergency room crash cart slammed into the table right next to her.

"Had to stop by a hospital just in case." Harry explained, as he bent down next to Draco. "Wake up!" He cried, smacking Draco on the cheek. "So help me Draco, if you cause me to have to work overtime in order to clean up this mess, your next life _will_ be spent as toilet paper. Tom, charm the crash cart so magic won't make it go wonky if we need it." He added quickly, as an afterthought.

Tom did, much to the shock and confusion of Dumbledore and the others. Draco's eyes snapped open when Harry smacked him, but that was all they got out of him. Harry flicked the cap off the inhaler, stuck it in Draco's mouth, and pressed the tube.

They all waited with baited breath, but then sighed with relief when Draco suddenly took a deep ragged breath.

"Once more." Harry said softly, as he stuck the inhaler back in Draco's mouth.

Draco took another deep breath, but then began coughing and sputtering slightly. "What is that thing?" He gasped, as he continued to lay on the table and take deep breaths.

"It's a muggle asthma inhaler, but I don't feel like explaining it to you right now. Just know it saved your life." Harry said, as he sat down heavily on the table next to Tom, but then he smirked at Draco, who was slowly starting to get his breath back. "So Kumquat, how was your near death experience?" He asked, causing Tom to whack him upside the back of his head.

"Shut up Potter. That was completely lame." Tom said, as he chuckled and shook his head.

Madam Pomfrey looked at them in confusion, but then began to wave her wand over Draco. "It worked." She breathed. "But the curse has lasting effects, so he may need more of…of that stuff." She added, pointing to the inhaler.

"You need to get him to the hospital wing, and take these." Harry said, as he handed her the inhaler, along with a few extras. "Use them just in case. Oh and…obliviate." He said, suddenly brandishing his wand and causing her eyes to glaze over. "You only know that Draco was hit with a constrictor curse, and that these muggle asthma inhalers are what he needs should the symptoms reappear."

"Yes, yes alright then." She nodded with a dazed expression, as she shook her head. "Come with me Mr. Malfoy." She added, as Draco cast Harry a confused look before letting himself be shuffled out the door.

Everyone else was in too much shock to react, but Tom just chuckled as he stood there with a smirk. However, Harry's face suddenly grew dark with fury as he spied Flint still sprawled out on the floor.

"Get up you shack of dragon shit!" He cried, as he kicked Flint in the side, while using his wand to bring him around. "Get up and apologize to Hermione! NOW!"

"POTTER! Stop manhandling…" Snape started to shout, only to come face to face with Tom's wand.

"You can't stop him Severus." Tom said, as Harry continued to kick Flint around. "You will only get hurt if you try, so I suggest you all just back up." He added, as he glanced at Dumbledore in particular.

"Apologize!" Harry continued to yell.

"That mudblood…"

But Flint didn't get to finish that sentence, because Harry flicked his wand and banished him into a wall.

"You will apologize to Hermione for aiming that curse at her, or I will rip your soul out of your body and MAKE YOU APOLOGIZE!"

"Screw you Potter! You can't hurt me with all the teachers in the room!"

"Oh is that what you think?" Harry asked, as he glared at Flint, who just sneered at him. "Fine, have it your way then."

Harry instantly collapsed into a violent, angry, churning black cloud of smoke that sent a deathly chill all throughout the staff room. As everyone watched in shock and horror, the cloud began to split into two halves, and everyone's eyes widened as Harry stood up and faced a freshly created dementor.

However, out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw the conjuration of a phoenix patronus, but he reared back and, calling forth his scythe, cut its head off, causing the patronus to vanish in a puff of sliver smoke before it could reach its target. Harry didn't turn around, so he missed the shocked and horrified faces of everyone.

"Bring me his soul." Harry ordered, as he pointed to Flint, who suddenly looked extremely terrified.

 **"Yes Master Death."** It replied, as it bowed its head and floated over towards the boy, who was still up against the wall.

It took only a minute for Flint to be kissed, but after the deed was done, the dementor floated back to Harry, reached into his cloak, and pulled a glowing orb out of its chest.

"Thank you for your service." Harry said, as he took the orb from the dementor. "You may go and join the others at Azkaban, but do not feed on anyone until you get there. Is that understood?"

 **"Yes Master Death. Is there a message you wish me to convey to the others?"**

"Yes actually. I've heard talk that the others will be sent here due to the escape of Sirius and Bella. Have the Head Dementor tell that idiot Minister that Hogwarts is no place for dementors. Refuse to obey them and stay at Azkaban." Harry replied, as he gazed at the being. "If Minster Fudge threatens you or the others, send for me and I'll handle it."

 **"I understand Master Death. I will leave quickly, and do as you command."**

Harry simply nodded and watched the dementor fly out of an open window, but then he turned around when he heard shuffling behind him.

"H-Harry, what have you done?" Dumbledore asked in a strangled, horrified whisper. "How did you…"

"Three words Professor." Harry said, as he gave Dumbledore a small smile. "Master of Death. You will be forgetting this though, so I won't explain right now. I'll be obliviating you as soon as I'm done with this stupid ponce." He added, as he threw the glowing orb, that was Flint's soul, up in the air.

It landed on the floor with an unbecoming loud _splat_ , but Harry just stood there with a scowl on his face as the orb gave way to a human form.

"AAAARRRGGGGHHHH!" Flint screamed, as soon as he got his bearings and realized what was happening. "Harry! Sweet Merlin, what just happened?"

"I had a dementor kiss you because you were being a royal arse. Now, just apologize to Hermione, and I'll send you on your way."

"Send me on my way?" Flint asked with wide, frightened eyes. "But Harry, you know I'm a decent bloke! I would never…"

"I know, I know." Harry replied, as he threw up his hands. "You just misunderstood me. I'll put you back in your body and you can go and do whatever, as long as you stop cursing people in the back. Marcus Flint is a dumb bastard, but you are not, so I'm going to instill a bit of paranoid fear into you, because you won't remember this. You will just suddenly develop a fear of me and mine."

"Sounds fine to me." Marcus said with a loud relieved sigh. "But I take it you're not going to explain why we are back in 1991 again?"

"No, because you won't remember anyway." Harry chuckled. "Just apologize to Hermione."

"Absolutely!" He cried, then he jumped off the floor and ran to her. "Hermione, I'm am so very sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I know there is a lot you don't understand, but I have a feeling that Harry will explain it all in due time. Death has his ways, and Harry is always fair and just. Can you forgive me for trying to curse you?"

"I-I-I-yes?" She stammered quietly, as her eyes bounced from Marcus's soul, to Harry, Tom, McGonagall, and finally to Dumbledore, who was just standing there with an open mouth.

"All right Marcus, get your bum back over here so I can put you back into your body." Harry chuckled, as Hermione gave him a bewildered look.

Marcus grinned at him, but when he passed by Tom, he suddenly froze.

"You." He breathed, as he stared at Tom in horror, then he scrambled away and practically hid behind Harry. "Harry, please tell me I won't have to become a Death Eater again. I don't want to. Please protect me and my family! I beg you! Don't let him do all those horrible things again. _Why_ is he even here?"

Tom just shook his head and chuckled. "Marcus, the only Death Eaters I'm interested in are Bella, Severus, and Lucius. The rest of them can go to hell." He laughed, causing Marcus to stare at him in shock.

"You have your memories?"

Tom nodded. "Yes. Voldemort does not exist. Not this time."

"No war? No killings? No torture? No deformed snake…thing?" Marcus asked with a shiver, as he cautiously stepped from behind Harry.

"No, most certainly not." Tom chuckled. "Everything will be fine."

"Unless another Dark Lord Threat rises because Tom isn't a real threat." Harry added. "But only time will tell if that happens."

"You kick their arse Harry, because I was going to play professional Quidditch until this git made an appearance." He said with a grin, as he jerked his head towards Tom. "I want to try for that again."

"I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, Tom will keep old Lucy on a sort leash, because once he learns it was your curse that hit Draco…" Harry said with a pointed look.

"I'll tell him I took care of it." Tom said, giving the wide eyed Marcus an encouraging grin.

"And Bellatrix? What about her? She's a lunatic!" Marcus cried with a scowl.

"Not if she has her memories, which she does." Harry grinned. "As does Sirius. How in the hell do you think we pulled off those pranks?"

Marcus suddenly burst out laughing. "Oh you have GOT to be kidding me! It was YOU who stole all of Slytherin's common room furniture!"

Harry grinned wickedly. "Of course it was. Who else has the power to get a bloody hot-air balloon through the school's wards? Sirius and Bella nailed the hospital wing, all four of us grabbed a common room, Tom got McGonagall's classroom, and…"

"What!?" Minerva suddenly shouted as she stared at Tom, who grinned sheepishly.

"Hello." He said, with a little wave that caused Marcus and Harry to snort loudly.

"And for our latest prank, I'm Tom's son, which is completely ridiculous, but I think it's rather funny." Harry ginned, as Marcus just laughed and shook his head.

"I knew it!" Snape yelled. "I knew it was a prank!"

Everyone just stared at him, but Harry and Tom glanced at each other and snorted. Marcus though, simply grinned.

"I think I'm better off not knowing about all this." He said, as he went to stand by his body.

"It'll be alright." Harry assured him. "Now, I'll wave my scythe over you, and the spell I'm casting will make you fear me and mine, but not overly so to where you run off screaming every time you see us."

"Fair enough." Marcus replied, as he stood at his own body's feet.

"Just fall backwards, and I'll do the rest." Harry instructed.

Marcus did, and when his soul connected with his body, Harry swung his scythe in a wide arc causing the two to fuse together. Flint suddenly took a long deep breath as he bolted upright, but then his eyes widened as he saw Harry, and he scrambled to his feet and ran out the staff room door, screaming as he went.

"Are you sure you didn't overdo the fear thing?" Tom asked as Flint disappeared out the door.

"Nah, he will be alright." Harry said with a shrug. "You though, need to take my arm. It'll keep you from being obliviated along with the rest of them."

"Harry please, there is no need for…" Dumbledore started to say, but Harry cut him off.

"I'm sorry Professor. I have to do it." Harry said with a sad smile. "You'll remember this another time, and I promise that I will make your next great adventure the best one yet. Hopefully it will make up for everything we have done."

Dumbledore sighed heavily, but then he smiled. "So you _are_ the Master of Death then?" He asked.

"All thanks to you." Harry replied with a nod. "Without you, this would not be possible. One day, after you have gotten mad at me for doing all this, I hope you will understand why I did it."

"I, myself just heard Mr. Flint's soul claim that you are fair and just, so I'm sure I will." Dumbledore said with a twinkle, as he gently patted Harry on the shoulder, but then he looked at Tom. "You're not really dangerous are you?" He asked with a smile.

"No sir." Tom said, as he tried not to let his voice crack when he looked Dumbledore in the eye. "Not this time, but I want to tell you that you have been my father five times in other adventures, and those were some of the happiest lives I have ever lived. As long as I have my memories, I will always see you as a friend, a mentor, and a father. You are a good man sir, you really are, and _this_ time, I love you, more than I fear you."

"Do you feel better now?" Harry asked quietly, as he gave Tom a small smile.

"Yes, yes I do." Tom replied. "I think I just needed to say it, so that he knows. Even though he won't remember it until later, but yes, I've said it, he knows, and I feel loads better." He admitted, as he shakily sat down in a nearby chair. This caused everyone to stare at him in shock, but Tom finally took a deep breath and looked right at Harry. "I just needed to say it out loud. Thank you Potter."

Harry simply nodded, but a happy tear escaped from Dumbledore's eye, as he looked at Tom and smiled. "I'm so glad to hear you say that Tom. I truly am, and I hope that whatever you both have planned, it is successful. I may not understand what is happening, but I think I have an inkling, considering what you have been saying about muggles and muggle borns. I also have a very strong feeling that whatever does happen, it will only be for the best. I look forward to hearing your story after all is said and done."

"If you don't try and kill us because of all the pranks and confusion." Tom said with a genuine smile.

"I agree." Harry said with a laugh, as Dumbledore chuckled merrily. "Just hang on to my wand Headmaster, and don't let it go for anything."

Dumbledore took out the Elder Wand, held it up, and looked at it, but then he smiled and nodded. "I will do my best, my boy."

"I know you will." Harry replied, as he gave Dumbledore another small smile.

"You know, sometimes I think you know more than you let on Potter." Tom laughed.

"I'm Death, not a seer Tom. I can't tell what the future holds."

"So says the Gary Stu who can do anything. Seeing the future is almost a requirement." He chuckled.

Harry glared at him. "I am NOT a Gary Stu." He said heatedly.

"Bella would disagree. She was, after all, a muggle fiction writer once. And by the way, all Gary Stus claim to not be Gary Stus." Tom replied with a smirk, as Harry grabbed ahold of his arm.

"Whatever." Harry replied, as he rolled his eyes. Then he rapped the end of his scythe on the floor, and said, "Obliviate." All was quiet for a moment, but then Harry cleared his throat. "You all only remember Draco being cursed by Marcus Flint, and that I used my puffing ability to get a muggle asthma inhaler, per Tom and Hermione's suggestion."

There was a large intake of breath, then chaos erupted as Dumbledore began giving out orders.

"Severus, alert Mr. Malfoy's parents and advise them of the situation. Tell them to come immediately because I have no doubt that Mr. Malfoy is asking for them. Minerva, as his Head of House, please accompany me to the hospital wing. Harry, you and your friends need to come with us as well. I want to know how this happened. Tom, please find Mr. Flint and show him to the hospital wing so that we can get all sides of the story. As for our previous conversation, I will look over the memory you gave me as soon as I can."

Tom simply nodded, but then he turned and headed out the door, as the rest of them scattered in different directions.

* * *

"We were all in the library doing some reading, and I was working on my essays that Professor Riddle set for me." Hermione nervously said as she stood at the edge of Draco's hospital bed, trembling under the glares of Lucius and Severus. "I needed Draco's help, so I walked over to the table where he was sitting. Draco was reading, while Flint and a few others were studying at the same table. When I got to their table, Flint told me to bugger off and said he didn't want to be seen with a mudblood, but I ignored him and turned my back on him. I told Draco Professor Riddle said for him to help me, and Draco told me he'd help me later in the common room. That's when I moved, and Draco was hit with the curse." She finally finished, as she looked at Dumbledore, McGonagall, Tom, and Snape with tears in her eyes.

"And how did you all end up in the staff room?" Minerva asked gently.

"Harry did it. I don't know what he did, but he stunned Flint, grabbed the rest of us, and we ended up in the staff room." Ron said, as he glanced at Harry.

"What _did_ you do?" Neville asked, looking at him with wide eyes, but Harry just sighed and hung his head.

"I call it puffing." He mumbled.

"Puffing?" Lucius scoffed, but Tom scowled at him.

He then launched into an extremely edited, and short, explanation of how Harry can 'puff', but he left no room for questions, which caused Lucius to swallow thickly and simply nod.

"I would also like to point out that if Miss Granger hadn't thought quickly and suggested a _muggle_ device for the cure, your son would be dead." He added coldly.

"Muggle?" Narcissa breathed, as Draco handed her the inhaler. She stared at it for a moment, but then she looked up in shock. "This…thing…is a cure for the _constrictor curse_?" She asked in disbelief.

"Apparently." Tom replied evenly. "Do not underestimate muggles Narcissa. They have the ability to bring the dead back to life."

"Hench the crash cart I stole from the muggle hospital. I really should get it back to them." Harry muttered.

"I think you need to see to that right away Potter. No doubt they are missing it." Tom smirked.

"Wait, that thing can bring the dead to life?" Narcissa asked, as she stared at the bright red crash cart Harry had brought with him when they left the staff room.

"Yes, and they are just as normal as they were before they died." Tom replied. "I doesn't _always_ work, because it depends on how badly the muggle who has died is injured, but most of the time it does."

"Muggles can do what magic cannot?" Lucius asked, as he curled his lip at the crash cart in disgust.

"Yes Lucius, welcome to the twentieth century." Tom snapped. "If more wizards actually paid attention to what the muggles are doing, we too may be able to bring the dead to life."

"Unless they have been dead for too long." Hermione squeaked.

"Too true Miss Granger. Five points to Gryffindork." Tom chuckled. "Unfortunately, if someone has been dead longer than ten minutes or so, there is generally no hope."

"Brain cells start to die around five minutes, and after that, a person can become a vegetable." Harry added meekly.

"Again, another five points to Gryffindork. What the muggles call being a vegetable, we call getting kissed by a dementor." Tom explained, when Lucius glared at Harry.

"So, muggles aren't as stupid as we think they are?" Draco asked in confusion, as he stared at the crash cart and the inhaler Narcissa was still holding.

"No Draco, they aren't." Tom said with a chuckle. "Now, if you will excuse me, I have to deal with Mr. Flint here, unless Professor Snape has any objections."

"No My…Professor Riddle."

"Good, we will be off then." Tom said in an angry tone, as he grabbed a wide eyed Flint by his robes and dragged him out of the hospital wing.

"Albus, do you think it wise…" Minerva asked nervously, as she watched them go.

"I'll check on Mr. Flint later, but I don't think we need to worry about him." Dumbledore replied, as he glanced at Harry, Ron, Neville, and Hermione. "In the meantime, Harry I think it is best if you don't puff out of school. You could get very hurt, and you might be seen by muggles. You are more than welcome to puff around the castle and grounds, however, that permission does not extend to Hogsmeade. Only those in third year and up are allowed to go there, and only on designated weekends. Now, I agree that the muggles should have their…cash cart, is it...back as soon as possible. You will return it from where you got it, and come straight back here. Be careful, and don't be seen."

"Yes sir." Harry said, then he grabbed it and puffed away.

Everyone, except Snape, stared in awe, but after a few moments Harry puffed back in. Dumbledore smiled at him with a twinkle in his eye, and nodded.

"Very good then. You four should return to Gryffindork Tower and get washed up for dinner. I suspect Mr. Malfoy will be just fine now, thanks to your quick thinking, but now he needs his rest."

"Yes he does." Madam Pomfrey agreed, as she began motioning towards the doors. "So shoo, all of you."

"We are staying with our son." Lucius snapped, and made no move to get up from his seat.

"Well of course you have the right to stay Mr. Malfoy, I was speaking to the others." She said with a cold glare, which caused Lucius to narrow his eyes at her.

Poppy simply huffed in annoyance, then quickly made her way back to her office. Dumbledore gave the Malfoys a stern look, before he, Snape, and McGonagall also left the hospital wing.

* * *

Dinner and the rest of the evening was uneventful, with the exception of Ron being overly ecstatic about the fact that they could get to classes and the great hall without walking. Hermione began scolding him, in only ways that she could, by saying that not only was it lazy to puff everywhere, but Harry was not a chauffeur and should not be treated as such. Ron didn't know what a chauffeur was, so Hermione very patiently explained it to him, and it was only after that when a red faced Ron apologized to Harry.

Harry just laughed and said it was ok, but he agreed with Hermione about it being a lazy way to travel. He did announce a plan to puff everyone to breakfast every morning, since they were all growing children and needed to take advantage of the 'most important meal of the day'. Hermione only rolled her eyes, but Ron grinned at Harry, who high fived both him and a laughing Neville.

It was only later that night, once everyone was asleep, that Harry puffed into the hospital wing after picking up a guest who was very concerned about Draco. When they arrived though, Harry was a bit surprised to see Draco sitting cross legged on the bed and reading a book via the still lit lamp next to his bed.

Lucius was passed out in a chair next to the bed, and Harry cast a quick charm to ensure he stayed that way, but he could see that Narcissa was only lightly dozing in her chair. He didn't bother to cast a charm at her though, because he wanted her to be privy to everything that was about to happen.

Besides, he rather liked Narcissa, or well, her soul at least.

"I see you're still awake." Harry said, as he calmly stepped out of the shadows and stood at the foot of Draco's bed.

Draco jumped a foot in the air and glared at a very amused looking Harry.

"What are you doing here Potter." He hissed.

"Just checking to see how you are doing. I also brought a friend with me. She wants to make sure you're doing well."

"I don't want to talk to Granger. I'll help her with her stupid bloody essays when I'm better." Draco said, as he scowled and pointedly returned to his book.

Harry smirked, but he was happy to note that Narcissa was fully awake now, although she pretended to be asleep.

"It's not Hermione. In fact, she's family." Harry chuckled, as Bella threw off the invisibility cloak.

"Draco," she purred softly, as she began waving her own wand over him. "How are you feeling? Is there any tightness still in your chest?"

"Aunt Bella!" Draco gasped. "What…how…why…Potter…"

Harry chuckled, but he ignored the stuttering boy and looked at Bella. "You know Madam Pomfrey is more than capable of looking after him."

"I know that Love." Bella said, as she continued to wave her wand over Draco. "But I need to be sure, for my own peace of mind." She added, before turning to Draco. "Answer my questions Draco. How do you feel? Any tightness?"

"N-no, but Madam Pomfrey said that if I feel any constriction in my chest that I need to use this m-mug-muggle thing. She has also given me an invigorating draught to keep me awake, just in case I do have a relapse. She said I might not be able to wake up and use it." He said, as he nervously gripped in inhaler in his hand, no doubt thinking she was going to flip out and destroy it, seeing as it was a muggle item.

"A wise decision." Bella said with a nod, as she smiled at her nephew and finally lowered her wand. "Your lungs are still a bit blocked, and if I should guess, you may have one or two more instances where you need to use the asthma inhaler. It is also wise to keep you awake. If I were her, I would keep you in here another two days just to be sure."

Draco stared at her in confusion, but his grip on the inhaler did loosen a bit.

"You're…you're not mad that it's a muggle thing that helped me to survive the constrictor curse?"

Bella chuckled lightly. "No, I'm not." She simply said, as she leaned over and kissed the top of his ruffled blond hair. "I'm just glad Harry was present, for if not, you would not be here right now."

"My father is angry that I owe Potter a life debt." He mumbled, causing Bella and Harry to snort.

"Would your fool of a father have preferred you died?" Harry asked, rolling his eyes as Bella snorted again.

"You forget Love, Malfoys don't like owing anyone anything." She said sarcastically.

"Well, Draco can just warn me to be very, _very_ careful around our Defense Professor, while informing me that he might be a dangerous man, and I will consider the life debt fulfilled." Harry chuckled.

"I think that is a splendid idea." Bella replied with a grin, causing Draco to stare at them.

"What do you know about Professor Riddle, Potter?" He asked, while sending an uneasy glace towards Bella.

"Only that he is an excellent Defense Professor, a nice man, and he seems to want to be my friend. I absolutely see no reason to be wary of him, especially if I have no warnings to the contrary." Harry said, as he feigned innocence and ignorance.

Bella chuckled quietly. "I should go. Sirius is waiting for me outside the doors, because he has a prank idea and I want to help him." She said, before turning to Draco. "I just wanted to make sure you were all right, and I'm glad you are. Stay in this bed until Madam Pomfrey says otherwise, and follow whatever directions she gives you." She added, kissing the top of his head once more.

She bent down and picked up the cloak, but before she disappeared under it, Harry snapped his fingers.

"Bella, I just remembered. I keep forgetting to tell you this, but I want you to heal the Longbottoms. I think it would be fitting for you to be the one to do it."

She gasped loudly, and stared at him with wide eyes that glittered in the lamp light.

"I had forgotten about them." She breathed. "I truly did. I'm assuming they are still…"

"Yes." Harry interrupted with a nod. "And if I may make a suggestion, I think a Christmas Miracle is in order. Neville once told me that he and his Gran go to visit them every Christmas. I know Christmas is still a few months away, but it won't hurt to wait until then."

She nodded vigorously. "I'll need your help getting in and out of St. Mungo's, but I think it is a lovely idea. I wish I had thought about it, but…I truly forgot."

"Don't worry about it, but I do think it would be a wonderful gift for the Longbottoms."

"As do I Love." She said with a brilliant smile. "Before I go though, is Cissy really asleep?"

"No, she's pretending." Harry simply said. "Though I made sure Lucius remained knocked out."

"Probably for the best." She said, as she bent down to give her sister a kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight Cissy, I love you. The Dark Lord does not wish anything that is said here tonight to get back to Lucius. It will be wise for you to remain quiet about whatever you have heard, or will hear." She whispered, as she winked at Harry. Then she threw the cloak over her head, and quietly disappeared into the shadows. It was only a moment later that they heard the soft creak of the hospital wing doors open, then close gently.

Draco stared after her, but then he glanced sharply at Harry. "What are you playing at Potter?"

"Nothing." Harry said with an innocent smile.

"Don't lie to me." Draco hissed. "You brought my Aunt Bella, who is an escaped _criminal_ and one of the Dark Lord's most loyal supporters, here to Hogwarts simply to visit me? I think there is more going on here that you are not telling me about."

Harry laughed. "Draco, I know you're confused, but that is the beauty of it. One day you will understand everything, but until then, let me give you a small piece of advice. Give up the Slytherin charade and embrace being a Gryffindor. I guarantee you will have more fun if you do."

Draco scoffed. "I don't belong in Gryffindor." He growled.

"Only you think that, but I beg to differ." Harry replied with a pleasant smile.

"As do I." Tom said suddenly, causing both boys to jump and Tom to laugh quietly. "I snuck up on _you_?" he asked, looking at Harry with glee. "I'm surprised at you Potter."

"I wasn't expecting you. I thought you were with Sirius and Bella." Harry chuckled.

"I will join them in pranking Severus in a bit. I just wanted to make sure Draco was all right."

"Bella says he is, though I have found out Lucius hates the fact that Draco owes me a life debt."

"Like _you_ need a _life_ debt." He laughed.

"I don't, but I hinted that if Draco warns me about you in a roundabout way, that I will consider the life debt fulfilled." Harry said nonchalantly.

Tom snorted. "I approve."

"You would." Harry replied as he rolled his eyes. "Why are you here?"

"I snuck in when Bella snuck out to see how Draco is doing. Since I have seen that he is doing well, I should be going if I want to help them prank Severus." Tom said, as he turned to leave, but Harry stopped him.

"They are almost to the dungeons. I'll puff you down to them in a second." He said.

"Are you going to join us?"

"No, I have otherworldly things to be getting on with, but just so you know, Bella already warned the still pretending to be asleep Narcissa not to relay anything said tonight to Lucius, so you don't need to repeat it."

Tom laughed. "Whatever you say Potter." He said, but then he turned to Draco. "It would also be wise not to repeat anything you have heard or seen to anyone else. If you do Draco, I will know."

"Yes sir." Draco squeaked as he glanced at Harry, who simply chuckled.

"Just remember what I said. Drop the Slytherin charade and embrace being a Gryffindor."

"Why are you telling me that?" Draco asked, as he nervously glanced at Tom.

"Because it is mysterious, and I know you will want to find out what is going on." He replied with a grin. "I don't like you Draco, but I do like your soul. It is a good, compassionate, funny, and downright likeable soul, but you will understand one day. I promise." He finished with a chuckle, but then he grabbed Tom's arm, and puffed them out of the hospital wing.

They left behind a thoroughly confused Draco and Narcissa, who could only stare after them.

* * *

Harry puffed Tom down to the dungeons and left him with Bella and Sirius, but then he left to take care of the day's sorting. It was pretty standard, but there was one woman from Inverness, Scotland who was very upset with being dead. She claimed some idiot nurse _lost_ a crash cart, and if it weren't for that she would still be alive. Harry cringed, mumbled an apology, and let her rant for a good fifteen minutes before sending her through the door on the left front side of the sorting room.

He figured he owed her that much.

When the sorting was over, Harry got a wonderful idea and let himself into Dumbledore's office. With one good rap on the floor with the end of his scythe, he had decorated the Headmaster's office, muggle style, for Halloween.

There was all manner of fake cobwebs with spiders and charmed ghosts, ghouls, witches on brooms, black cats, and pumpkins that moved and/or floated on their own, which was sure to delight and greatly amuse Dumbledore. He charmed the walls to change color and slowly fade from black, burnt orange, grey, and bright orange, and left a note on Dumbledore's desk telling him that if he _didn't_ like the changes, to announce it at breakfast and the decorations would be removed.

Though knowing Dumbledore's wild taste in such things, Harry didn't think that would be the case.

Fawkes, who Harry had simply transferred from real reality, watched in an amused sort of way, and even winked at Harry before the prankster left. Harry grinned, knowing fully well that Fawkes not only knew who he was, but what all had transpired since this alternate reality began.

Phoenixes are very smart after all, and luckily for Harry, the portraits didn't even wake up from their slumber during the redecorating.

When he puffed back to Tom's quarters to say goodnight to everyone, he found them all laughing hysterically, which caused him to quirk an eyebrow at them.

"What did you guys do?" He asked, as he leaned against Tom's desk.

"We charmed Severus purple from head to toe." Tom said with a grin, as he threw back a shot of firewhiskey.

"Purple?"

"Not just any purple," Sirius snorted, "Barney the Dinosaur purple."

"Oh Merlin help us." Harry said, as he burst out laughing.

"That's not all." Bella said with a grin, as she also took a shot of firewhiskey. "Knowing Severus as we do, we cast a strong compulsion charm on him so that he is forced to carry out his duties tomorrow. He will be forced to eat in the great hall, teach his classes, and do whatever it is he normally does, so he won't be able to hide in his office all day."

"And Bella is going to send our dear sweet Potions Master a little howler tomorrow, which will be charmed indestructible, so that everyone will know how _loved_ he is." Tom laughed.

"Wait, wait." Harry said, as his eyes grew wide. "You're not going to sing…"

"Yes I am." Bella interrupted with a burst of hysterical laughter.

"ACK! No! I hate that stupid song! It will get stuck in my head!" Harry cried.

"Too bad. It's going to be funny." Bella said.

"You do realize that the only ones who will get the joke are the muggle borns, don't you?" He asked, as he eyed all three of them dubiously.

"Them and the ones raised by muggles, and some half-bloods probably." Sirius laughed.

"Note to self, bring earmuffs to breakfast." Harry muttered.

"Wait, I just thought of something." Tom said, as he sat up quickly. "Has Barney actually been invented yet?"

Harry tilted his head to the side for a moment, but then he burst out laughing.

"No, it hasn't. We are six months too early. It was first released in America in April of 1992, and even then it took several more months before it came here, to the U.K."

"Oh who cares?" Bella said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "So we are a little early. Big deal."

"What she said." Tom said as he nodded in Bella's direction.

"You guys are crazy." Harry laughed. "Well, I'm headed to bed. I'll see all of you at breakfast, I'm sure."

"Oh, we are going to be there." Bella said.

"Wouldn't miss it." Tom added.

Sirius just laughed, but before Harry could puff away he looked at Harry seriously.

"So tell me Harry, when do you plan to bring James back?" He asked, causing Bella and Tom to raise their eyebrows at them.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, as he fought to keep a smirk off his face.

"Don't play dumb." Sirius chuckled. "You modified Tom's memory so that it showed James only getting _stunned_. So, when are you bringing him back?"

"Spoilers." Harry grinned.

Sirius glared at him for a moment, but then he chuckled. "We can't keep Remus in the dark forever you know. He have to bring him up to speed, and Peter too, I think. Imagine, all _four_ Marauders alive and back together again, only this time as adults! It's never been done in the history of Harry Potter fanfiction!"

"Harry Potter fanfiction?" Tom sputtered. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Sirius opened and closed his mouth a few times. "I have no idea actually. I know what fanfiction is, because after I fell through the Drapery of Death I became a muggle and wrote Star Wars fanfiction, but Harry Potter fanfiction…I'm just confused." He said in a bewildered tone as everyone looked at Harry, who simply shrugged.

"Don't look at me, I don't know."

There was a moment of confused silence, but then everyone shrugged.

"In any case," Sirius went on, as he practically bounced up and down in his seat with excitement. "It's Snape's absolute _worst_ nightmare, and think of all the chaos and confusion it will cause! A custody battle between James and Tom, but Dumbledore tries to keep the fact that Tom is Moldybum out of the news, while also trying to keep Harry in the dark. Poor, tragic, innocent Harry all caught up in the middle of it, and chaos and confusion everywhere!" He exclaimed, as he grinned at everyone like a lunatic.

"I think he's finally cracked." Bella laughed, causing Tom and Harry to snort.

"You know I'm right." He said with a dignified huff, though he couldn't help but chuckle.

"Question." Tom said, as he shook his head and poured another shot of firewhiskey. "How do we explain everything? I mean James has been 'missing' for ten years. Where's he been? And what about the letter you wrote Dumbledore? You already told him Peter was the secret keeper, so what about that? There are about a million other little things I could say 'what about…' as well. How do we explain them in a _believable_ fashion?"

"We will think of something." Bella said as she patted his arm. "Don't worry."

"Bella's right, Harry will think of something." Sirius added, causing Harry to burst out laughing.

"What this ' _Harry_ will think of something' crap?" He asked.

"Oh please, you know what I mean." Sirius grinned.

"Whatever." Harry said, as he rolled his eyes. "Let me do some pondering before we do anything. However, I do agree with bringing Remus up to speed, I feel bad about leaving him clueless. As for Peter though, maybe. I wanted him to protect the Weasleys and I only told him that B.S. story to keep him from running off."

"But think of how much better Peter can protect them if he has all his memories." Sirius said.

"You may have a point. Ok, I'll give it some thought." Harry finally conceded.

It would throw off his plans for Peter, but he did have to admit that this might be an even better plan. The four Marauders back together again as adults.

Snape's wort nightmare indeed.

"Good." Sirius said with a large grin. "It's settled then."

Tom rolled his eyes. " _Nothing_ is 'settled'. There is still…"

"Just let him enjoy this moment." Bella said, as they continued to watch a manically grinning Sirius's eyes glaze over.

Harry simply laughed. "Well, when he comes out of his daydreaming, tell him I said goodnight. It's late."

"Too true." Bella said. "Goodnight Love."

"Night." Tom said, as he raised his shot glass to his lips.

"Goodnight guys." Harry chuckled, then he puffed back to the dorms.

* * *

 ***A/N* Sorry guys! I know it's been a while. I've been sitting on this chapter for a long time, but today I finally got off my lazy bum and decided to finish it.**

 **With that said, I was a little iffy about bringing James back to life because it would throw off some crazy ideas I have for later chapters, but I figured out a good work around and I think I can still pull them off even though he is alive. For those of you who are sure to ask, no, Lily will not be a major part of this story. She may appear at the end, but until then, it's up to Bella to keep the boys 'on track'.**

 **Besides, having all four Marauders alive, as adults, and with all their memories in tact seems like to good an opportunity to pass up. I'm sure it has been done once or twice, but I have never personally seen it, so I think they are really rare.**

 **Anyway, last chapter I said I would have Halloween in this one, but this one became too long, so my Halloween fun will be in the next chapter. I think you all will find it enjoyable. There is a VERY big surprise though, and even Harry is going to be caught off guard, so be on the lookout for that!**

 **Until next time my lovelies!**


	8. I Swear We're Stuck In A Crackfic!

***A/N* Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while, but the bug for this story finally kicked in again so I decided to finish this chapter.**

 **Just a few things first. Remember when I said Lily won't be a part of this story? Yeah, I sorta changed my mind! Keep reading to find out more! I hope you enjoy!**

 **For those of you waiting on an update to C &C, I am about halfway through the next chapter and hope to have it up in a few weeks! Im so glad to be back!**

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

 **"I Swear We're Stuck in a Crackfic!"**

 _Dear Remus,_

 _I don't want to alarm you, but I think we may have been wrong about Sirius. I don't think he was the secret keeper. In fact, I have solid proof that it was young Mr. Pettigrew. A lot has happened this year, and if I may, I want to let you know what has been taking place._

 _It all started when Voldemort imperiused me to allow him to take the job as Defense Professor…._

Remus sighed heavily, as he sat in a chair in his rundown shack and reread the letter from Dumbledore for what seemed like the millionth time. He had received it just that morning, and while most of it was disturbing, some of it was downright horrifying.

 _Sirius is innocent._ He thought, as he sighed with despair and slumped further down into the chair he was sitting in. _He's been innocent all along, and I just let him rot in Azkaban._

"What kind of friend am I?" He asked the empty shack he lived in. "What kind of _monster_ let's his friends…"

"…carry on pranking the world without having the decency of lending a hand?" A voice from the darkness asked. "A pretty poor one Moony."

Remus leapt up from his chair and had his wand out in seconds.

"Who's there?" He demanded sternly, wondering how and why this person was able to sneak up on him without his werewolf senses alerting him to their presence.

"An old friend." Harry said with a grin, as he shuffled into view.

"James?" Remus asked in a strangled whisper.

Harry chuckled. "I think I'm a bit small to be Dad, Moony, but I take it as a compliment anyway."

"Harry?" Remus said in an equally strangled whisper. "How did you…why are you…sweet Merlin you look like your father." He finally said as he slowly lowered his wand. "Except for your eyes…"

"They are my Mum's." Harry said with a gentle smile. "I've been told that before."

Remus just stood there staring at Harry for a moment, but then he took an unconscious step back as he held up his hands.

"Harry, as much as I would love to give you a hug right now, I'm not safe. You see, I have a condition…"

Harry rolled his eyes, but Remus's actions weren't unexpected. The full moon was tomorrow after all.

"Remus, before you start with the woe is me, life is pain, I'm a werewolf bit, let me save a bunch of time and questions by doing this…."

He puffed in front of the stunned man and touched his forehead without an explanation, then he stepped back and watched with a grin on his face. Remus cried out in shock as he stumbled around at the onslaught of memories, but after a minute or so, he finally straightened up and looked at Harry.

Then he promptly burst out laughing.

After a few minutes, he sat down in the raggedy chair and attempted to catch his breath, but after glancing up at Harry again, he began laughing once more.

"Goodness, even Sirius didn't find it _that_ funny." Harry laughed, as Remus shook his head and dried the tears that were streaming down his face.

"I'm sorry Harry, I just find it hysterical!" He cried. "I mean, here we are back in 1991, and you and Sirius have obviously cooked up something major. I cannot _wait_ to see what you guys have in store!"

"Well, it's not just us. Bella and Tom are in on it too." Harry replied.

Remus stopped dead still and stared at Harry once more, before bursting into laughter again. Harry just stood there wondering if Remus was cracking up mentally, but finally the old wolf got himself together and stood up.

"I'm sorry." He sputtered, as he engulfed Harry in a hug. "I really am, but damn Harry, I just…I just…I don't even know what to say."

"What you need is an explanation, but I actually don't have the time to give it to you. I just left them sitting in Tom's quarters at Hogwarts. They have pranked Snape, and I have to be there in the morning to see it play out. What I can do is puff you back to Tom's quarters and let them explain everything. I have classes tomorrow, so I can't be up too late and its already past midnight."

"All right." Remus said as he chuckled. "But before you do…"

He trailed off as he pulled out his wand and cast two charms over himself. One was a charm invented in 2062 by an Irish wizard, and it allowed a werewolf to keep his human mind without the aid of the complicated and expensive Wolfsbane potion. The other charm he cast was invented in 2236 by a Canadian witch, and it negated the pain that came with the transformation all together.

"Now I feel much better." Remus said with a sigh, as he stood up and began popping his back, knees, neck, fingers, and any other joint mentionable.

"Do you want me to take the curse from you all together?" Harry asked, not even flinching at the sound of popping joints.

"Nah." Remus said with a shake of his head. "Being a werewolf is what makes up 'Remus Lupin'. Besides, I think I'm the only soul who has been a werewolf twelve stinking times!" He exclaimed. "Not that I complained after these wonderful charms were invented, and anyway without the wolf I'm just another wizard. I wouldn't be Moony."

Harry smiled fondly. "I suppose you have a point. If you change your mind though, just let me know."

"I won't. These charms were lifesavers to werewolves everywhere when they were invented. I'll be fine now."

"If you're sure then." Harry said with a chuckle. "Shall we?" He added, as he offered Remus his arm.

"We shall." Remus replied with a large grin.

Then Harry puffed them back to Hogwarts.

* * *

The next morning, Harry and company filed into the great hall in a somewhat normal fashion, though everyone kept shooting odd looks at Harry due to his ear muffs. His explanation of 'my ears are cold' wasn't fooling anyone, especially Fred and George, who looked around the great hall with grins on their faces as they tried to figure out what the prank was.

It wasn't until Snape walked in that everyone realized that something was about to happen. Harry looked at Snape oddly though, because he wasn't purple like expected. Instead, he was solid white. His hair was white, his robes were white, and skin was just as white as a sheet of paper.

Snape, quite literally, growled at everyone who dared to snort as he walked by, but as he sat down at the head table, his gaze travelled over to the Gryffindor table where Harry, who now had tears streaming down his face as he tried not to laugh, was sitting.

And Harry would have gotten away without laughing out loud, if it hadn't been for Tom.

The other Professors hadn't said a word, though most, including Dumbledore, were unsuccessfully trying to hide their amusement, but Tom shattered the shaky atmosphere all together when he walked in.

With an over-exaggerated flair, Tom stopped dead in his tracks and exclaimed loudly, "Good God Severus, what happened to you?! Did you fall into a vat of flour?!"

Everything descended into chaos as students and Professors alike gave into their laughter.

 _He is such a devious bastard._ Harry thought, as he and Ron leaned against each other and howled with laughter.

Snape looked murderous, but there wasn't anything he could really do, considering it was Tom who had set off the powder keg. It took a minute or two for everyone to settle down, but Tom took his normal seat and simply pretended that he was over his 'shock.' Harry still didn't know why Snape was white instead of purple, but the answer soon came with the morning mail.

He hid a smirk when a plain brown barn owl, with a familiar red envelope in its beak, landed lightly beside the still scowling potions Professor. It dropped the letter beside his plate and took off quickly as everyone stared at it. The letter began to smoke ominously, but before Snape could even reach out to grab it, it exploded.

Harry nearly lost it completely, as Bella's disguised off key voice began singing in a childlike manner.

 _Casper, the friendly ghost, the friendliest ghost you know. Though grown-ups might look at him with fright, the children all love him so._

 _He always says hello, and he's really glad to meetcha. Wherever he may go, he's kind to every living creature._

 _Grown-ups don't understand why children love him the most. But kids all know that he loves them so, Casper the friendly ghooooost!_

After the howler ripped itself apart, the great hall went completely still, until a few brave muggle borns began snorting and snickering. It was then that Harry gave up all pretense and once again started howling with laughter. This set off every other muggle born and raised who was familiar with the old cartoon.

Snape's face, despite his charmed visage, began to redden with rage.

"POTTER!" He screamed, causing Harry to only laugh harder.

This seemed to piss Snape off even more. The man drew his wand and, as fast as lightning, snapped off a reducto curse. Harry, who was now coughing due to all the laughing he was doing, absentmindedly reached out and grabbed the blue ball of magic with his bare hands.

This caused an abrupt silence, as everyone stared at Harry in shock.

"Holy crap! Do you see that?" Someone exclaimed loudly, causing Harry to look up sharply.

He stared at the curse in his hand with wide eyes, then promptly crushed the ball of magic, causing it to dissipate with a loud pop as if it were simply a balloon.

"Ooops." Harry muttered loudly, as he stared at Tom.

"Ooops? That's all you have to say to that?" He asked, causing Harry to shrug.

"What the HELL Snivellus?" Sirius suddenly bellowed, as he, Bella, and Remus chucked off their invisibility cloaks. "That could have killed somebody!"

"Crucio!" Bella shouted, causing Snape to instantly conjure a slab of stone to block it, which exploded on impact.

"Honestly woman, I'm sitting right here!" Tom cried as he jumped out of the way of flying debris.

"Sorry." She snarled through gritted teeth, as everyone's eyes became wider than galleons at the sight of the two Azkaban fugitives and the unknown wizard who was with them.

"That was us who did that to you, not Harry you great big greasy bat!" Sirius continued to yell.

"Um, Harry, if I were you, I'd do something quick." Remus muttered, as he stood behind Harry with his wand leveled at the head table, as Dumbledore scrambled to his feet.

"You're lucky Harry's instincts are spot on." Bella said coldly as she glared at Snape, who seemed to be frozen as he glanced at Bella, Sirius, Remus, and Tom. "Because I saw him. He was too busy coughing to really be paying attention to what was going on around him. If he hadn't been so quick, those other children around him…COULD HAVE DIED!" She screamed.

"Well, it's not like they would have stayed that way." Tom said, causing Bella to glare at him.

"That's not the point!" She snapped, causing Tom to throw up his hands in surrender as he backed away slowly.

"Bella's right." Harry said darkly. "It would have taken a massive amount of maneuvering to bring Neville, Ron, and Hermione back to life. I would have had to gather up their splattered bits, put them back together piece by piece, and hope I didn't miss anything important. I can work most miracles, but splattered bits are the worst. Snape's lucky I'm feeling generous today though, because I'm seriously rethinking his 'alive' status right now, and let me tell you, if I kill him, his soul would cease to exist."

"What do you mean?" Tom asked, as he glanced at Harry nervously.

Harry sighed. "To be slain by Death is the ultimate death. There is no 'next great adventure'. If I kill someone, they stay that way forever. You will cease to exist…period. That's why I don't kill people. I can, but I won't, not even if you have the blackest soul on Earth. I truly feel it is not my place to make that decision. The Original Death felt the same way and it's the reason he created dementors, and why I also create them. It allows me to kill the body, but not the soul."

"Note to self, have Tom and Bella do the killing if need be, not you." Sirius said thoughtfully.

"Pranking Snape may not have been the best idea, but for him to throw a reducto into a group of semi-defenseless children is just not right." Remus said. "You're not going to kill him though, are you Harry?"

"No, it's not my place to erase his soul from existence." Harry replied, as he glared daggers at Snape. "But he only did that because I was laughing at him. I think something in his brain shorts out when a Potter laughs at him and he acts on impulse."

"Sometimes," Bella added, as she also glared at Snape, "I question your thought process."

"Sometimes I wonder if Snivellus even thinks."

"Shut up Sirius, that's not helping." Remus said, not taking his eyes off Snape.

Sirius rounded on Remus. "Why?!" He shouted. "Why do I have to be the one to shut up? I am sick and tired of Snivellus getting away with shit simply because he's had an 'oh so tragic life'. I'm sick of it!" He repeated. "He is NOT the only abused child here, and I'm sick of that always being an excuse for his actions! I'm tired of hearing 'well he's had a tough life', and all that bull shit! Snape is not the only one with an 'oh so tragic life'. Harry's life was hell, and one of the people who made it that way is THAT arsehole, you had to put up with ignorant prejudice simply because you're a werewolf, muggle borns have to put with pure-blood stupidity, and let's not mention Tom and the shit he put up with at the orphanage simply because he was different. Snape and, Tom for that matter if you base this off real reality, just never grew up and dealt with their issues."

"Let's just leave me out of this, because I really don't think I count." Tom interrupted with a shake of his head. "I got my revenge, though I went about getting it in the worse possible way." He added, causing Dumbledore to gasp, but the Headmaster kept quiet and continued to listen.

"But Sirius…"

"But nothing Remus!" Sirius continued to shout. "So, James, Peter, you, and me all gave him hell during school. Big fucking deal! HE FOUGHT BACK! Or doesn't anyone remember all the times he tried to get us expelled and tried to curse us with DARK MAGIC when our backs were turned? I screwed up that night with the shrieking shack incident, I admit that, but he SUSPECTED what you were and HE STILL WENT! That part was NOT MY FAULT. Now he's all pissy because James saved his life and he took that anger out on Harry who was nothing but AN INNOCENT KID! Snape was eyeball deep into the dark arts, and he was never afraid of using it against us! Snivellus has done nothing with his adult life except hate on anything Potter. He takes his shit out on Harry, and I'm fucking tired of it!"

Sirius was panting from exertion, but he took a deep breath and began to gear up for more. Remus didn't try to stop him simply because he knew Sirius was hot-headed, and the man wouldn't stop until he had said what was on his mind.

"And DO NOT let me hear one person say that Snape protected Harry from Tom. THAT IS BULL SHIT! Snape didn't do that for Harry, he did it because he felt guilty for what happened in the Hog's Head, not to mention the fact that he was still perving on Lily! Snivellus could have taken Harry aside, told him what was going on and then told him that in private they could be friends, but in front of others he had to treat Harry badly because the children of Death Eaters would tattle on him to Tom. Harry would have understood that, but Snivellus didn't because he can't stand the fact that Lily choose James after Snivellus called her a mudblood! Harry was DESPERATE for anything about his parents, but Snivellus was too much of a selfish bastard to say, 'hey I knew your Mum, I can tell you all about her'! We could tell Harry all about James, but we didn't really get to know Lily until after they got together."

Sirius's voice was gruff and raspy by the time he finished that spiel, but then he suddenly grabbed a nearby goblet off the Hufflepuff table, downed the contents, and rounded on Harry, of all people.

"AND YOU!" He shouted as he pointed right at Harry, whose eyes grew wide. "The-Boy-Who-Lived, The-Chosen-One, The-Man-Who-Won, Voldemort Vanquisher, Master-of-Death, Death himself, The Grim Reaper. I don't care what your fucking name is, because to me you will ALWAYS be Harry James Potter, my godson, and right now I'm pissed at you!"

"Why!" Remus, Bella, Tom, and Harry exclaimed, causing Sirius to scoff loudly.

"Why, they ask." He muttered darkly. "Why?! Because of this bull shit!" He shouted, as his finger angrily flicked from Harry to Snape. "You call what you're doing to him 'tough love'. That's crock Harry! You want him to see that you're not James, again I call bull shit! All you want is Snivellus's approval, that's why you're doing this to him! That's why you're trying so hard to get him to see that you aren't your Dad."

"That's not true!" Harry shouted, as he scowled at Sirius.

"Oh really?" Sirius huffed. "Harry, you named your child Albus SEVERUS Potter for Merlin's sake. To this day Severus is still a traditional name in the Potter family. I know, because I spent one of my lives as Severus James Potter!"

Remus sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please don't tell me that's why you're suddenly taking your anger out on Harry."

"No." Sirius snapped harshly. "That was a brilliant life, one of my better ones in fact. Tommy boy was my brother, Harry James Potter the Sixteenth."

"We had a lot of fun." Tom muttered.

"Then why…"

"Remus, Snape should be the one groveling at Harry's feet while asking forgiveness, not Harry trying to seek the git's approval."

"I'm not trying to seek his approval!"

Sirius simply glared at him.

"Ok fine! So, I am! Big deal!" Harry shouted. "Why do you even care?"

"Because he treated you like shit!"

"He did what he had to do! In the end, he gave me his memories!"

"So, he could gain your trust, and so you could carry out Dumbledore's plan for your suicide mission! And don't get me started on THAT!" Sirius yelled as he glared at Albus.

"It all worked out in the end." Harry grumbled as he shifted around uncomfortably.

"For you." Tom said as he rolled his eyes.

"Not helping Tom." Bella snickered. "Even you admit that if you had won the final battle things would have been _really_ bad. I was killed by Molly Weasley, with a cooking spell no less, but I'll never forget what she said. 'Not my daughter, you bitch!' It was brilliant. The only thing that would have been better is if Neville would have killed me, and said something like, 'For my parents, you bitch!'" She rambled, in order to try and diffuse the tension so Sirius would calm down and stop yelling.

"I still might!" Neville suddenly shouted, causing Bella to smile sadly at him.

"For what it's worth Longbottom, I'm so sorry. I know there is nothing I can do to make up for the last ten years, but I do plan to heal your parents come Christmas. Harry is going to help me give you a Christmas Miracle, and you will have your parents back. They will be healed and whole again."

"You…you will?" Neville breathed, as he stared at her in shock.

"I promise." Bella said with a smile.

"Am I to understand," Dumbledore interjected calmly, "that you all are from the future?"

"Sort of." Tom replied. "This is an alternate reality actually. Harry and I made this world because he was bored and wanted something to do. In all honesty, this is just a big prank to watch you, Severus, and everyone else run around like chickens trying to keep Harry safe and me from suddenly going on a killing spree."

"What?!" A simpering, squeaky voice suddenly cried. "I thought Harry said he has been living with The Dark Lord?"

Ron screamed, but everyone else whipped around as Peter made his presence known by suddenly shifting into his human form. Peter scrambled off the table where he had been placed, and stood by as he cowered under everyone's gaze.

The rest of the great hall seemed to be frozen in fear while all this was going on, but Dumbledore was beaming with pleasure as he continued to watch and listen.

"Hi Peter." Sirius said somewhat calmly, as he gazed at his old friend. "Welcome to alternate 1991. As Tom said, we've already lived this life once, two-thousand years ago, but since Harry is the immortal being Death, he created this world because he was bored."

"What?" Peter asked again, as he simply stared at Sirius in confusion.

"Here, let me." Harry said, as he gently touched Peter's forehead.

Everyone watched as Peter squeaked then began to sway. Just like with the others, he suddenly shifted to a younger appearance, where he looked healthy and not at all like the rat like man he had become.

"Woah." Peter said, as he stared around at everyone, but then he cringed. "You guys aren't mad at me anymore?"

"Peter, it was two-thousand years ago." Remus said, as he clapped him on the back. "Trust me, we're over it."

"But Sirius is still mad at Snivellus, and what about James and Lily? Are they around somewhere, and are they still mad at me?" Peter asked nervously.

"It's fine Peter." Harry laughed. "Dad's over it, Mum's over it. Trust me, no one is mad at you anymore."

"And what about you, M-My L-Lord?" He asked, with a slight cringe.

"It's Tom, Peter." Tom said with a chuckle. "Yes, I'm still Voldemort, but because I have my memories, I just don't have the drive to act like Voldemort. In truth, he doesn't really exist. We are just pretending because it's funny to watch people act the way they do because I'm here…at Hogwarts…teaching young impressionable minds." He added with a grin.

"Then why did you send me confirmation of what Harry said through my dark mark? That bloody hurt, you bastard!" Peter cried, causing everyone to laugh.

Tom recovered enough to sputter, "I have to keep up the Voldemort persona somehow, so it's the little things."

"He still has a slight sadistic streak." Harry added.

"Can you please take this off of me then? I don't want it anymore." Peter said, as he rolled up his left sleeve.

"All right, come here." Tom said with a laugh, as he motioned Peter over.

Peter quickly scrambled over to him, but Dumbledore was staring at everyone as if he was finally starting to understand what was happening.

 _"Finite Incantatem."_ Tom hissed in Parseltongue.

"Fascinating." Dumbledore breathed, as he watched the dark mark slowly disappear. "Why do I have a feeling I've known this before though?"

"Because Harry obliviated you yesterday when Flint tried to curse Hermione, but hit Draco instead." Bella replied with a shrug.

"And I have a feeling this isn't going to be the last time I preform a mass obliviation." Harry laughed.

"Yeah, we seem incapable of keeping this a secret." Sirius snorted, but then he sighed heavily. "Though my rant didn't help, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you Harry. If you want to seek Snape's approval, it's not my business. You're a grown man who's also an immortal being with all the magical powers of the universe at your beck and call. Thank you for not striking me dead."

"It's fine Sirius." Harry chuckled as he shook his head. "You're a hot-headed idiot and your mouth always engages before your brain does."

Sirius simply laughed. "Just hurry and bring James back to life. I really miss him."

"Are you really bringing James back?" A much happier Peter asked as he looked at Harry with a grin. "That would be bloody brilliant!"

"I am, but…"

"…we have to figure out some things first." Tom cut in. "Like where has James been for the last ten years, because we are saying I simply stunned him instead of killed him."

"Yeah, that and Mum killed herself." Harry laughed. "I've already fashioned Tom a fake memory as to what happened in Godric's Hollow that night, but I have an idea to explain Dad's absence. I'll tell you guys about it later though."

"But you're not bringing Lily back to life?" Peter asked.

"No. At the moment Mum is a little ten-year-old muggle girl living in Spain. While I COULD easily whip up a magical core to give to her, it would cause her a tremendous amount of pain to install and I honestly don't want to put her through that."

"Wait," Peter said quickly. "I've never understood that, and it is part of the reason I always ask to become another wizard. If Lily is a muggle, wouldn't she have to be sorted like one?" He asked in confusion.

"No, not at all." Harry said with a shake of his head. "Mum, and others like her who choose to become muggles in their next lives, still have a magical soul. When you go from muggle to wizard, I just simply install a magical core back into your body as you walk through the sorting room's door. You don't feel it because you aren't really alive yet. That's were muggle borns come from. A magical soul who chooses to become a muggle still passes a small bit of magic on to their children, and it just grows in each generation until a muggle born is born. Squibs come from people simply wanting to be born a muggle, but who still wish to know about the magical world. It's odd I know, but you'd be surprised at what kind of life someone requests."

"I didn't know that." Peter said in awe. "And James…?"

"Dad is a ten-year-old wizard living here in the UK. He will actually be at Hogwarts come my third year. However, because I am Death and have the ability and knowledge to safely play around with necromancy, I plan to have a dementor suck out his soul, dig up his corpse, and stuff his soul back into his old body, once I have reversed the decomposition."

"But he's a skeleton!" Bella gasped, causing Harry to shake his head.

"Not really. Dad's magic has somewhat preserved his body. Muggles, even with embalming, decompose rapidly, but magic keeps witches and wizards preserved for a lot longer. Even though it's been ten years, due to the magic, Dad is still a bit juicy to be honest."

"Can we please not talk about 'juicy' dead corpses? I did just eat breakfast." Peter said, as he slightly turned green at the thought.

"It's fascinating though." Tom said thoughtfully. "I mean, witches and wizards don't make a habit of digging up other witches and wizards who have died in order to study the effects of decomposition. It's a study worth looking into honestly."

Harry started laughing. "You only say that because you spent one of your lives as a forensic anthropologist and studied at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville. You had way too much fun at the Body Farm."

Tom simply grinned. "Go Vols!" He cried, causing Remus to blow a raspberry at him.

"ROLL TIDE!"

"Ok, that's it! Let's go werewolf!" Tom shouted, as he threw down his napkin. "You do realize we can't be friends anymore, right?"

"No, no, no!" Bella shouted, as she waved her arms franticly. "I refuse to stand around listening to British grown men natter on about what Americans consider 'football'."

"Woman, you just need to go stand over there." Tom said, as he pointed to an out of the way corner of the room. "The men are talking."

"Ok," Sirius said as he jumped up and ran to hide behind Harry, while Bella glared darkly at Tom. "I'm moving before a duel breaks out."

"So, you hide behind your Godson?" Remus asked with a laugh, causing Sirius to shrug.

"He's Death and can't die." Sirius simply replied, causing Harry to snort as Bella huffed loudly.

"How did Lily do it!?" She cried. "How did Lily put up with four grown _children_? Two of you went from screaming at each other to suddenly alright in a span of three minutes. Then you all start talking about American football! I'm going to lose my mind with all of this nonsense!"

"Well, it's sort of a man thing. Trust me Bella, screaming at each other on minute, to smiles the next is nothing new." Peter said, "As far as Lily putting up with us though, if you simply replace Tom with James, it's pretty much the same, but when Harry brings James back, it's only going to get worse."

"That…that…really didn't help Peter." Sirius laughed, as Bella moaned loudly.

"I'm just trying to be honest." Peter replied with a shrug. "Forewarned and all that rot…"

This only caused Bella to moan even louder. "Lily, Lily, I really need your help! Pleeeeease!"

Dumbledore suddenly burst out laughing. "My dear girl, I'm sure if Lily were here she would gladly help you out, but something tells me you are strong enough to keep _five_ grown children in line just fine. Six if you count Harry."

"Albus!" McGonagall cried, "How can you be ok with this?"

Dumbledore turned to with a twinkle in his eye. "Because I know that none of us are in danger. I think I'm really going to enjoy seeing how this plays out, even though I know I'm going to be obliviated again. Harry is not going to let anything terrible happen, and if someone dies, he will just bring them back to life. Don't you see Minerva, it's a prank, and a lovely one at that!" He cried happily.

"Not all of us find it as amusing as you, and for the record, I'm not going to grovel at Potter's feet for any sins I may have committed two-thousand years ago. I don't care if he's Death or not, and he will never get my approval." Snape drawled, bringing his existence back to the attention of everyone else.

Sirius jumped up and started for Snape, but Remus nailed him with a body-bind.

"You say that now simply because you don't remember the first time. I'm only acting how you thought I acted the first time around." Harry said with a glare, as he ignored Remus and Sirius. "With any luck, I can get you to see that I am NOT my Dad."

Snape simply glared at him. "Which one?" He sneered.

"James of course." Tom said with a shrug. "That bit about him being my son is all tosh and nonsense."

"I knew it!" Snape cried. "I told you it was a prank Headmaster!"

Dumbledore sighed heavily. "So, you did Severus. This simply proves what I have said for years, even I can be wrong sometimes. However," he added brightly, "since this has happened before, I'm sure you all know about the prophecy, so I can officially say that I'm glad the prophecy is not in play. With Harry being Death, and Tom not…"

Suddenly Trelawney, who had decided to grace the population of Hogwarts with her presence that morning, sucked in a deep long breath and slowly rose to her feet.

 _"The giant Mouse shall give rise to the Evil One. Pure-bloods shall tremble, while half-bloods and Muggle-borns all laugh at the entertainment. A Dark Presence has entered the world, and he shall give her his aid. Queen she shall become, as Death tries to destroy her and restore order. The Queen is coming…the Evil Queen is coming…beware of the red apples!"_ She cried, then simply sat back down as if nothing happened. "Can you pass the tea Pomona? I'm suddenly feeling parched." Trelawney said, as Sprout stared at her in horror.

Harry glared at Dumbledore. "You just HAD to mention the P-word, didn't you?"

Dumbledore simply grinned. "Well, seeing as I won't remember this, I shall just say, good luck Harry. I'm sure you'll be successful in defeating this new evil. Tom, I hope you will help him and not fall back into old habits and join her." He added, causing Tom to roll his eyes.

"The 'giant mouse'? What the hell does that mean?" Sirius, who had broken free of Remus's body-bind, suddenly asked as he eyed Peter suspiciously.

"Hey, don't look at me!" Peter cried. "It's not my fault this time! I'm a rat, not a mouse. There IS a difference there."

"Wait a minute," Bella said as she stared at the ceiling. "Giant Mouse, entertainment, Evil Queen, and red apples. That all seems very familiar…holy crap!" She cried, then promptly burst out laughing.

"Bella, your lack of helpful insight is grating on my nerves." Tom said as he gave her the 'Voldemort' glare.

She simply giggled. "It's Disney you morons!"

"What!?" Harry, Remus, Tom, Peter, and Sirius cried.

"Mickey Mouse is a giant mouse!" Hermione suddenly cried, then gasped and quickly covered her mouth as everyone turned to look at her.

"Muggle-borns will laugh at the entertainment…" Remus said as he started to laugh. "I get it now."

"I swear we're in a crackfic!" Sirius shouted, causing everyone to stop and stare at him.

"What the hell is a crackfic?" Several people asked in unison.

"It's…it's a fanfiction thing." He replied.

Tom looked at him in confusion. "So, we're back to the Harry Potter fanfiction thing again?"

"Never mind that." Harry said impatiently. "We need to figure out what in the hell is going on. I do not like the fact that I am ONCE AGAIN part of a stupid proph…"

"Don't say the P-word!" Sirius yelped.

"Riiight…" Harry muttered. "Anyway, I don't like it, but at least I have some type of warning this time." He added with a sigh.

"I just think you need to go ahead and obliviate everyone so that we can figure this out privately." Tom said.

"You're right." Harry replied with a nod. "Ok everyone, gather together. This won't take but a second…"

* * *

As Harry's mass obliviation spell rolled over the great hall, which took everyone's memories back to the point just after Bella's howler, a 'Dark Presence' sat up in the rafters and grinned down at them.

"Hmm, so it didn't take them long to put the prophecy together, but they still don't know everything." It chuckled. "Now all I have to do is find a suitable candidate for my 'Evil Queen', but who shall it be?" It muttered as it stared into the crowd below.

Then it spotted Bella.

"Ah yes. Someone Bella mentioned. Lily…sweet little Lily…" Then the Dark Presence cackled with glee as it rubbed its hands together. "Potter, you may not want to put your mother through so much pain by shoving a magical core into her current muggle body, but I know she's tougher than you think. Once I have explained everything to her, I know she will want to play along. After all, I've known her longer than you have."

After once more cackling with glee, the Dark Presence simply disappeared in a wispy puff of black smoke.

* * *

Later that night, as darkness reigned over the Spanish coast, the Dark Presence glided easily through the streets. Once it came upon its final destination, it ghosted into the house, passed the muggles in the living room, up the stairs, and came to rest outside of a cheerful pink bedroom door. After it slipped inside the room, it cast wards to keep others away, then turned and grinned at the sleeping little girl wrapped up in a purple blanket.

"Isabel, Isabel. Wake up my sweet girl." It whispered in a kind, gentle voice. "Wake up Isabel."

"Sí?" Came the sleepy reply.

"¿Habla ingles?"

"Sí…I mean…yes." Said the tiny voice, as the girl sat up and rubbed her eyes sleepily. "Who…who are you sir?" She asked, as she spied the strange shadowy man sitting in the chair beside her bed. "Are you Ratoncito Pérez?"

"No." The Dark Presence replied with a chuckle. "I'm not a little mouse, sweet girl. He has already been here and taken your tooth."

"Oh!" She cried, and dove under her pillow. She brought out three shiny coins and held them up in the moonlight.

"Very well done." The Dark Presence said with a proud smile.

"Who are you then?" She asked, looking at him curiously. "I don't know you. Are you here to hurt me?" She asked, suddenly becoming very frightened as she slid to the far side of her bed.

"No not at all." He answered reassuringly. "But I was wondering if I may touch your forehead. I promise who I am will be realized in short order once I do."

"Touch my forehead?" She asked in confusion. "That's all?"

"That's all."

"Ok then." She replied with a small whimper. "If you hurt me though, I will scream for my Papá."

"And I will take your warning very seriously Miss Isabel." He said with a small smile.

She seemed to relax a little when he said her name, but tensed again as he leaned towards her.

"Boop." He giggled as he touched her forehead, causing her to giggle back.

Then things changed abruptly.

Her body, nor her face changed, but her eyes widened as her memories came flooding back. Then she really began staring at the man sitting in front of her, and finally gasped.

"You! How am I Isabel again? It's impossible…Harry is...has something happened? Where's my son?" She asked in a rush, as her childlike voice turned hard and cold with the last question.

"Hello Lily." The Dark Presence said with a smirk. "Harry is perfectly fine, but perhaps I should start at the beginning and get you up to speed."

An hour later, Lily sat back and laughed for all she was worth.

"So, are you in?" The Dark Presence asked with a chuckle.

"Oh, a chance to prank the pranksters, including James when Harry brings him back? Yeah, I'm in."

"I thought you would be. You do realize though, that death and destruction are part of the game, right?"

"Yeah, I know," Lily said with a sigh, "but seeing as Harry can bring them back makes that a moot point really, so I won't feel too guilty. I did follow Neville when he became a Dark Lord, so I think I can tap into that somewhat. This isn't going to hurt my mind, body, or soul though, is it?"

The Dark Presence laughed. "No, it won't. Lily you know me, when have I ever steered anyone wrong, or lied? I selected you because I know you _won't_ become a real honest to goodness sadistic psychopath."

"I suppose you're right." She chuckled. "I just can't believe you've become what you've become though. It seems…odd." She said, as she eyed his shadowy outline. "You have a solid form, but it's not really solid. Again, it's just…odd." She said as she poked him with her finger, causing the Dark Presence to laugh.

"Well, it's a happy side effect due to this alternate reality. I had no idea this could be done though, seeing as I have never been in this situation before. Harry doesn't know I'm here yet, and he won't until I reveal myself to him. I can hide your identity from him easily, since I have some of the same powers he does, though I don't have them all so I'll have to stay on my toes."

"I'll need a theme." She said thoughtfully.

"Oh Lily, the Evil Queen _is_ your theme." The Dark Presence insisted. "Imagine how funny it will be to have all those pure-bloods trembling in fear at you. I mean come on, a muggle-born witch using a Disney character, of all things, to strike fear into their hearts?"

Lily burst out laughing. "Yeah I can see that. I always did like Ursula from The Little Mermaid better, but I think I can work in that bit a villainy somewhere. What about Harry and the others though? It won't take them long to realize what's going on. Hell, they've already put that ridiculous prophecy together."

"I know that, but they don't know who it will be." The Dark Presence laughed. "They will simply think it's a random muggle born who went dark. They may even get a kick out of it, seeing as everything you do will clearly be 'muggle-ish'. Imagine the look on their faces when they finally realize it's you."

"And the muggle borns won't be afraid because they will get all the references."

"Exactly!" The Dark Presence exclaimed. "Switch it up on them. Instead of Voldemort, we have…"

"The Evil Queen." Lily finished with a smirk. "Ok, I'm truly convinced now. Will you help me though?"

"I will. What you can't do with regular magic, I'll supply with my own."

"All right." She said with a smile, but then her eyes shifted to her bedroom door and she frowned a bit, as the sounds of laughter could be heard from the living room. "Will you make it easy on them?" She asked quietly, with a nod in that direction. "They are good people, good parents."

"Isabel will die in her sleep," he said softly, "but I will help them through their grief. I'll also need to make it so that Harry can still detect you as Isabel, just in case someone gets suspicious."

"Thank you, Odee." Lily said, as she reached out and grasped his shadowy hand to squeeze it. "Just help my current parents. That's all I ask, because this will devastate them."

"I will Lily, you have my word, but is Odee my name then?" He chuckled.

"Do you have a better one?" She grinned.

"Nope, I guess not, but go ahead and lie back down. Giving you a magical core will hurt a lot, but I can fashion an adult body for you once the process is complete. I'll also supply a golem for the body of Isabel. The muggles won't know the difference."

"Ok." Lily said, as she took a deep breath and laid back down. "I'm ready when you are."

* * *

Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts, Harry had finally been able to escape Fred and George, who had been hounding him all day trying to figure out how he had pranked Snape. He finally feigned tiredness, and ran up to his room and drew his curtains around his bed.

Then he promptly puffed to Tom's quarters.

"This can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening!" He cried as he flopped down on Tom's bed and buried his head under a pillow.

Tom, who was lounging on the couch, looked up from the book he was reading and quirked an eyebrow at him. "Get out of my bed Potter, you're wrinkling my sheets and getting drool all over my pillow. Now, suck it up. You knew this was likely to happen, seeing as I am not a true threat."

"Yes, but I didn't expect this!" He cried, as he sat up with a huff. "Dark Lords I can handle, but this will be a _girl_! How can I look a girl in the eye and destroy her?!"

"Oh, stop being childish." Tom replied as he rolled his eyes.

"You have to admit that this whole thing is kind of funny, but I'm bored. I think we need to get a real telly. We can hook it up…what?" Peter asked, when he caught sight of Harry glaring at him.

Bella laughed as she flopped down beside Harry on Tom's bed. "I'm with Peter on both accounts. We need a real telly, and I also think the whole thing is funny. Obviously, a muggle born has gone dark, and she is going to use a Disney villain to get her revenge on some pure-bloods. Can you guys honestly _not_ see the humor in that?"

"I still say we're in a crackfic." Sirius mumbled, as he bit into a left-over Egg McMuffin Harry had gotten from the nearest McDonalds that morning.

"Will you stop saying that." Remus said with a shake of his head. "I can sort of see the humor in it, but will it really be funny when she goes on a killing spree?"

"I agree with Remus." Harry said with a nod.

"Well Potter, you did say that as we move through this alternate reality that the universe itself will make up the difference in some aspects. Because I'm not a threat, this is just a consequence and we simply have to deal with it." Tom said with a shrug. "But if it makes you feel better, I'll do the dirty deed of killing her if I get the chance."

"Now hold on." Sirius said with a mouthful of food. "We shouldn't automatically jump to killing people. We should just carry on like we have been doing, and if/when this Evil Queen and Dark Presence show themselves, or if we start hearing of any Voldemort-like shenanigans, _then_ I say we get involved."

"You do have a point Sirius." Remus said with a thoughtful sigh. "Halloween is a few days away and if tradition holds true we will find out more then."

Harry groaned loudly and once again buried his head in the pillow. "With my bloody luck, we will. I hate Halloween."

"I'm sorry." Peter mumbled quietly.

"Peter, if you apologize one more time, I will hex you. We're over it." Sirius said.

"I'm sorr…err ok." Peter said, when Sirius glared at him.

"So that's it then?" Bella asked. "We wait?"

"We wait." Tom said with a nod.

"Fine, we wait." Harry sighed, just before Tom nailed him and Bella with a stinging jinx.

"Both of you get out of my bed!"

* * *

 _"Halloween is a few days away and if tradition holds true we will find out more then."_

Remus's words kept echoing in Harry's head for the last few days, and now that it was Friday, Halloween, Harry was on pins and needles as he waited for the proverbial shoe to drop. Due to the Halloween festivities that night, Harry's Bingo Friday was on hold, so their whole plan for the father/son/yew rune tattoo stupidity was shuffled aside, but at the moment, that was the farthest thing from their minds.

Draco, who had been released from the hospital wing that morning, had been following Harry at a distance all day. It seemed like the Slytherin turned Gryffindor was determined to figure out what was going on, but Harry wasn't in the mood to mess with Draco's head, so he basically ignored the boy.

Ron, Hermione, and Neville seemed to be keeping him at arm's length today, and Harry didn't really understand why until he overheard them whispering in class. According to Ron and Neville, he was being a bit 'moody' and 'uneasy', but Hermione reminded them what day it was and what happened to his parents. This had caused Neville and Ron to gasp, but after that, the three of them closed ranks around Harry, while at the same time, letting him have his space.

Harry was truly thankful for them, especially since he had a feeling that something was majorly off and had literally been 'scanning the world' all day in an effort to figure out what the problem was. Unfortunately, though, there was nothing to be found. Everything 'felt' normal, but at the same time, it didn't. This left him confused and anxious all day.

The 'off' feeling grew worse as the evening Halloween feast drew near, and by the time they were sitting in the great hall, waiting to eat, Harry was nearly beside himself with concern.

"What's the matter with you Potter?" Draco asked casually, causing Hermione, Ron, and Neville to frown at him.

"It happens to be the day when your Death Eater Daddy's Master killed his parents." Ron hissed, causing Hermione to smack him.

"That could have been put a little better Ron." She huffed, but Harry just shook his head.

"It's alright guys, don't worry about it." He replied, before turning his attention to Draco. "I don't know." He added seriously. "But something doesn't feel right. I want _all_ of you to promise me that if anything happens, you will keep your heads _down_."

"We will Harry." Hermione said softly, while looking at him curiously.

"Malfoy? Promise me." Harry said, giving him a pointed look.

Draco somewhat stared at Harry for a moment, before nodding grimly. "Ok Potter." He said, though he looked curious as to what the trouble could be. "Do you know something?"

"No." Harry replied with a sigh and a worried shake of his head. "And that is what worries me. Things don't feel right, and trust me when I say, that is a _really_ bad thing." He added, causing the four kids to stare at him.

It was at that point when Dumbledore stood up from the head table and gave a speech, before motioning for the feast to begin. Harry glanced around the room, before closing his eyes and 'feeling' the castle. Everyone was there in the great hall. No one was hiding in a bathroom crying, nor was anyone trying to skip the feast. All the Professors and staff were in attendance, all the elves were in the kitchen, there were no late stragglers roaming around the castle or grounds, nor were there any strangers. Even the animals in the Forbidden Forest were hunkered down for the night.

He still couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong though.

"Something's not right." He whispered, but it was more to himself than to anyone else.

However, it caused Hermione, Neville, Ron, and Draco look up from their plates.

"Harry, you haven't even put anything on your plate mate." Neville said with a concerned frown, just as Harry gasped loudly.

He could feel it now. Something was coming, but he couldn't 'see' it. Whatever it was though, it was big, and that did not set well with Death. Anything that could hide from him was not natural.

He suddenly stood from his seat, and narrowed his eyes a bit as he stared out over the great hall towards the Slytherin table. Whatever was coming it was coming from that direction, which just happened to be where the front gates were.

His wand slipped into his hand, just as he stood up on the bench he had just been sitting on. Then, with a smooth motion, he stepped up onto the table, all the while keeping his eyes trained on the other side of the room.

"POTTER!" Snape bellowed. "Get off that table this instant! Twenty points…"

Harry's wand suddenly morphed into his scythe. "Silence!" He shouted, as he brought the end of his scythe down on the table. Unfortunately, it didn't deliver the satisfying 'thunk' it normally did. Instead, it gave off a muffled 'thud' due to landing in a bowl of green peas.

Tom, who was staring at him with wide eyes, stood up from his seat at the head table. Harry briefly glanced at him, before turning his attention back to the far side of the room.

"You, Bella, Remus, Sirius, and Peter haven't been silenced. So, with that said, Tom, you didn't by chance let a troll in for old times' sake, did you?" He asked, causing Tom to slowly shake his head no.

"Harry, what's going on?" Sirius asked nervously, as he took off his invisibility cloak.

"Something's wrong. I don't know what it is, but there is something coming and it's big. I can't see it because it's hidden from me." He replied gravely, as he narrowed his eyes in the direction of the front gates to the school.

"What in the world can hide from you, Potter?" Tom asked, as his wand slipped into his hands.

"More importantly, what can hide from Death?" Remus asked.

"I don't know, but I don't like it." Harry said, just as Sirius made a nervous squeaky noise.

"Harry, we have a scene straight out of Jurassic Park going on here. Look at the goblets." Sirius said, causing Harry to glance at his goblet of pumpkin juice, which was jumping slightly from vibrations.

"Well, whatever is coming, I don't think it's a tyrannosaurus rex." Tom replied nervously.

"Me either." Harry echoed, but then his voice turned into one of authority as he glanced around the room. "All right, Bella, get the Slytherins away from that wall. I want everyone on _this_ side of the room. I want the first years with their backs to the wall. I want the second years in front of them, then the third years and so on. Professors, I want you all out front, while Sirius, Remus, Bella, and Peter take up positions in front of you. Tom, you're with me in front of them. No killing curses guys. I want to know who and/or what is controlling this thing, and I can't do that if you kill it."

"Shouldn't we send the students out of here?" Peter asked anxiously, causing Harry to shake his head.

"No. I can't protect everyone if they are running around the castle. Stay in here, and stay together. GET THEM UP BELLA!" He shouted, causing Bella to instantly brandish her wand at the Slytherins.

"You heard him! Get moving before I start torturing the lot of you!" She shouted, causing the Slytherins to jump up in fear.

There was an eerie silence to the chaos as everyone in the great hall jumped into action. Clearly panicked students were screaming, but no sound was heard due to Harry's silencing charm. The Professors were confused and angry, none more so than Snape, but Dumbledore, who Harry unsilenced, immediately took charge of the students and began getting them organized.

"Harry, please tell me…" He began, but Harry shook his head.

"I'm sorry sir, but I can't. I don't know myself. Please just trust me." He said. "And sir, forgive me." He added, then he snapped his fingers.

The elder wand flew from the Headmaster's grip into Harry's hand, but a moment later, Harry reached into thin air and pulled Dumbledore's old wand out of it.

"I would never leave you defenseless Professor, but I need my wand." He said, to the shock of everyone who saw it.

Harry handed Dumbledore the old wand, but a second later, he swung his scythe in a wide arc which caused a slivery white shield to snap into place. It went from floor to ceiling and wall to wall in front of the students and professors. Then, using the elder wand, Harry drew the infamous symbol of the Hallows, but instead of a simple line through the middle, he put the elder wand in its place, causing the shield to solidify and the wand to glow an ominous green.

Dumbledore stared at it shock, but then turned his eyes to Harry knowingly.

"It'll let spells out, but not in. Keep everyone behind this shield, and you'll be safe." Harry ordered, causing Dumbledore to nod grimly.

Just then, the wall Harry had been eyeing earlier suddenly exploded with such force that it sent bits of rubble flying in all directions into the great hall. Part of the ceiling collapsed, but nothing made it past that shield.

"IT'S A FUCKING GIANT!" Sirius bellowed, just as the giant's head appeared in the large hole it had made in the wall.

"REMUS, NOOO!" Bella and Peter screamed, when they saw him get crushed by a large piece of the ceiling.

"Remus!" Sirius echoed a second later. "Harry! Remus is…"

"ALL OF YOU, GET BEHIND THE SHIELD!" Harry roared, as he banished huge pieces of rubble back towards the giant, which began to crawl through the hole it made.

"But Remus is dead!" Sirius cried hysterically.

Tom suddenly grabbed him and bodily shoved him through the shield, just before more of the ceiling came down.

"Get ahold of yourself Black!" Tom shouted, as he sent spells and rubble at the giant. "Do you honestly think Potter will let him stay that way!?"

The wild-eyed man sort of stared at Tom for a moment, before nodding firmly. Sirius began sending his own spells at the giant, as more of the room fell apart around them.

"Let me kill it Harry! I have a shot!" Peter cried frantically, as his wand flashed with all manner of charms, curses, and hexes.

But it was futile. Nothing any of them did penetrated the giant's thick hide. The students were cowering in fear, though a few brave seventh years joined the Professors in casting all manner of spells at it.

"NO! I want it alive!" Harry yelled back, just as a large piece of wall, which the giant had thrown, slammed into his side, causing him to go careening into the back wall behind the head table.

"HARRY!" Several people yelled in dismay, causing everyone else to stare in his direction in horror.

But their jaws dropped a second later as Harry picked it up and heaved the large piece of rubble off of his chest and tossed it back at the giant, causing it to stumble backwards and fall on its bum against the doors of the great hall.

"Ok, now I'm pissed off!" Harry shouted angrily, as silence reigned throughout the destroyed, debris covered room.

"Remus is laying over there dead, and you're JUST NOW pissed off!" Peter cried.

Harry sent him a nasty glare, before turning his attention back to the giant.

"Is it dead?" Sirius asked, causing Harry to shake his head.

"No, just knocked out." He replied.

That made him huff in annoyance and he immediately scowled. However, it caused the giant to suddenly start chuckling. Everyone tensed up, but narrowed their eyes at the uncharacteristic behavior.

A second later, the giant shifted its position, leaned up against the wall, and grinned at Harry.

"Funny how a bit a déjà vu can feel, isn't that right Harry?" It asked in an unnatural deep, hollow voice that sent shivers up everyone's spine. "I guess the universe had to make up for the troll somehow, so here I am." He said with an amused smile, as he lounged comfortably in front of the doors.

"Who are you?" Harry demanded, as he brought his scythe up in front of his chest. "As Death, I demand an answer!" He shouted. "Why are you possessing an innocent creature? Who are you?!"

The giant simply chuckled again. "Possession? Do I look like I'm wearing a purple turban to you?" He asked casually. "Oh Harry, I'm so disappointed that you don't recognize me." He mock pouted.

"I do believe Death asked you a question." Tom said darkly, as he came over to stand next to Harry.

This only caused the giant's grin to broaden even more.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the Dark Lord Voldemort." He asked with a chuckle. "Who would have thought!? Voldemort and The-Boy-Who-Lived standing side by side trying to demand information out of little ol' me!" He cried with a hearty laugh. "Oh, I think Sirius is right when he says we're in a crackfic."

"You're the only one who finds it funny." Harry said through gritted teeth.

"No, there is another. After all, my Evil Queen thinks it's hysterical that the one whose name means 'flight from death' hides behind Death's robes like a scared child." The giant said with a sadistic grin.

"Avada Kedavra!"

"No!" Harry yelled, as he stretched out his hand.

The killing curse immediately changed directions and flew back towards Harry, who caught it mid-flight and crushed it in his grip.

"Now _that_ is impressive." The giant said with a delighted grin. "Oh Harry, you've come so far in the last two-thousand years! I am so proud!"

"I will only ask you once more." Harry said with a deathly glare. "Who are you? If you don't answer, I will _personally_ end your existence." He added, causing Tom and the others to glance at him nervously.

The giant stared at him for a moment, before sighing petulantly.

"Oh, very well. I must admit that I don't rightly know what would happen if you killed me, but it's best not to chance it. My name is…Odee."

"Odee?" Peter scoffed. "Never heard of you."

"But you have Wormtail!" Odee said brightly. "You just don't recognize me."

"If you're trying to say your James, it's not funny." Sirius said with a scowl.

"Now Padfoot, what would give you that idea?"

"He's not Dad." Harry quickly said. "Dad is fine, I just checked."

"Of course you did." Odee said with a chuckle. "Fine, spoil my fun then." He added with a sigh, before he shifted into his normal shadowy form and stood up.

Tom, Peter, Bella, and Sirius gasped loudly and backed up a few steps, but Harry suddenly started to chuckle.

"Ta-da!" Odee cried brightly, but then his face fell. "No applause? I'm hurt."

"Odee?" Harry said with a slight smirk. "O.D. is more like it."

"The Original Death!" Sirius cried. "Merlin Harry, what's _he_ doing here?"

"The 'Dark Presence'!" Peter gasped, causing Odee to grin at him.

"And people say you are a dim-witted fool Peter. That right there proves you're not."

"So, you're behind everything? The stupid prophecy, this Evil Queen Disney business?" Harry laughed, as he relaxed his grip on the scythe. "Do you want your job back or something?"

Odee burst out laughing. "Heavens no Harry. That's rightfully yours. After all I do believe the exact words of my earlier departure were…"

He trailed off as he pulled a small sheaf of paper out of his pocket.

"Oh yes, here it is in the very first chapter…'When he died, Harry was met by the very ecstatic black robed, skeletal figure we have all come to know as Death. Death, who was dancing around like a child on a sugar high, greeted Harry enthusiastically, handed over his scythe, told Harry about his new 'job', and whistled a tune as he left through the door on the **_right front side of the room_**. Harry, who could only watch the **_immortal being_** go about his merry way in confusion, stood there wondering what in the hell was happening, but it wasn't long until he figured out what he had to do.'" Odee read, before placing the sheaf of papers back into his pocket.

Harry leaned on the scythe and laughed. "So, for your final sorting, you sorted yourself via the door reserved for witches and wizards. That's why you're here. In original 1991, you were Death, but when Tom and I created this barmy arse world, you needed a place to go. Oh, you're clever."

"I'm magical Harry, and I'll always be an immortal." Odee said, giving Harry a fond smile. "So, will you, should you ever choose to pass the torch."

"I like being Death." Harry said with a grin. "After all, I've got all the cosmic power in the world at my beck and call."

"With an itty, bitty, living space." Bella said with a snort, causing Odee to grin at her.

"Bella, an Aladdin reference? My Evil Queen would be so proud." He said with a laugh.

"Let's just hope Disney doesn't sue us." Sirius said with a roll of his eyes.

"Am I going to have to kill her?" Harry asked with a worried glance.

"No, but she's wanting to have some fun." Odee said with a dismissive wave. "This world needed a conflict. There's no point to our story if there isn't one. What better way is there, than to have a Disney villain running around terrifying all the bigoted pure-bloods who deserve it? This is, after all, an alternate reality." He said with a grin.

Harry's lips twisted with amusement. "Who is she?"

"That I won't tell you." Odee said with a mischievous grin. "There is no fun in that. I will say, however, that she knows fully well who you are and she knows, and supports, you in bringing back to life anyone who dies. She feels that gives her the chance to do what she wants and frees her conscience. She doesn't want anyone to die permanently, but she does want to get a little payback."

"So, she is a muggle born then." Tom said, causing Odee to nod.

"Yes, she is."

"If she is a muggle born, then we don't have to worry about her going after muggles, right?" Tom asked, causing Odee to cock his head to the side.

"Why do you ask that Tom? Do you have a certain muggle you are looking to protect?"

Tom glanced at Harry, before turning his attention to Odee.

"Just tell her to stay out of Spain, please."

"Spain?" Odee asked with an amused grin. "Who is in Spain that could be in danger from an Evil Queen here in the UK?"

"Lily." Tom replied with a shaky breath.

"Ohhh, she's little Isabel at the moment, if I recall correctly." He said, causing Harry and Tom to nod. "Why keep her safe?"

Tom glanced at Harry again, but Harry nodded encouragingly.

"You need to tell him, just so he is aware." Harry said, causing Tom to take a deep breath.

"Two lives ago, a Dark Lord arose in Iceland where we were living at the time. Lily was my daughter, Elísabet. Her mother had passed away when she was two, so it was just she and I. We were both magical and I was a high priority target for him, due to my job. When he came to my house, Elísabet and I were just sitting down to lunch. He burst through the door and caught us in the kitchen. I tried to defend us, but my last memories of that life were of Elísabet screaming as I shielded her with my own body. When I got to the waiting room, I sat down and cried, while waiting to be sorted. Elísabet showed up not long after I did. She was six at the time."

Odee stared at him for a moment, before glancing at Harry, who looked grim.

"Since it's still fresh in his mind and wasn't that long ago, the similarities between what he did to me and what that Dark Lord did to him are hard for him to cope with, and the fact that both involved Mum doesn't help. I kept them in the Void for the maximum twenty-four hours as Mum tried to comfort him. All Tom did was cry and apologize over and over again."

"I see." Odee said softly. "Well, you have my word that Spain is not on the agenda for my Evil Queen, so Lily will be fine. My Evil Queen's focus is the UK and nothing more. She just wants to give a little payback to the bigoted purebloods."

"I can deal with that." Tom said, as he sat down heavily on a large piece of broken stone, and stared at his shaking hands.

Odee smiled once again, before going over to Tom and placing a shadowy hand on his shoulder.

"I've known Lily for many, many years Tom." He whispered, as he crouched down beside him. "She's and old soul, one of the first witches to ever grace the face of the earth actually. She does not hold anything against you. Trust me on that."

"Alright." Tom replied, as he stood up on shaky legs.

"Good." Odee said with a smile. "Now, I must be going. It has been a rather exciting night." He added happily, causing Harry to chuckle as the others rolled their eyes at him.

"Remus won't think so." Sirius said, as he glanced at Remus's remains and cringed.

"Eh, if I know Harry, he'll be fine." Odee laughed. "And with that, I'm off!"

They watched as Odee snapped his fingers, causing the room to repair itself, before disappearing in a wispy puff of black smoke, which made Bella gasp loudly.

"Love, does he have _all_ the same powers you have?" She asked with wide eyes.

Harry shook his head. "No, but I expect that he has most of them. Just what they are exactly, I can't tell you."

"We better find out quick." Sirius muttered, as he levitated the debris off of Remus. "Can we _please_ fix him now?"

"Of course." Harry chuckled, and set out to do just that.

"Let's just hope Remus doesn't become a replacement for Kenny from South Park." Peter said with a sigh.

"Damn it Peter!" Sirius yelled. "STOP GIVING THE AUTHOR BAD IDEAS!"

"Oh crap! I'm so sorry!" Peter replied in horror, just as Sirius nailed him with a stinging jinx.

"And what did I say about apologizing!?" He cried, causing Peter yelp loudly.

Tom, Harry, and Bella just laughed.

* * *

In a small heavily warded house in the middle of the Forest of Dean, Lily sighed heavily as she slumped down in a nearby ornate chair.

"He's _still_ not over that?" She asked, as she looked up at Odee, who was standing in the doorway of the large magically expanded library.

"No." Odee said sadly.

"This changes some things then. I don't want to hurt Tom."

"Nor do I." Odee replied.

"Then I won't put a parent in that situation." Lily said with a firm nod. "I don't care if it's Narcissa Malfoy trying to keep little Draco from dying. I simply won't do it. It's not right."

"I agree." Odee nodded.

"Then we won't cross that line. Everything else though, is fair game." Lily said with a smile, as she stood up and paced the room. "While you were gone, however, I was thinking about some things. We need our own Severus."

Odee looked at her in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Our own spy." Lilly said with a grin.

"A good thought." Odee chuckle. "Who do you have in mind?"

"The one person who Harry seems determined to keep clueless. The one person whom he fears will figure things out." She laughed.

"Who?"

"Hermione." Lily said with an evil grin.


End file.
